Marriage over don't know where to start

Rikki

((hugs))

The drink has probably blurred what he was going to say.

To me he sounds confused and needs to talk but can't find the words to say what he means and wants. I don't really think he knows what he really wants either.

At the right time I think it will all just come gushing out and you'll both have to wade through it and work out what it means.

Maybe he's a little scared too right now. Possibly he doesn't want to leave but doesn't know how to stay. His behaviour seems so different from the man you've described before.

If you push him too hard to make him talk you may damage any chance of keeping the marriage alive. 21 years of friendship is hard to say goodbye to.

I wonder whats really going on with him.

kizzykizzywizzy

Tell me about it, I have no idea what's up with him.
I won't be drawn into an argument either, I don't need to be dumped & insulted.
To make matters worse my DS has been crying he wants his Daddy & he doesn't want Daddy to go to work! I can't actually stand seeing him so upset.

NW-ANGEL

Well this is my third attempt now! For some reason it keeps logging me out by the time I finish posting argh!:mad:

right well I started to say I cannot compare with you on the length of time you two been together but I had been with OH 8/9 years when similar thing happened with me and my OH…like you I went onto the fight mode – thinking of practicalities and everything but dealing with the feelings and emotions you will be feeling – I personally think you are doing the right thing – all of this you will appreciate when you have days when feelings and emotions take over and you cant be bothered! again – sounds cold as you say but we had lots of horrible life ‘incidents’ along the way too – I have to say though- as I tell myself - well done on getting through all of the stuff you have over the years – and as my mum says – what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger – I firmly believe this.

Anyway, basically I completely backed off from OH as requested – but while I was there to support him – I made it clear I was not there just as and when he needed me – I some what got on with things – I also decided to think of me and my wants, needs and future….in his own time with no interference from me he went to see a counsellor and his doctor – was treated for depression…
….18 months on he was doing well but I had thought of me and decided I needed a break …

I decided to leave and shared a house for 6 months with my best mate 70 miles away – where I had grown up. of all times to tell him, it was on our wedding anniversary that it got blurted out – certainly not intentionally – so I doubt your husband even thought about it being your birthday – often its occasions that bring emotions ahead…

lots of people have said forget everything but it will help you whilst you feel you can do these things – will keep you focused – and to remain half sane at times I assure you…

…my leaving was not for the want of a single life – I was chatted up many times but in all honesty I was not interested and missed OH terribly but knew I needed the space. it was the support of my wonderful mum, brilliant brothers and my best pal –all remaining ‘side’ free and keeping their personal views to themselves they all helped me to weigh everything up and I had good and bad days and OH and I needed to know that we were not there as and when we needed each other – but in another way we were – hope that makes sense!

In the 6 months we were apart contact was minimal for the first few months and increased over time – then we began to spend weekends together…time heals as they say. I have to say it was the hardest 6 months of my life, and OH tells me it was for him too…

6 months on and things are repaired and after many tears, talks, rows, heartache, pain, laughs, loads of emotions and more Sh!££y life incidents things are better than they have ever been. We talk more, spend more time together but for us most importantly just time out – space to do our own thing and its going well...

I personally like someone else has said - dont think he wants to leave and if he has been away so long he will find it hard bein back - it is hard to adjust again- and i believe he realy did miss you terribly - its will be extremely hard but personally think the space is needed...
I hope you can take something from these ramblings anyway, just tried to share my similar experiences…

(((((HUGE Hugs))))))

What ever happens you will get through it. If I can help in anyway hola at me

xxx

kel

Buffythedebtslayer

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

No, he walked there & back, stayed to pack & walked back again with his case. With the dramatic line " This is going to be the longest walk of my life"

It is tempting at this point with lines like that to be realllllllly sarcastic.

"letting it go"

sorry Kizzy! I am such a mean cow, I wouldn't have been able to resist..

any how not helpful,

He is clearly deeply confused and hasn't a clue what is going on. Its awful and to be honest selfish of him but I guess you can't do much but wait.

I would definitely consider having a bloody good cry. In a lot of ways it must be a big relief to have him out of the house.

I hope you are managing the kids ok in terms of waht to tell them.

the mean cow in me hopes he gets blisters.

xxxxx

Skint_Lynne

It's a strange one right enough, but it sounds like a carbon copy of what my DH done. I don't bring it up anymore but he could never explain to me why he did it. I asked him why could he say he didn't love me and then 2 weeks later, he did again. He just said that he was an a*******e, and he didn't know why he said these things. Men are weird beings. His behaviour is inexcusable though. Just because he does not know what he wants he is disrupting everyone else,

He is best left alone until he can come to you and explain himself. Defo keep away from him for as long as you can until he sees sense. Your SIL can pick the wee ones up for him and take them to hers. Remember all your virtual pals are at the other end of the keyboard.

I can gie him the glesga kiss for you kizzy, (I'm sure you know what that is):wall: (that's the nearest to it that I could get). That might knock him back to his senses.

SL xx

Buffythedebtslayer

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Tell me about it, I have no idea what's up with him.
I won't be drawn into an argument either, I don't need to be dumped & insulted.
To make matters worse my DS has been crying he wants his Daddy & he doesn't want Daddy to go to work! I can't actually stand seeing him so upset.

sending more hugs ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))
Have no idea what to say. cannot stand seeing kids upset.

xx

NW-ANGEL

and it will be the longest too - ive done the walk - he is drunk - very hard but ignore him - let him go xx like you say dont get drawn into giving him an 'excuse' to leave - right now he will be doing a lot of soul searching i assure you - i think he does need someone neutral to speak to - but like someone else has said - dont push for anything - let as much go as possible. he will be back. right now as [EMAIL="!!!!"]!!!![/EMAIL] as you are feeling i assure you you are the strong one right now
xxx

kizzykizzywizzy

NW ANGEL I'm hoping that being away will help him think, I hope it doesn't take 6 months though:eek:

Buffy, I had to hold my tongue ! I almost burst out laughing, at the sheer self centredness of it, it's all me me me at the moment.
You have made me laugh abouth the blisters! you've got a similar sense of humour as me.

NW-ANGEL

Rikki wrote: »

((hugs))

The drink has probably blurred what he was going to say.

To me he sounds confused and needs to talk but can't find the words to say what he means and wants. I don't really think he knows what he really wants either.

At the right time I think it will all just come gushing out and you'll both have to wade through it and work out what it means.

Maybe he's a little scared too right now. Possibly he doesn't want to leave but doesn't know how to stay.

Completely agree;) xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

NW ANGEL I'm hoping that being away will help him think, I hope it doesn't take 6 months though:eek:

Buffy, I had to hold my tongue ! I almost burst out laughing, at the sheer self centredness of it, it's all me me me at the moment.
You have made me laugh abouth the blisters! you've got a similar sense of humour as me.

good, am glad hon xxxxxxxxxxx