Marriage over don't know where to start

SuziQ

Kizzy I am a late-comer to your thread but you are doing really well-putting your kiddies first,which women are much better at than men!-and finally doing some nice things for yourself!
I am much older than you,but have been through 2 break-ups. I was on my own for almost 5 years after my first marriage broke up. I was lucky to have an interesting job,a great supportive child minder (though no family nearby.) I felt I had been a single mum for years anyway,so the transition wasn't too bad. Second time around,although I have 3 children now (1 of whom is autustic) I felt I had 4 as my second husband is so useless and selfish. I badly miss the good times we had at the start of the relationship but the last few years were a farce-I have found out so many lies my ex has told me and it changes the way you feel about someone.
I know this isn't the same as your circumsatnces,but believe me you will cope. If you do get back together with him though,make sure it is for the right reasons and that you lay some very strict ground rules. Use it as an oppurtunity to sort the niggles out of your relationship and make sure he realises that you have decided what you want and you are not going to be treated as though he has done a favour coming back to you.
My ex regularly indicates he knows he has made a mega mistake and wants me back,but as I have seen no improvement in his behaviour and he is still lying to me I see no reason to even consider trusting him again-my children certainly aren't any worse off currently given he was lying all the time and running up stupid amounts of debt.

I do wish you all the best in this-I want YOU to get the result YOU want!
You have shown remarkable restraint and maturity and you deserve a great result from this.

kizzykizzywizzy

He's just text me, do I want anything from the shop on his way around here??
Almost like an excuse to text me
I've said no as I'm popping up there later anyway
Also he used his pet name for me - he's a strange one

NW-ANGEL

thats men for you (sorry any guys :rolleyes: )
kel xx

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks SuziQ
I may sound as though I'm being mature, inside I just want to scream at him!
Time will tell & as someone said earlier these things make you stronger, I am a strong person to cope with all the things I have all through my life really, but then everyone has that sort of thing to cope with & they manage too.
I've had some very very nice times, we went on some great holidays, that was really our thing, it gave us something to look forward to, when things weren't so great elsewhere in our lives. We've just been best friends.

Buffythedebtslayer

Kizzy, still think you are amazing.
hope any interactions with bloke go well.

buying new underwear is FAB isn't it.

((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) in case you need them

xxxxxxxx

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks for all your encouragement Buffy, yes love getting new undies!!!
You never know his other brain ( iyswim ) might take over from the one in his head!! Sorry I'm very naughty:o
Just off to park see you later

gratefulone

Hi kizzykizzywizzy. Glad you are having a better day today. Hope you enjoyed the park with the children and hope this evening goes well for you. It sounds like your partner is having second thoughts and seems genuinely confused. While the ground is so shaky for you both perhaps you could focus on what makes you feel good and helps you to feel secure and happy. Sounds like OH looks to you for direction and stability so no doubt who the strong one is! Anyway, hope this evening is good for you all as a family. Best wishes.

GeorgeUK

It does sound like he is having trouble sorting out what he wants. Possibly mood swings will be part of this but i guess you'll need to wait and see. If he has been unhappy for a long time due to working away from his family, knowing you have so much more time with them may be causing some resentment. Couple this with stress of work and only being part of a family every other weekend - he could have reached breaking point.

Not wanting to read too much into an unknown situation or give false hope, but if he felt so frustrated that he wanted everything to just stop - this may explain why he has been so distant, yet still looks to you as he feels lost.

Ok, i'm putting the crystal ball away now. No point in me second guessing anything here. Just really hope you can work through this and that he knows just because he has started down a road, does not mean that he can't change direction. He may feel unworthy or foolish but if he doesn't know why he's doing something - that's when you should just stop until you have an idea of what direction you should take. Not just flounder around in the dark.

Lots of ((((hugs))) - but no dodgy ones.

kizzykizzywizzy

Went to the park & had a nice time, whilst there I had 2 texts from him, haven't had any off his own back before now, only replies to mine in the past.
So the first one was about him needing to book 2 days off in September as I have to go into work ( he's seeing me tonight, so whats the urgency? )
Second one was shall I pop in straight from work? - well we've already said that's what he's doing!
Crazy

Keeping_Motivated

Sounds like the calmer you get and the more quiet (re texting, contacting etc) and the less needy you seem the more he feels the need to have some sort of contact. I am not suggesting you are needy by the way I just mean we can all come across that way when someone tells us they don't want us, does that make sense? I know what I mean.

KM x