Marriage over don't know where to start

OberonSH

Well that's a start - hope your night goes well!

Homegrown_Idiot

Hi Kizzy (and everyone else going through the same things)

I've only ever posted questions on this site but I've just read this thread and I have some experience of the things you are going through, so I thought I'd write a bit if that's okay?

First off, I'm a bloke and we're not all as bad as some of the OH's that have been detailed here:o

My story is that as far as I knew I had a good marriage, (the occasional ups-and-downs), and I was serving in the military. I was sent on my second tour in the Gulf and when I was there I noticed that my wife seemed to be distant on the few occasions I got to call home - one word answers to my questions, never asking how I was or for me to take care (in a war-zone) etc. Well as it happened I was injured in an explosion. Immediately that my boss found out I was still alive and had been taken to an American field-hospital he called my wife and gave her the information and arranged for me to be able to call her on the satellite phone after I came out of surgery so I could 'reassure her'.
When I did get to call her there was no reply, but as I'd been in surgery for longer than expected I didn't think anything of it and I was still groggy anyway so went to sleep. The next day my boss visited to see how I was and kept avoiding the question when I asked if I could try to call home again. He seemed close to tears which I thought was odd as I was by then not in any danger. Anyway, long story short (too late!) he told me that when I hadn't been able to get hold of the wife he'd telephoned the guardroom at home to send someone round my house to see if there was anything my wife needed any help with or just someone to talk to. Turns out she wasn't there - she'd emptied the house of anything of value overnight and legged it to, what I later found out, was her boyfriend's house two hundred miles away!
I flew back to the UK to start my further surgeries and physiotherapy to also find that my wife had emptied all the bank accounts and somehow managed to take out a joint loan whilst I had been away - there's not many opportunities to shop in the desert so I'd left her all my bank and credit cards along with the PIN numbers for emergencies.

Like others who have posted on this thread, I never even suspected she was seeing someone else, I had always trusted her, and she was my best friend. She just seemed to have a total personality change very quickly. In the years before I finally got my head sorted out I would still have taken her back, despite what she'd done to me, but then I finally decided enough was enough and I started divorce proceedings.

This is why I posted here - I trusted her, believed her promises that we would split the debts evenly etc (there's no way she would lie to me surely?) and the obvious happened; she went back on all the promises and I ended up with the lion's share of the debts (£40 grand's worth).

DON'T TAKE YOUR OH'S WORD ON ANYTHING! Go see a solicitor as soon as possible, (if you can sort things out amicably afterwards then it's no harm no foul).

Here I am now, a few years later, and I can honestly say that the divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm in a lot of debt yes, but now everything is sorted out - divorce finalised and DMP running along - and I've met a couple of nice ladies, not at the same time I hasten to add :T. It really is worth getting things sorted out - don't sit there playing the 'what if' game (what if she/he comes back etc) as it only stops you getting on with your life.

All the best Kizzy and I know you'll be okay.

hot.chick

WOW homegrown idiot - what a tale... so glad your on the other side and still smiling

OberonSH

Likewise - what an absolute b*gger. Hope you're doing better now.

I too got the lion share, and although it's mine, new hubby is more than happy to help me pay it off if it means no contact with Jade Goody's Thong.

Homegrown_Idiot

hot.chick wrote: »

WOW homegrown idiot - what a tale... so glad your on the other side and still smiling

There were times that I wasn't doing well at all, but I'm glad to say I'm doing much better now. And once these debts are sorted out I'll be perfect:p

Homegrown_Idiot

OberonSH wrote: »

Likewise - what an absolute b*gger. Hope you're doing better now.

I too got the lion share, and although it's mine, new hubby is more than happy to help me pay it off if it means no contact with Jade Goody's Thong.

...and thank you so much for that image of Jade Goody's thong Oberon - put me off my dinner that has!:rotfl::rotfl:

OberonSH

lol, how do you think her hubby feels??? Washday must be a right ordeal.

I could also refer to him as Satan's Jockstrap, Gordon Brown & Rick Waller's B*stard LoveChild, or Beezlebub's Preparation H Applicator.

I have all manner of names for my ex hubby. If I'm feeling charitable I'll simply call him 'That Tw*t' or 'D*ckhead'. Bad days have a lot more stars in them.

Skint_Lynne

OberonSH wrote: »

Likewise - what an absolute b*gger. Hope you're doing better now.

I too got the lion share, and although it's mine, new hubby is more than happy to help me pay it off if it means no contact with Jade Goody's Thong.

Yuk, your ex must be a bit of a shady character.

SL x

GeorgeUK

All this almost makes me feel i'm lucky to be single!!

I can't imagine going through anything like i've seen on this thread. Totally bewildered and really hope you guys can get back on track.

HGI - i'll have to look at some of your posts, but just wondered how your wife could take out a joint loan without your signature? Did the police get involved?

Sorry - i know that's prying. Just bewildered by what some "loved ones" can do.

Rikki

Homegrown_Idiot wrote: »

There were times that I wasn't doing well at all, but I'm glad to say I'm doing much better now. And once these debts are sorted out I'll be perfect

See typical man blowing his own trumpet.

Seriously. I glad its all working out and your life's taking a better shape all be it slowly.