Marriage over don't know where to start

get_me_debt_free

Hi Kizzy,
I begged and begged my Ex husband to come for counciling but he refused, then he agreed and never turned up I remember the lady saying were is your husband and i said I just rang him he said its not worth it, she said well dear we can carry on and i can help you or you can walk, I stayed and they helpped me realise my marriage was over, and yes i found out why it was not worth it as he had moved on just 6 weeks after i left, he had another woman.
He blamed me as they seam to and I lost 2st, I got ill and it was a mess,
Now 2 years down the line I am single with 2 children... I am doing life on ly own.. and yes im doing ok, I have debts but thats because i left the house with contents and he wiped me out, I bought the house off him so the children could have there home back and when i moved in he had taken the lot including the kids toys, so over the last 2 years I have built it all back up, on my own with help from my friend and family..........YOU CAN DO IT.
You will get help with Council tax and more tax credits,
I hope you can sort it out, I loved my husband dearly and he hurt me so bad,
He was the closest to me and i never thought he could do it to me,
Please be carefull, Take care of yourself and youe body, try and eat even if its a mouthfull and rest, if you fall apart then what will your kids do then.

I hope you will stay married and work it out but if he does not want it any more there is not much you can do, apart from look after you and the kids.
and eat!!
Sending loads of love and hugs and engery to you xxx

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks everyone, I asked for a cuddle today, which was nice ( for me), but when I looked up at him his eyes were staring straight ahead, I said this is killing me & I can't stand being in the same room as you, not because I hate him, but it seems unatural to me to be in the same room & not chat cuddle or kiss.
I said I think you ought to ring your Sister & see if you can stay, so he has done this & she has asked him to go around to TALK, thank god, as he hasn't spoken to a soul about this. He was crying as he left - also his hair is falling out!
So he's around there now, don't know if it will help? I think he'll come back tonight as he hasn't got uniform or anything. I'm sure he'll let me know

SouthernSoftie

Well if he hasn't told anyone about this yet, that could be his lightbulb moment and make it all the more real. Whilst i don't doubt what he said before was real, sometimes when it's all out for everyone to discuss it can ake them see EXACTLY what they are doing. Then if it's waht he really wants ok, but if it's not it may be the kick up the backside he needs.

I would let him be, you concentrate on you and your little ones, they need their Mum and as much as you might want to go lie down and cry in a darkened room you must be strong for them. Been there myself..... and trust me, when they are grown up and realise you put them first they will really appreciate it and love you all the more for it.

.... and I'm sorry but I did laugh when you said his hair is falling out.:o

Poppy9

He's obviously under stress, either because he wants out of marriage or because of work. Either way I think you need to give him space and get him to see his doctor.

One of my friend's husband suddenly announced he wanted a divorce and moved out a few days later. He left her wondering what she had done wrong etc. for six months before she found he had a new partner (who wasn't female)!

kizzykizzywizzy

Poppy9 wrote: »

He's obviously under stress, either because he wants out of marriage or because of work. Either way I think you need to give him space and get him to see his doctor.

One of my friend's husband suddenly announced he wanted a divorce and moved out a few days later. He left her wondering what she had done wrong etc. for six months before she found he had a new partner (who wasn't female)!

This one made me laugh ( sorry! ) I always joked to him "any port in a storm! " :rotfl:

welshpaula

kizzy my heart goes out to you ! speaking from first hand experience my ex hubby just upped and left me when my girls were 3 and 6 ,no explanation nothing ! he swore there was no one else and was like yours very quiet /upset /odd ? i then find out 6 weeks later (after giving him space ) that he had been having an affair with a 17 year old girl in work and it had been going on for months ( he was 32) to say i was devastated is an under statement and the only thing that kept me going was my girls ! now i am NOT saying hes having an affair at all but please keep this in the back of your mind because i really didnt have a clue i thought he just needed time was depressed etc ,the shock for me and the fallout was indescribable and 15 years on i still really havent got over it (dont think i ever will ) but i have moved on and my girls are wonderful(now have a stunning grand daughter ) what i am saying is be careful as much as you love him dont keep in a relationship for the sake of the children thats not fair either ,i was both mum and dad to my girls (as he never bothered with them from that day to this !)they dont even get a bloody birthday card ! you have to think of your sanity/life and your childrens before anything else ! good luck to you hun hope it works out let us know ! paula x

kizzykizzywizzy

This obviously was my first thought, he doesn't want me, so he must have someone else. I have even said to him - just tell me I deserve the truth, it won't make any difference, you want to go anyway & in a way it would be better he is still denying this.
He worked on a ship, mostly men some women, ( i've seen pics of them & some look like men too:p ) I really don't think he has.

kizzykizzywizzy

How do you do this on your own? It has literally worn me out looking after everything. I don't want to be like this forever. I started coming on here because I was so lonely - thank god I did, I got so much help with our debt, imagine if we still had that too! I even joked when we became debt free, you don't have to stay with me now!!

welshpaula

that is good then kizzy the only reason i say it is i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy how i felt that moment i found out about "her" ! and not even having the balls to tell me to my face ! but hey like i said you think of number one and those kids !! paula x

Skint_Lynne

Kizzy,

Have you had your dinner yet? Remember and try to eat something. I couldn't eat a bite and usually I have a very healthy appetite. You won't be any good to the wee ones if you can't function. I lost about a stone and a half, very good for the figure but no good for anything else.

Needless to say, when I settled down again after the shock of it all, I put all of my weight back on, I'm about 11st 6lb now. I'm trying to shift this off.

That's good that he's away to his sister's place, It will give you both a bit of space.

I really hope that things work out for you, but remember stay focused on yourself and the wee ones, he's made his bed, let him lie in it until he comes to his senses.

Take care,

SL xx