Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

He bought me a sandwich ( reduced of course ) I've eaten that. I actually feel better whilst he's not here, it's such hard work not being normal & touchy feely, which I am usually with him.
Need to get the kids something soon, but everything is such an effort at the moment

Skint_Lynne

I know it is, just take your time and make them an easy thing. Do you have to work tomorrow, you might be better getting a line from the doctor. I had to go to work as I have my own shop and it was a nightmare having to go in there and act normally, but I had no choice.

If you are able to, get the line and this will give you the opportunity to get yourself together. If your boss is your friend, you can tell them and they will understand.

SL x

kizzykizzywizzy

No work SL as I am a catering asst at a school ( to fit in with kids ) so DH who has 1 years holidays saved up, was going to take time off to be with us during the hols, have been really looking forward to it. Obviously now that's yet another thing that's gone wrong & now I'm sat here wondering what's being said at his sisters.
She won't take sides, & she is very good at listening. Our first baby boy was born at 24 weeks & died after he was born, she literally got me through that single handed, when others didn't know what to say or do

notanothergreyhair

Hi,

I am really sorry to read what you are going through, I really am. I hope that however you get through this and whatever happens, that you take care of yourself.

Now I know I fancy other men but, believe it or not, we homosexuals still act in pretty much the same way as straight men...but we might smell nicer and have better skin! Sorry, I am trying to be serious here - the most telling part for me is this quote...

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

I emailed 2 friends last night saying I'd asked him to leave & he then, as if looking for a way to blame me for the split, said, it's over then, now you've emailed people!!

Now I know that there is not rational way to explain a man's mind and the way a man does things, but this is how I interpret the above quote...I don't think that he is looking for a way to blame the split or attach any reasoning, instead I see this as a way of a guy saying that he doesn't want it to end. I have seen guys do similar things many times before.

I think that there is something causing him stress and that he might not be able to articulate it - I know that I can't when I get a bout of depression (not that he necessarily has this, but I'd place a wee bet on it). I know this doesn't make life easy for you right now, but you can get through it.

Skint_Lynne

I was lucky in that sense as well, my in-laws were brilliant with me and I'll never forget it. Your SIL might give you some hints as to what he has been saying, DH phoned his mum and asked if she had seen me, she replied yes, she was over with all of your stuff, it took her 5 trips and the room is full. He was gobsmacked that I had put all of his stuff out, she just said, what do you expect, you said you don't want her, so she does not want your stuff in the house.

It really helped me to talk to people, so just holler if you need anything. I'm popping out just now, but should be back about 8ish, so I'll check in then.

SL x

kizzykizzywizzy

NAGH - Thanks for your post, it's always good to get the male perspective.
Ok so what do I do, I feel like jumping on him!! not just to squash him iyswim & he says you are really beautiful & attractive, I just don't feel the same.
What does anyone else think they'd feel like after not seeing the one they love for 4 & a half months??
It's driving me crazy

kizzykizzywizzy

Skint_Lynne wrote: »

I was lucky in that sense as well, my in-laws were brilliant with me and I'll never forget it. Your SIL might give you some hints as to what he has been saying, DH phoned his mum and asked if she had seen me, she replied yes, she was over with all of your stuff, it took her 5 trips and the room is full. He was gobsmacked that I had put all of his stuff out, she just said, what do you expect, you said you don't want her, so she does not want your stuff in the house.

It really helped me to talk to people, so just holler if you need anything. I'm popping out just now, but should be back about 8ish, so I'll check in then.

SL x

Thanks, managed to get the kids something to eat, just wish I was a fly on the wall

gratefulone

Dear kizzykizzywizzy I am new to the forum and just stumbled across your message which I was saddened to read. After such a long time together and past happy history this must have come as a huge shock to you. It sounds like your partner has been unsettled for some time and don't be surprised if he feels guilty yet tries to blame you for the relationship breakdown. Try not to take responsibility for his feelings and actions. You have enough to cope with managing your own emotions and ensuring the children are protected from the upheaval his news is likely to have caused. I'm sure he is a good man and you are a wonderful woman. Sometimes when we have been unhappy within ourselves for a long time it is easier to blame others as the cause. Perhaps you could get some emotional support for yourself if your partner is unwilling to attend counselling with you. Your children will need your strength and resilience to guide them through this and you need to take care of yourself at this difficult time. Encourage your partner to seek any support he may find beneficial but if he chooses not to then you must find support for yourself. It sounds like your husband is also suffering and I am sure he is sad too. However, you must have a wealth of skills and qualities to have managed so successfully in his absence these past few months so do not underestimate your capabilities. I have every faith in you and believe that you will do whatever you can to overcome this. Believe in who you are and what you have done to make your relationship succeed. Good luck and best wishes.

:grouphug: :grouphug:

taxi73

Hi Kizzy..it'll probably do him the world of good speaking and staying at his sisters and she will probably get to the bottom of it.You will just have to let it take its course at the moment I know it's hard.
The atmosphere in the house must be awful.I really do feel for you.Him giving mixed feelings doesn't really help matters.
I do hope that everything turns out all right for you both.

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks gratefulone & welcome to the forum.
He is a good man & he is really hurting, this is not something he's done lightly.
Though in the past he can get into a bit of a downer, I've always said he's a bit jeckyl & hyde, but usually I'm there to get him out of it, he hasn't had me there & I think whilst away, he's tried to cut off his feelings as he was hurting being away ( I don't know whether this is true, just a feeling )
I know I have to face facts & get on with things, but I really think deep down there's a chance & while I still think that, I have got to do whatever I need to to get back what we had.