Marriage over don't know where to start

Skint_Lynne

It might be a forces thing this carry on, my DH is in the Army. Sometimes, they see their single pals going out and getting drunk and doing what they like without having to answer to anyone. They can also buy what they like and go where they like when they are on leave.

I believe that some of that was in my Dh's head and he wanted to be a young single guy again. then when he got to do that, I think that he didn't like it after all, might be a midlife crisis, but unfair of him to drag you and the wee ones in too.

Runnybabbit

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Exactly RB, he is the kindest, loveliest person, you could ever meet, he's funny, has lovely twinkly eyes & we have had great times together.
The person (not) here now is not him, it's as if he's dead in his body, iyswim

Kizzy, the problem with depression is that you can never spot it yourself - my chum 'diagnosed' mine a couple of months ago, when I presented myself with my problems, she knew immediately!.

My DH had gone for promotion, got turned down, and thus resulted in one heck of a depression for about 6 months - god I went to hell and back, although he never said 'things' like your DH has said, he still blew hot and cold and just went his 'own way' for quite some time, not bothering with me or our DD. I can't honestly remember how it was all resolved, I think he just came to his senses!. So I'm hoping that your's will do the same, once he's had time to reflect on his actions, may take some time, but this time will be the start and foundations of your new future together. I'm sending you much love hun and hope that it all comes together again soon. xx

supersavershal

Ive read your thread from the start.This is awful for you, I agree with leaving him alone and having no contact.
It seems like he may be hiding something for the way SIL said he was going to talk to you, then being surprised that he was leaving.Perhaps he had something to confess (though I dont feel its another woman) and was hoping he wouldnt have to leave.
When I had been with OH for about 5 yrs he left me and said he didnt love me, I couldnt work out why, we had just been shopping for mothersday stuff and although strained it wasnt bad.I left him to it and he called 2 weeks later and wanted to get back together, he then dropped the bombshell of why he left (I wont bore you).I forgave him for leaving but what I could never forgive was that he couldnt tell me why, I thought if you truly love someone you never leave them.
He said he left for my benefit, if he had stayed I would have got hurt, like I didnt anyway!
that was about 12yrs ago and we are fine now, men are funny creatures they find it impossible to talk and be open and will go all around the houses and say what they dont mean to avoid saying what they do.I hope it works out for you I will be reading any updates.
Love shal xx

kizzykizzywizzy

There is definately no-one else, I think he was going to say something about getting on until after the holiday then going after we'd had the holiday??
She said it was really hard getting anything out of him & it wasn't just one thing that's got to him.
When he was packing, he was saying, I don't know what to take & I said you haven't got any trousers, he said I won't be going anywhere I'll be staying in bed ( I presume after work ) I told SIL this & she said NO HE WON'T BE!!

Runnybabbit

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

There is definately no-one else, I think he was going to say something about getting on until after the holiday then going after we'd had the holiday??
She said it was really hard getting anything out of him & it wasn't just one thing that's got to him.
When he was packing, he was saying, I don't know what to take & I said you haven't got any trousers, he said I won't be going anywhere I'll be staying in bed ( I presume after work ) I told SIL this & she said NO HE WON'T BE!!

Kizzy, are you still going on holiday together and how do you feel about it?

mickey_mouse

KWW sorry i am late in on this but have been away for the weekend .

I want to send you lots of dodgy hugs .

kizzykizzywizzy

I haven't decided about the holiday yet, but purely from a practical point of view, I will probably need him to come. We are going to Lake Garda - only for a week, but we wanted to go to Venice on the train, also there is a waterpark there & a theme park, with the children being so young, I am going to struggle to take them to these places on my own.
Hi Mickey - nice to see you;)

Runnybabbit

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

I haven't decided about the holiday yet, but purely from a practical point of view, I will probably need him to come. We are going to Lake Garda - only for a week, but we wanted to go to Venice on the train, also there is a waterpark there & a theme park, with the children being so young, I am going to struggle to take them to these places on my own.
Hi Mickey - nice to see you;)

Difficult one to comprehend - maybe you can ask SIL whether he has 'mentioned' anything about it - if he has, and still wants to go, then this is a positive move and will probably do you both the world of good. Please let us know the outcome xxxx

supersavershal

I had a friend who went through an awful time, domestic violence, single parenthood, job and money worries she coped really well.Then everything came together and her life was good and out of the blue she had a complete breakdown, locked herself in the house and refused to look or talk to anyone.
I asked her why this had happened now when her life was sorted and she said when everything was going wrong she had things to worry about and keep her busy.When she was sorted out the enormity of it all hit her when she allowed herself to relax and suddenly she couldnt cope anymore.
Perhaps that is what has happened to your hubby now you are debt free, and he is home it has all hit him at once, he cant express himself so he uses leaving you as a way of expressing how he is feeling.
This doesnt make sense Im tired, getting away on holiday might help the two of you.Remember its about you two as well as the children.

Keeping_Motivated

In my opinion after being away so long the very least he can do is go on the holiday if only for the kids.

Are you going to contact him tomorrow or are you going to wait for him to make contact?

KM x