Marriage over don't know where to start

ZTD

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

I'm all for consultation, BUT, if he's not with me he has to do stuff for himself & think for himself, I'm not his mother & he doesn't want me to be his wife, so I don't feel that I should be constantly helping him

Are you sure about that? Really *really* sure?

You seem to be at the stage where you're thinking there will be a winner, and there will be a loser in this "battle". The unfortunate fact is that you will all be losers if you split up. You might get something better later on. But then again you might not.

The same goes for him.

Your children will lose the most of all of you. Unless you think you can find someone who will act as a complete substitute for "Dad".

Try to avoid thinking you have to hurt him, because he's hurt you. Endless revenge will just end in a war, and thinking you win a war is like thinking you will win a housefire.

Right now, you seem to be rejecting him. If that's because you see even less future in your relationship that he does, then that's fair enough. If you do think there is a future in your relationship, then communicating that to him might be an idea.

Keeping_Motivated

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said 'he is losing more than me'. Although you are going through so much I am pleased he has not knocked your confidence down enough for you to forget that.

KM x

Buffythedebtslayer

Kizzy still think you are fab. Wow I couldn't keep it together nearly as well as you are.
It must be almost impossible to be civil and calm. I 'd so be shouting!

you have my absolute respect and support.

take care of yourself and your lovely kids

xxxx

Rage_in_Eden

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

He came out into the garden & asked if I needed a hug, I said no, why do you, he looked shocked said no & went back in the house.....................He had a shower while he was here & said what shall I do with my washing! I said take it with you.

Hello Kizzy - glad your feeling better today - that made me laugh "what do you want me to do with my washing?" I'd have been hard pressed not to say "well there's these wonderful things called laundrettes!" :rotfl: :rotfl: Cheeky devil. Sounds like you're doing the non-needy thing and he's expecting you to be all throwing yourself at his feet and holding onto his ankles.... bless. AnywayI'm off to bed as I feel dreadful and have just been "ill" all over the sofa (thank heavens it's leather and the fluffy cushions can go in the wash :rolleyes: ). Trust Mr Rage to be out as well!!! Will check in with you tomorrow.

penniless96

I've been following this post and i just want to say Kizzy you are so strong and an inspiration to many people with similar problems!!!! Carry on been the one in charge!!!!

kizzykizzywizzy

ZTD, I'm not trying to win anything, but him back!!
I love him dearly & always will, but by smothering him he didn't seem to bother with me, by just being civil, he seems to be more interested - I don't want to play games with any of our lives.
I'm not 100% sure he wants to end it, he took an age to pack yesterday & has text me 3 times today, I just think he NEEDS to know what we will all lose.
He's the one that needs to be told what he's losing I KNOW.
I'm not getting shirty with you, so hope it doesn't come across that way, I think I saw a glimmer of hope when he sat with me rather than with the kids, I said you're here to see them not me & he said they're playing nicely, I'll leave them for a bit. He also looked at me quite a few times, for a long time, might be seing more into it, but perhaps he was thinking, jesus what am I doing? Or perhaps he was thinking yipeee!!! I'm shot of the old bag!

ZTD

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

ZTD, I'm not trying to win anything, but him back!!
I love him dearly & always will, but by smothering him he didn't seem to bother with me, by just being civil, he seems to be more interested - I don't want to play games with any of our lives.

That's always the tightrope. But let's face it, when you two got together, you weren't smothering either.

That's probably the ideal to aim for - he didn't love you when you first met, but that changed.

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

I'm not 100% sure he wants to end it, he took an age to pack yesterday & has text me 3 times today,

He's looking for the magic words from you. But what exactly they are I don't know. Sorry.

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

He's the one that needs to be told what he's losing I KNOW.

Are you also telling him what he gains? Or is it all stick?

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

I'm not getting shirty with you, so hope it doesn't come across that way, I think I saw a glimmer of hope when he sat with me rather than with the kids, I said you're here to see them not me & he said they're playing nicely, I'll leave them for a bit. He also looked at me quite a few times, for a long time, might be seing more into it, but perhaps he was thinking, jesus what am I doing? Or perhaps he was thinking yipeee!!! I'm shot of the old bag!

If he thought he was getting shot of the old bag, why would he have left them playing on their own? Playing nicely or not, he can still interact with them. Unless of course, there's something better to interact with.

kizzykizzywizzy

I've told him that we can have a nice life together, we have a nice house, not loads of money coming in, but we can get by. We are now out of debt, so won't have that pressure we had before with that & there's so much fun to be had with the kids & of course me, this was right at the begining & he sort of blew out air as in AND.....
When we got together he did all the chasing, I really liked him, & thought he'd make a nice boyfriend for someone, not ever thinking me, we became friends & then one day I just realised how gorgeous he was.
I don't think I give him any more stick than he gives me, we do bicker, but we have had no major arguments for as long as I can remember, before this & we aren't arguing now anymore.

vodkawitch1

I hope you get through this ok. You need to think of yourself and the children. If he has decided he doesn`t want you all then that is his lost - just try and survive and leave him to it - silly man.

kizzykizzywizzy

Rage_in_Eden wrote: »

Hello Kizzy - glad your feeling better today - that made me laugh "what do you want me to do with my washing?" I'd have been hard pressed not to say "well there's these wonderful things called laundrettes!" :rotfl: :rotfl: Cheeky devil. Sounds like you're doing the non-needy thing and he's expecting you to be all throwing yourself at his feet and holding onto his ankles.... bless. AnywayI'm off to bed as I feel dreadful and have just been "ill" all over the sofa (thank heavens it's leather and the fluffy cushions can go in the wash :rolleyes: ). Trust Mr Rage to be out as well!!! Will check in with you tomorrow.

Oh Rage, hope you are feeling better soon:o