Marriage over don't know where to start

gerturdeanna

Exactly what I wanted to PurplePatch, you've got a much better way with words!!

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks guys, I actually don't think it'll ever happen, I don't think he would've let it get this far, he doesn't seem to be panicking about me going to solicitors changing banks etc.
Yes I am going to get on with my life & yesterday was the turning point, yes it is difficult with kids to socialise with anyone other than other mothers, but I suppose I've got a babysitter on tap now, haven't I.
It's amazing, whilst he was away & I never got a break, no-one offered to babysit, now a few people have crawled out of the woodwork saying they will, grrrr

gerturdeanna

Everyone helps in times of need, thats why we have friends - even if we haven't seen them for years!! I've had people from school (over 13 years ago) asking if I need any help - even though I've not offically annouced that we're finished yet!! Supose word gets round. I don't think he's told his family yet though - and I haven't told mine cos they are on hols and I don't want to spoil it for them. Its times like this that I wish his family was closer so he COULD go and stay with them - but they're in Spain!! Bit too far to commute for work - although his mum at the begininng of all this wanted him to go home - he said he won't cos his kids are here. I'm leaving him to do all the evening stuff at the moment, like cooking their tea, getting them bathed and in bed, I'm making the most of having a free 'live-in' babaysitter also!! heeh
Although can't actually wait for the day he finally packs his bags and goes. He put his name down for a flat yesterday btu no idea how long the waiting list is!! I think he would be better off getting a house share until things have settled and then (maybe) he would have his lightbulb moment and come home!! Which like you, Kizzy is what I really want, but right now he needs to get out first!!

kizzykizzywizzy

Isn't life poop!

But I suppose I really am the lucky one, I'll still live in my house, I've got the children full time, I won't be working ( for now ) so will have free time to help out, as I used to with school trips etc. I can do a course if I want to, I can go & look around the shops on my own, whilst they are at school - though probably won't be able to buy anything!
At the moment, I still feel very tied down, but that's just because it's the school holidays & if I forget anything up the shop all 3 of us have to go & get it, which is something of a bugbear for me.
Anyway attempting to cook a roast - to add to my achievement list, as the children have been eating rubbish.

Bargainfinder_3

Hi Kizz, I've been reading all along, and so sorry that things have taken this turn.
My mum and dad split up when I was 13, and I remember the pain it caused (he blatantly ran off with another woman)

My mum felt the same, that people suddenly offered to help her out, she was like 'Where were you for the past 10 years, I needed help then too!'

I would say - just take advantage of it and make the most of it, let people look after the kids and just take a brisk walk somewhere.

You sound like such a strong person, but I know my mum did as well, and inside her heart was breaking. It hurts and it should hurt. Let it hurt, don't feel like you shouldn't be upset.

From a kids point of view, don't worry about letting your kids see that you are upset; tell them that 'Mummy is very unhappy because she loves daddy and doesnt want him to be unhappy, but she will get happier when things are sorted out; but both Mummy and Daddy still love you very very much'.

Stay strong Kizzy, and echoing everyone else - just take 1 hour, 1 morning, 1 day at a time.

(((((hugs))))) xx

purplepatch

Good, you are sounding very positive today :T

One last thing, when my relationship broke down, I did the whole reinventing thing. I'd let myself go a little bit whilst with him appearance wise, nothing drastic just the usual thing when you're in what you believe to be a happy relationship, but the upset of the whole thing made me lose weight in double quick time, which I think you have experienced too. It will even out eventually as you will get your appetite back, but just to say make the most of the new svelter you, can you get yourself a couple of new outfits.... I know this is the debt free wannabe forum though!!... but looking good on the outside does wonders for how you feel on the inside. I did the new hairstyle too, the works. Everyone kept telling me how fab I looked and the feeling of "up yours" when I saw him a few weeks later - I swear I heard him gasp. Unbeatable :rotfl:

gerturdeanna

Mine is a complete ar£ ehole!! He got paid yesterday, I paid the mortgage, council tax and virgin from the joint account. Gone now to the cashpont and we are overdrawn - he took £550 out yesterday - leaving no money for food, petrol, other bills etc etc He's just phoned back. He said he told me but he never he proabably told his girlfriend. I am sooo ma at him!!! He has just spoiled the kids day out!! BANKER

bank_of_slate

That's some withdrawal gertrudeanna!
can you cancel his cashcard or do what kizzy did with the account?
what a total b@stard
...Linda xx

kizzykizzywizzy

I'm overdrawn too for probably the first time in a year, I took too much out when I cleared the account, I've got it here to put back in, but really can't be bothered to drag the kids to the bank at the moment & also I'm not leaving him in the house alone with them. I don't want him mooching around, my bedroom is out of bounds!!

gerturdeanna

Its a joint bank account and the bank will shut the accoutn now anyway cos we aren't allowed a bank account!!
Can't pay the bills, so he's now racked up more debt for us!! I am sooooooo annoyed!! I thought the kids were meant to come first in all this!!