Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi everyone
Well we had quite a nice day again, besides kids being really naughty:rolleyes:
I think they were tired after our 2 hour trek!
We went to the food festival had a bit to eat, but it was a bit cold & windy, we popped into shop for a few bits husband went to the loo, then when he met us in there, he said, did you see those reduced lillies by the door, I said yes, he said why don't you get some? they were reduced from £6.99 to £2.99 so I did.
My DD said & it's not reliable, (& also not a great thing to say to child as they will think they're to blame, although I do believe never having time alone has caused problems, that's not thier fault, it's lack of babysitters )
Daddy said if I'm good, him & mummy will be better friends & he might love mummy more!!
Anyway, they were really naughty arguing in the car, we went for a drink in the pub, had to take DS outside he was being so naughty, husband talked to dd & said to her you've got the best mummy you could ever have!
We came back home & he stayed quite a while, did thier dinner & put a dvd for them to watch upstairs, & sat with me watching TV & chatting about nothing for about an hour!
Also DD said can you come for a sleepover daddy, he said I'd love to live with you but I'm not allowed.
As he left, he winked at me & said call me if you need anything

Keeping_Motivated

Hi Kizzy. Sound like even though the kids were naughty he didn't rush to get away.
I must admit though I didn't like the sound of him saying 'I'd love to live with you but I am not allowed' Cheek! Does that give the message to your DD that its your fault he doesn't/can't live with you anymore. Nice of him to pass the blame.

Did you make any arrangements for the rest of the week?

KM x

Keeping_Motivated

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

As he left, he winked at me & said call me if you need anything

'Call me if you need anything'....... Bonus night?! sorry I'm at it again

KM x

moodydonkey

Thought i would post this purely for entertainment cos hell we all need a laugh. This happenened last week when my ex and his gf came to pick my girls up for the weekend.

Her: (the pregnant chav he left me for) You're just jealous cos i have his baby and you don't
Me: (overweight frumpy wife of ten years) not my fault if you fall pregnant with every man you sleep with! (she's a 4x4)
Her: You're just jealous because you want him back!
Me: every man i have been with since him has been better ( the truth)
Her: Well you can have him!
Me: I don't want him you tried so bloody hard to get him now you're stuck!
SO she doesn't want him and neither do i!

I think it is hard for men if they think that they are the breadwinner and in control of it all (they think) so they flip out when things get tough.

Some men are complete wakfuts but i don't think he loves her and to be harsh we all go looking for something that is missing from our relationship. It doesn't always have to be sex, just some comfort or a hug or a friendly ear. I for one would find it easier to forgive sex than a soulmate.
I feel for you because Kiz, you love someone so incredibly much. I did that. Sometimes they don't love you back enough sweetheart. Don't think anyone else has said it so i will. If you take him back he will do it again x

Keeping_Motivated

moodydonkey wrote: »

Thought i would post this purely for entertainment cos hell we all need a laugh. This happenened last week when my ex and his gf came to pick my girls up for the weekend.

Her: (the pregnant chav he left me for) You're just jealous cos i have his baby and you don't
Me: (overweight frumpy wife of ten years) not my fault if you fall pregnant with every man you sleep with! (she's a 4x4)
Her: You're just jealous because you want him back!
Me: every man i have been with since him has been better ( the truth)
Her: Well you can have him!
Me: I don't want him you tried so bloody hard to get him now you're stuck!
SO she doesn't want him and neither do i!

I think it is hard for men if they think that they are the breadwinner and in control of it all (they think) so they flip out when things get tough.

Some men are complete wakfuts but i don't think he loves her and to be harsh we all go looking for something that is missing from our relationship. It doesn't always have to be sex, just some comfort or a hug or a friendly ear. I for one would find it easier to forgive sex than a soulmate.
I feel for you because Kiz, you love someone so incredibly much. I did that. Sometimes they don't love you back enough sweetheart. Don't think anyone else has said it so i will. If you take him back he will do it again x

Thats funny, I hope he heard that conversation! And what does 'you're just jealous coz I've got his baby and you haven't' mean? Wasn't he picking your girls up?

As for 'If you take him back he will do it again' I'm not sure I agree. If he has been faithful for 21 yrs surely one (I know horrific) mistake surely he can learn from his horrific mistake? Don't get me wrong I am not maiking light of it BUT surely if you really love a man and he is truly sorry then you can eventually have a faithful happy marriage again? Obviously if you know you can't forgive and the hurt is just too much and it makes you bitter then its better parting company and moving towards a new life however if you still love the person and believe you can forgive its worth a try surely.

Obviously each situation is unique but I am talking in general here.

KM x

gerturdeanna

Well obviously his big romantic night has fallen through cos he's still here and just gone to bed!!

Keeping_Motivated

gerturdeanna wrote: »

Well obviously his big romantic night has fallen through cos he's still here and just gone to bed!!

Oh how awful for him

moodydonkey

KM I completely agree with you, in this situation I would absolutely take him back. I am a great believer in marriage, but to be fair not just marriage but any relationship. If I was in Kizzy's place I would absolutely take him back as i'm sure many would. My point was that he having been forgiven would do it again. I agree completely. We all make mistakes, however some learn and move on. Others continue to flaunt the situation. Kizzy is prepared to forgive, it is not her but he that has made the mistake.
I personally don't think an affair on either part is the end. But it has to be something that is a lesson, not just a pass to do it again.
It doesn't matter if you love a person with everything that you have, if they don't love you back then they just don't love you. In my post i am questioning wether he will do it again? I think we are thinking the same. I totally agree with you that we should forgive, what I am saying is from his point is that i got away with it and i may do it again. At the end of the day Kiz, or any person taking a partner back after infidelity has no guarntee that they will do it again.

oz_valdo

Hi Kizzy,

Just wanted to add this (though i confess i havent read all pages, about the first 15, will continue tho).

I separated from my partner of 10 years last october. I was so scared as we have 2 children, age 9 and 4 (the younest is autistic which was an extra concern) and i left the family home, am now renting privately.

Though we had a few months of hostility, it settled around christmas time,
we now spend *some* time together, family days out etc and there is light at the end of the tunnel in terms of being civil.
I never thought i'd be a single mother in her 30s on benefits (starting work as soon as the nipper is in school!), but life is looking up. Just wanted to share, it can be daunting, but i hope you stay strong!

Emma x

gerturdeanna

moodydonkey wrote: »

At the end of the day Kiz, or any person taking a partner back after infidelity has no guarntee that they will do it again.

But none of us thought they would do it in the first place!!