Marriage over don't know where to start

moodydonkey

Sometimes I think men clam up in the hope someone else will make all the decisions for them and sort everything out ie YOU. It's as if he's dumped this all in your lap and just expects you to deal with it!

Poppy9

If he is home for a few more days can you take yourself off to stay with a relative/friend for a couple of nights. Give him a taste of what he can look forward to as a single parent.

kizzykizzywizzy

I know it's just prolonging things, but I don't want to upset the children

kizzykizzywizzy

Going to go to bed he's mooching around & son keeps calling out for me
Thanks everyone

moggylover

Kizzy, I too control most of my depression, even without meds - but I'm not "new" to it, nor, by the sound of it, are you. If he is, and he is a man, then it may well scare him shi t l e s s! Men are not good with ordinary emotions let alone the messy ones we have during depression.

I lost my mum nearly 3 years ago - and have been having the bleakest period of my life since. The big surprise though is how depressed my EX has been during that period! And being a man he cannot even admit it:rolleyes:.

Take care of the details of what you are entitled to, etc., without setting anything in motion, try to just be civil each day and not be enticed/goaded in to arguments and snarling matches, and hopefully he will soon go and stay elsewhere - when he may just realise what he is throwing away, or at least that he is no happier away!

He does sound as if he resented the period away from home to pay off the debts - and I do know that a friends husband works away from home for long periods and finds it hard to fit back in to his home and family when he returns - and she finds it hard to have him back under her feet: even though she has been longing for him to come home:rolleyes: .

If relationships were straight forward, and emotions logical, oh how easy life would be - but I do think that you need to try to stay out of arguing cos when we are hurt we tend to say things that we don't EXACTLY mean just to hurt back - and then a point of no return can come.

Try gently to get him to stay elsewhere for a while and talk about the subject in a neutral place (he certainly doesn't sound like he has totally made his mind up if he didn't like you emailing your friends) and give it time. It takes time for things to get bad - it can take time for them to improve.

Not sure that the hol is going to be great - but one never knows, the change of scenery and the lack of the home pressures can make it different.

Chin up - and have another hug for luck!

barnaby-bear

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Ok I am going sound like a cow now but I think he is being so out of order here.

give him a couple of nights on the sofa for the kids, and then ask him to leave. you DO NOT deserve this. I cannot write that strongly enough. You have hung on through losing your Mum, taking over looking after you nan, your Dad falling apart. why the HELL should he get to come back and act like the wounded party.

I hope i don't offend you kizzy. I just believe he is wrong.

xxxx

But there will always be the behind closed door bits - we get the highlights on here - she's got 21 years of history to resolve... it sounds very difficult before this bombshell losing a parent and supporting elderly/ill relatives whilst caring for small kids - I struggle with feeding the cats Possibly not confronting this one and letting his sort his head for a bit rather than taking yet another person's needs on yet maybe a short term policy

Buffythedebtslayer

its hard but they will be upset. it is not your fault. he made this decision - to leave without trying, this is on him.

you can't protect themI only wish you could, you just do the best you can to give them stability and security.

and ask the council about home help for your nan or do you have a brother or sister who could take some of the load.

going through all this is going to be hard, a difficult nan and Dad will need to take a back seat for a bit at least.

xxxxxxxxx

moggylover

Poppy9 wrote: »

If he is home for a few more days can you take yourself off to stay with a relative/friend for a couple of nights. Give him a taste of what he can look forward to as a single parent.

Good idea! Why didn't I think of that one - you deserve a break!

barnaby-bear

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

I know it's just prolonging things, but I don't want to upset the children

I'm sure long term they'll be fine - it's really basic stuff like decency and respect they pick up on not whether life's sitcom perfection.

Buffythedebtslayer

barnaby-bear wrote: »

I'm sure long term they'll be fine - it's really basic stuff like decency and respect they pick up on not whether life's sitcom perfection.

exactly. and in some ways with him being away recently they will be used to it on a day to day basis.

focus on you, he can worry about him.

I hope up to a point you can enjoy tomorrow. it might be good for him if he is being indescisive to have fun. but don't do anything that makes you feel false. and it would be good fun for the kids.

hope you can get some sleep hun

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx