Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks KM, wouldn't it be wonderful if he fell in love with me all over again in Italy!!
The reality is we'll get on ok & make the best of it.
Taking the kids down the park this afternoon with a friend, need to get a couple of bits from the shop, as yesterday, even though we both went to the shop, we both forgot things, we are both really scatty at the moment.
also I usually write a list, but everythings gone to pot in the money saving dept

GhostHunter_3

Hi

Just wanted to add my support. Dont really know what else to say but I am here as a friend as well. Let me know what, if anything, I can do.

HUGZ

Buffythedebtslayer

Morning Kizzy!

glad that you had a good night's sleep and are feeling ok. I am so impressed with you. I would have been a mess.

you take care

xxxxxxxxx

elona

kizzy

I know why you are saying it would be wonderful if he fell in love with you all over again, but it would be better if he realised how much he does love you, that "falling in love" is not a permanent state and should not be. Things like trust, fidelity, responsibility, shared goals and dreams etc are important too!

Even if he does "decide" he "loves" you - will you be able to trust him again and feel secure and happy in your relationship?

I can understand he may be depressed and not thinking clearly etc, but it would be fairer and more "manly" if he told you he was feeling uncertain and could you both go for help, as well as him going to his G.P. to see if he could be helped with his unhappiness, anxiety, or whatever he wants to call it!

It is not fair to blow hot and cold, to pull the rug out from under your feet and then complain if you tell anyone about "HIS" decision!

I am worried that all this is about him when it should be also about you and the children!!!!

Glad that you had some sleep.

kizzykizzywizzy

Elona, you've hit the nail on the head, it is all about him!
Well he'll be here tonight, I'm tempted to go out & have a spray tan ready for the holiday - never had one before as couldn't afford it. I must say I have put me on the back burner for a very long time, I've had my hair cut since he's been back, but before that it was February!
I bought some clothes yesterday, which were in the sale primark & some nice bras, as the ones I have are grey & old & have decided to be nice to me for a change.
Whilst he was away, we were getting by on £50 a week to pay for everything after bills, whilst he was running up, bar bills on the ship, he's extremely selfish & although he's said he's been a slave to me, he can't seem to do anything without asking me, "what do you think??" He had trouble making sausage rolls with our DD the other day, she was telling him how to do them!
So sometimes it is like having 3 kids.
I know what you mean about the trust, I do feel betrayed & let down, I'm sad that he didn't give me any hint of this whilst away & waited to get home to spring it on me.
Anyway, glad you can't see me at the moment sitting here with a face mask on!!

kpwll

I just wanted to add my support for you and your little ones. Please don't take offence but depression is such a selfish illness (have had a bout or two myself). You need to put yourself first, because the children need you. The children second and your husband after everything else.
When he comes to his decision (senses!!!!!) you will cope. Probably the 'will it work out or not' time is the hardest. I hate waiting for someone else to make a decision that is going to have a life-changing effect on me, when I have no real say in the outcome.
You will find the strength from somewhere to cope with the changes, because even if he stays there are bound to be changes.
Tons of hugs for you. xx

NW-ANGEL

Morning Kizzy, so glad you feeling a bit better, and like someone else says i also think the holiday is perfect timing x

Also - now is the time to put you and lil'uns first, but also fight for him too - your OH, right now as selfish as he is being - if he is depressed and by his appology today i think so....then he is not intentionally menaing to be - no excuse i know but he's in that frame of mind and untill he realise himself and takes some sort of help he wont just snap out of it, we can see it as selfish but it doesnt seem calculated or intentional....as you said he is not this type of person normally. think you bein strong and keeping cool is the best thing you can do and you are doing soooooo well sooooooo soon after! huge hug to you...but please if you really think you can sort things - be there for him if you have the strength to xx

oh also - how do you think you would have felt though if he had said something and he was away - i think it may have been even harder to be honest because you so woud have wanted to speak to him face to face.
(all i say i meant nicely - hope no offence taken - no lots of ladies are angry for you at him! sorry )
kel xx

chevalier

kizzy
well done for doing some things for yourself.
Perhaps now is the time to evaluate other areas of your life, - this is a gentle reminder that perhaps you need help with the caring role you have for you father and grand mother
chev

kizzykizzywizzy

I don't want you to think I'm the only one looking after my Nan & Dad, my Sister has been brilliant, she shares the cooking for my Nan. My Dad has been in hospital & my Sister has had to deal with all of that alone as this has been going on, she also tidied his flat up & did all his washing & ironing as the place was a mess, so now he's back from hospital hasn't had a drink & is trying to get his strength back as he has turned from a muscular fit person to an invalid. We have told him that if he carries on like this he won't be able to stay where he is, as you have to bit fit enough to look after yourself & he has already fallen over in the hallway & left blood stains on the carpet ( he wasn't drunk, just his muscles have wasted away )
Nana on the other hand is 94 & demanding as hell! when my mum died my sister arranged meals on wheels for her, just to start with as we all had so much going on & she refused to eat them & made life really difficult ( my mum used to look after her ) also all she kept on about was going to Debenhams, so I had to take her out, when I was feeling terrible. We have to do her shopping now as my Dad was doing that & now isn't able to, I'm hoping he'll be well enough to do this again soon.
Forgot to say brother not particularly helpful, but has taken my Dad out & visits him now & again & visits my Nan now & again. Which to be honest , although he doesn't do as much for them, they seem to be happier to see him than us!
He's a bloke I suppose, it's usually the daughters that do most of the stuff, but my dad really appreciates the male company, so on that front he's helpful

NW-ANGEL

didnt realise you had all this too kizzy. you really are doin well think i would have got in a flap by now xx just sending some online support stay positive
kel xx