Marriage over don't know where to start

bank_of_slate

Go gertrude!

You're sounding a lot more positive today with your plan of action!
...Linda xx

bank_of_slate

gerturdeanna wrote: »

I hope your sister gets better soon Kizzy!! Sending her wishes!!
Well, I just caled my mum - in France - on hols!! I couldn't not tell her anymore!! My dads a retired copper and he says that the estate isn't as bad as it used to be and they also said they'l wire me some money if I need it!! They also called him all names under the sun!! Off to CAB now, am oing to whip round and check out the new palce first. The housing people have given me an extention on deciding whether to take it or not- so thats good and they are going to call me later to confirm if it can be taken as a single application. Feel better now I've told me Mumbut feel cruddy also for spoiling their hols!!

I bet they're very glad you did tell them. They won't see it as spoiling anything! They'll be comforted by knowing you're not going through all of this on your own!
I bet if you'd waited until they came back, they'd say "Why on earth didn't you ring us?"
...Linda xx

kimlisa66

gerturdeanna wrote: »

Well, solicitor says the best bet is for me and the kids to stay put and for him to pay the mortgage and if he doesn't pay the mortgage then we will broach that as and when it happens. He also said that he has seen 500 clients since July with same sort of issues, so girls, we are defo not alone!!
Going to draw up a sort of plan with him later, if I can bear to be in the same room as him!! hehe

Hi Gert

That's what I thought, exactly what my solicitor told me too.... once you have given up the right to the marital home that would be it, no going back and you might be in that council house forever.

Let the solicitior do the work for you, and if you are on income support, you should be fully funded by legal aid.

Good luck

Kim

scottishfreebiehunter

gerturdeanna wrote: »

Well, solicitor says the best bet is for me and the kids to stay put and for him to pay the mortgage and if he doesn't pay the mortgage then we will broach that as and when it happens. He also said that he has seen 500 clients since July with same sort of issues, so girls, we are defo not alone!!
Going to draw up a sort of plan with him later, if I can bear to be in the same room as him!! hehe

Snap same here we are staying put with him paying all getting drawn up legally and he will have to pay towards ds also as does not want to sell house.
It is very clinical though has to be done and if he is willing to do this least he can do and when and if sold in future as there will be clauses in it so he cannot diddle me out of anything then it is down to me and only me who decides when to sell:D

Yes I still love him and finding this very hard though has to be done

Rikki

kimlisa66 wrote: »

Hi Gert

That's what I thought, exactly what my solicitor told me too.... once you have given up the right to the marital home that would be it, no going back and you might be in that council house forever.

Let the solicitior do the work for you, and if you are on income support, you should be fully funded by legal aid.

Good luck

Kim

Just a note to say legal aid is not totally free. Its initially paid but you do have to repay it at a later date, sometimes by a charge bing put on your property.

Rikki

gerturdeanna wrote: »

Well, solicitor says the best bet is for me and the kids to stay put and for him to pay the mortgage and if he doesn't pay the mortgage then we will broach that as and when it happens. He also said that he has seen 500 clients since July with same sort of issues, so girls, we are defo not alone!!
Going to draw up a sort of plan with him later, if I can bear to be in the same room as him!! hehe

He is not obliged to pay the mortgage. It is up to his goodwill to continue the payments.

This is the same for the household bills and other financial commitments.

kimlisa66

I may be wrong but I think you may find that he is liable if his name is on the mortgage, he is certainly liable to pay half in that case. Mine is a joint mortgage, Im jointly responsible with my ex OH, but he chooses to pay it all and I pay all the bills. He will benefit when the house is sold.

The mortgage company will pursue whoever is name on the mortage if no payments are made.

Rikki

kimlisa66 wrote: »

I may be wrong but I think you may find that he is liable if his name is on the mortgage, he is certainly liable to pay half in that case. Mine is a joint mortgage, Im jointly responsible with my ex OH, but he chooses to pay it all and I pay all the bills. He will benefit when the house is sold.

The mortgage company will pursue whoever is name on the mortage if no payments are made.

Thats correct but if he doesn't want to pay and you can't then you will encounter problems. You cannot force him to make the payments if he doesn't want to.

When relationships breaks down not all men do continue with mortgage payments and are happy to have the house sold or repossessed.

kimlisa66

Rikki wrote: »

Just a note to say legal aid is not totally free. Its initially paid but you do have to repay it at a later date, sometimes by a charge bing put on your property.

I was told by my solicitor it is only repayable if property or goods are secured as a result of the action the legal aid funded.

My friend has gone through a 3 year battle funded by legal aid to force his ex OH who earns about 80k a year to pay him off a percentage of the property when she kicked him out after she had an affair. He lost his business, kids, home, everything, and she has not responded to any of the solicitors letters, and refuses to be served with court papers.
He has now given up as he knows if it went before a judge, he would let her stay in the house with the kids, (fair enough) and he might get say 20k if he was lucky but would loose most of that in court fees and repaying legal aid. House is worth about £350k

He disintructed his solicitor a few months ago as he knows its futile where she is concerned and didnt want her to start using the kids against him by not letting them see him. He has not been asked to pay back a penny of the legal aid (about 7k spent) as he has not secured property or goods, because he was on job seekers when this all started.

K x

kimlisa66

Rikki wrote: »

Thats correct but if he doesn't want to pay and you can't then you will encounter problems. You cannot force him to make the payments if he doesn't want to.

When relationships breaks down not all men do continue with mortgage payments and are happy to have the house sold or repossessed.

Im pretty sure if an order was made by a Judge, he would be forced to pay.

A friend has been through the same thing, and this is what was ordered and he is definitely paying it plus ancilliary relief and child maintenance.