Marriage over don't know where to start

gerturdeanna

And before people start harping on about benefits etc etc - I'd paid for them and now I need them



Sorry, just read that back and it sounds really rude!

scottishfreebiehunter

gerturdeanna wrote: »

And before people start harping on about benefits etc etc - I'd paid for them and now I need them

do not worry about benefits I had to call for a crisis loan yesterday due to my oh taking my money and guess what no one got back to me:mad:
all the idiots of the day get money handed to them on a plate and i have to beg:o
I have never had to do anything like this before either though we have to do what is best for kids

kizzykizzywizzy

gerturdeanna - I had a huge pack through today from income support, I haven't even looked at it yet, I can't face it.
Yes this is why there are benefits, & you need them & so will I, through no fault of our own

scottishfreebiehunter

I am trying so hard here make up ,hair to look presentable to get out and finding it really hard ,but I know I have to for ds

Keeping_Motivated

scottishfreebiehunter wrote: »

:mad::mad:he has been on phone talking crap again slagging me off

I know this might be very very hard and near on impossible but the more anger you show him the more he will find it easy to be nasty to you and find an easy reason to blame you for all he has done wrong and his actions at the moment. The nicer you are (and I don't mean grovelling or anything) the more placid then the harder he will find it to be angry/nasty.

From what you have said he has never been like this before so it shouldn't take long to turn him around. Both you and your son need to go quiet, make it difficult to contact you and when you do speak to him be very very calm. The anger is making you feel worse and like I said its playing right into his hands at the moment.

Having said all that I know I am not the one dealing with it and I would be angry too but while I am on the outside I can be more rational if that makes sense.

I hope you and your DS manage to have a calm day with no phone calls or texts to interrupt it. Could you leave your phones at home maybe? Today is about YOU and DS your ex does not deserve to monopolise a second of it.

KM x

Keeping_Motivated

scottishfreebiehunter wrote: »

I am trying so hard here make up ,hair to look presentable to get out and finding it really hard ,but I know I have to for ds

Go girl... Your son will always remember your efforts and will be teaching him a massive life lesson, your being an amazing example. You are bound to find it hard because you are human with a heart but you can do this and you will be proud of yourself for doing so :A

Keeping_Motivated

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

It's weird, because it feels a bit like we are "dating" well to me it does, to him it probably feels like he's taking the kids out:o

Kizzy does it feel different to when you were on holiday? The dating feeling I mean?

kimlisa66

gerturdeanna wrote: »

If I was in council rented accomadation, I would get all things paid for ie rent, council tax etc etc. If I stay here cos its a mortgage, I would only get £125 per month towards a £425 mortgage.
When I googled the address, the first page is full of people being arrested for drgs, two for MURDER!!! Don't think I want my kids brought up in that!!

No wonder you got a council house so quickly, no one want's to live there !

Check with your solicitor, it may be that if it went to court, a judge would order him to pay the mortgage. A friend of mine is going through this (arent we all?) and a judge ordered her Ex to pay the full mortgage, child maintenace, spousal maintence and she is fairly secure.

Just be absolutely sure this is the right thing to do. There is no shame being on benefits, but you might find there is a way to stay in the house without being out of pocket.

Kim

kizzykizzywizzy

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Kizzy does it feel different to when you were on holiday? The dating feeling I mean?

Yes it does, he was still cold to me on holiday, yesterday when I was on the swing he was messing about with it trying to scare me & laughing & smiling at me.
Before it was more business like, if he was being nice
Meant to say SFH - let him stew leave the phone at home & have a nice day with DS, if theres anything urgent, It'll wait a couple of hours

Keeping_Motivated

Must be the relief of it being out in the open that has changed the way he is too. As you say he is 'usually' a nice person its no wonder something SO massive was eating away at him but also the fear of admitting something so massive must have been awful. If he came home and had completely acted 'normal' then you found out about the affair then surely that would have been worse because surely that is more cold and calculating?

I sound like I am making excuses for what he did now I am truly truly not I'm just trying to rationalise it a little