Marriage over don't know where to start

Runnybabbit

Hi huns, glad to see you are in a positive state of mind today.

You are such a positive and proactive person, dealing with all that you have to, and having dealt with such traumatic experiences in your life, you have my total respect and if 'awards' for wonder woman were being given out, you'd win hands down.

Maybe your DH is resenting this? Most men would find a strong and positive woman a challenge and find it rather 'sexy' (I've watched the Trisha Show!) but some men still need to feel 'in charge'?, you know your DH better than anyone, so maybe, like you said, when he asked whether you needed a cuddle, you said no, so he's not needed anymore (if that makes any sense). Maybe all he needs are some 'signs and signals' from you, that puts him 'as the hunter and gatherer'. But like I said in my previous waffle, it still could be depression, but I'm no doctor, so can't really comment. Loads of luck huns, xxx

pixiedoc

Hi - I've just joined the site and am a psychologist and previously a barrister in...family law. I really feel for you but let me know if you would like a completely objective perspective on this as it may be a bit painful :-(

Best wishes.

kizzykizzywizzy

Go ahead pixiedoc

kizzykizzywizzy

Runnybabbit, I'm no "wonder woman" :rotfl:

I don't try & take charge of things, I'm left to take charge of things, I'd love it if everything wasn't down to me all the time, & if he isn't happy with things this way around, he needs to be more assertive & get on & sort things himself

Runnybabbit

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Runnybabbit, I'm no "wonder woman" :rotfl:

I don't try & take charge of things, I'm left to take charge of things, I'd love it if everything wasn't down to me all the time, & if he isn't happy with things this way around, he needs to be more assertive & get on & sort things himself

Oh wouldn't it be nice, I only hope you didn't take the post the wrong way, I would be mortified if you did, just wanted to help you in a time of need darlin, xx

kizzykizzywizzy

Oh, no, not at all

I must admit I'm sitting here now wishing I'd said goodbye to him at the door.
I also wish I hadn't said to him that it was a long time tonight & that he should come around a bit later - but I know I need to leave him alone to make up his own mind, although he says he has. I'm hoping he's not just being nice to me because of the kids or because he feels sorry for me

Keeping_Motivated

Maybe its best to give him a few days alone with his thoughts as you have been doing, then ask him if he is still sure this is what he wants?

KM x

Runnybabbit

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Oh, no, not at all

I must admit I'm sitting here now wishing I'd said goodbye to him at the door.
I also wish I hadn't said to him that it was a long time tonight & that he should come around a bit later - but I know I need to leave him alone to make up his own mind, although he says he has. I'm hoping he's not just being nice to me because of the kids or because he feels sorry for me

Poppett, I don't think for a minute he feels sorry for you, he's just desperately sad and confused - sometimes I wish we had been blessed with hindsight xx

kizzykizzywizzy

Anyway, I think I'll go to bed.
Hope he texts me tomorrow as I need him to ask SIL if she'll look after the 2 hamsters whilst we are away. I might just phone her & then I might be able to see how he's been whilst he's been staying there. I managed not to ring her today, it must be a pain for her having him there anyway, without being constantly in the middle of all this, so don't want to annoy her.

cazziebo

Kizzy, you're amazing. You're reacting with such strength and dignity to this. No matter what happens next, you'll cope.

Your story is so like mine - right down to the defending, only seeing the good, the excuses and from his side the touching, and flirting. I really don't want to say anything that might hurt but there were some alarm bells ringing as I read your story.

My ex told me when he was leaving that I could keep the house, he'd give me as much as I wanted, he could live really frugally. It was all his fault and I shouldn't suffer. I desperately wanted him back and thought if I didn't rock the boat then eventually he would see what he was losing. After about three months the lawyers' letters started about "reasonable maintenance". I had to go back to full time work (leaving a three year old and 5 month old in childcare) to keep the house. The maintenance didn't even cover the childcare. I so wish I'd got everything in writing while he was still in the feeling guilty stage.

Everyone told me there had to be someone else - even my GP who didn't know him. "No, he wouldn't lie to me. I know there's no one else. He's just depressed with work". Later found out he'd been staying with her when I was in hospital having the baby. (told me DD1 was staying with her aunt and uncle for a treat so he could catch up with work and have time off later).

Your number one priority has to be to look after yourself. Look after yourself financially, emotionally and physically. If you're not eating much then make sure you're eating good stuff. Keep reminding yourself that you're the strong person here - these are his issues and you have to get on with your life, whether he's part of it or not. And start preparing yourself financially.

Maybe it's just a wobble, but it's his wobble and you deserve so much more.

xxx