Marriage over don't know where to start

kimlisa66

That's very wise, although he is right, he is legally obliged to pay the mortgage, if its in his sole name. If its joint names, then you are both legally obliged. A solicitor should give you your options. Be cautious though, if you are working, you will have to pay a contribution to legal aid. I found this out all a bit too late and am now landed with a seven hundred pound bill for the non molestation order and a couple of letters.

My OH offered to pay all off the mortgage and as a gesture of goodwill I also overpay a small amount on top. That is one thing I know he won't go back on as he knows that without a roof over our heads, me and the three kids are stuffed. He wouldn't vent his wrath on them, only me !

Let me know how you get on

Kim x

gerturdeanna

The mortgage is in both our names, so he is not entily responsible for paying the mortgage and if he doesn't then the bank will come looking for both of us!! I'm not currently working, am currently claiming Job Seekers but will ee if I can amend that to Income Support tomorrow.

supersavershal

Hi Kizzy you are doing so well, just continue to take it slowly and see where things go from there.
Gurterdeanna, you would probably be happier in the council house you would have security and your name would be on the tenancy.It might be a rough estate or it might just be that the people who live there have fallen on hard times and dont have much money, you might make lots of friends there.Drug addicts can be found in all walks of life.At least it would be under your control, your front door and your terms.And when times improve for you, you can think about moving on, it doesnt have to be forever.

Juneno

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Juneno
I haven't made any comments at all to him today & yesterday was only a day after I found out for sure what was going on.
I think that it is a major thing & I mustn't do it & I wont.
Also though I mustn't dance to his tune, like today we were going to do something after country park, but as we couldn't think of anything straight away, so I said oh let's not bother I'll drop you off, so took that decision myself.

Good for you! It's important to show him that you're starting to see life as an independent woman. Then, when he realises that he's made a huge mistake, you'll have the upperhand and the moral high ground - always!
After all, he's only been with this 'oerson' on the ship - he hasn't yet had to put up with her in the longer term (if that ever happ0ens anyway). I suspect that being back near you and the kids, he'll remember what he had and she won't seem so attractive anymore. Seems like he's had a holiday romance type of thing but he's a bloke, so can't distinguish between that and reality!!

I hope I didn't offend you with my post - rellay didn't mean to 'cos I think you're doing amazingly well. Just that if you really mean it about trying again, then he has to see you won't be casting it up at every opportunity.

I wish you mega well in what you eventually decide to do and hope it all turns out how you want and for the best.
Cheers,
June x

Keeping_Motivated

gerturdeanna wrote: »

The mortgage is in both our names, so he is not entily responsible for paying the mortgage and if he doesn't then the bank will come looking for both of us!! I'm not currently working, am currently claiming Job Seekers but will ee if I can amend that to Income Support tomorrow.

You also need to be careful though because if he stops paying once you have left then the bank will come after you too for any money owing so keep your eye on the mortgage account. I presume you have spoken about/looked into child maintenance?

Also with the council house are you allowed to refuse once before they take you off their list?

Good luck with it all, such a shame you have to deal with all the legal/house stuff when you are going through so much emotionally.

Take care
KM x

moodydonkey

Blimey what a thread!!!so many incredible women out there! I posted very early on and have lurked since.
After every thing that has been said I think it's amazing that everyone on here has been soo supportive, I don't have any advice as such except to say which I think many would agree with.
I've been there. It's the worst feeling in the world. The hurt and the anger and the bitterness.
YOU DO GET THROUGH and that's not just for Kizzy but for every other strong woman who has done what we have to do.
My personal opinion, if a man or woman for that matter can treat you that way then you DO deserve better. Nothing is perfect, but the way in which we conduct ourselves shows that we are better!
You pick yourself up and no matter how hard it is you move on.
I am out the other side after being homeless thru my relationship. You will get through things and you will carry on being the amazing people that you are. My very best wishes to all of you and much luck with whatever you decide to do x

gerturdeanna

Re the house as far as I know, you are allowed to refuse 3 times. So what if I refuse this one and then the other two are worse!!
After goggling th street again, its the same names coming up so maybe just a bad family. I agree with Supersaversal that I would feel happier in my own place, it would be a complete fresh new start and rents only £55 per week!! I haven't any friends round here anyway, really want to move to the next town as thats were my parents are. Marital home is on the market anyway, so think I will call estate agents tomorow to see if they can reall really push it. Then we can both move on and start afresh.
Re coping well, I think I will be like a poster who said before that once everything was over and done with, they completely broke down!! Maybe I should go to docs and get myself on waiting list for counsellor or something. Everytime he walks past me or I hear his voice at the moment, I just want to hurt him!! Physically!! And I am not a violent person at all.Looks lik he's planning on staying somewhere else tonight as he's packed an overnight bag!!
Well fine!! As long as he leaves me some money to live on, he can go for as long as he likes!! TWANK!!

moodydonkey

gert, not so much for you i think but for anyone just starting I huddled and cried but never went anywhere near my doctor at the time. Horrible thing to say but to anyone that is suffering YES GO you think you are coping but you may not be. And from a purely harsh point of view it helps with the council housing thing.
Just to say i am not reccomending this to get housing help. However am i right in thinking KIzzy is not working so she can support her kids. If this is the case then I totally agree. My girls found the break very hard and I think the support is very much needed.

Mrs_Dawn

HI all, hope you've had a good day.

Kizzy - like your new sig. I may be joining you in that I'm still so confused about my DH.

I know that he cheated and he told awful lies, but I do still love him(I haven't said it to him though) my sister thinks I've scared the pants off him and he'll never set another foot wrong.
He's buying me presents, like shoes and trainers and says that I can have anything I want.
The only thing I really want is for this never to have happened.:o

I feel a little better in myself, I don't feel constantly sick anymore and I'm managing to eat a bit more, But I still feel so numb.

Sorting out counselling with relate tomorrow, he's already been for one session by himself, then if we want to we go together and see if there is anything to save.

OOOOOH MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry boys.

Dawn xx

gratefulone

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

I#m awake too ^ typing in the dark
kids in my bed again & comp in bedroom!
so excuse typos
Yes I've updated my sig - I'm probably getting myself at it, but can't give up on it.
I'm just being "normal" with him, not needy or mentioning anything, I'm just hoping he'll realise what he's losing.
I'm lucky that she's trapped on a ship & they can only talk/text ( when there is a signal often you can't get one on ship ) so no chance at the moment of him seeing her. I'm also hoping she'll see sense & realise it's a no goer, distance, his complete dedication to the children & the fact he still comes around & does jobs for me - that would drive me crazy if I were her.
She may decide to stay with her husband after all.
I know it sounds like I'm settling to be 2nd choice, perhaps I am, but I don't care, I want him back & I want us to be a family again, how that comes about doesn't worry me

Hi kizzy. I understand your feelings and wish you all the best. Your dedication to your marriage is understandable and feelings just do not disappear overnight. I hope you can all be happy.