Marriage over don't know where to start

scottishfreebiehunter

keeps going round and round in head has it being going on longer etc ,i know there is no point in thinking this etc, ds was sat on bathroom floor crying earlier so hard but know we will get there fingers crossed.

poppy10_2

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

I said would there be any chance we could be together, he said no, not after what I've done you'd never forgive it or forget it.

It does sound like he is genuinely remorseful for what he has done, and his earlier coldness and aloofness towards you were a defence mechanism against this. And it seems you still love him despite everything.

Are you sure you couldn't give Relate a try? Even if you only agreed to go for one session. What have either of you got to lose? Relationships do survive infidelity, on occasion.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

Pinkylouloubell

SFH,

Ahh your poor son, how old is he.

Doesnt it just break your heart up so much.

What do you say??
tell the truth, lie, make it all sound better than it is when deep inside your are crying out too, but trying to put on a brave face for your children,

Im thinking of you....

:kisses3:

Take care..

kizzykizzywizzy

poppy10 wrote: »

It does sound like he is genuinely remorseful for what he has done, and his earlier coldness and aloofness towards you were a defence mechanism against this. And it seems you still love him despite everything.

Are you sure you couldn't give Relate a try? Even if you only agreed to go for one session. What have either of you got to lose? Relationships do survive infidelity, on occasion.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

No he really doesn't want to be with me, like I say he loves her, though something dodgy has definately gone on there, she's either finished it, or is stringing him along, or is out of range for mobile (on ship), because he has no credit on his phone & can't top it up as I've cancelled his card, also he has had no money to top it up with an airtime voucher. He can't use his sister's phone to ring her as sister has itemised billing & is really skint, he already feels bad about putting her out as it is.
The comments he keeps making about I'll probably end up in a room on my own, are very telling too, also he has said he will not move away & that he will be wherever his children are.

kizzykizzywizzy

SFH try not to torture yourself, it's not worth it.
Also don't ask any questions about what they've done etc, my Sister asked all of this when her husband cheated & it drove her mad.
Also it's probably upsetting DS that you are so upset, how did you get on at Docs?

I am so sure I could get over this, if he wanted to be with me. I would just close it, like closing a box & get on with things, after all a few months blip in 21 years when he's been faithful & a wonderful husband, I know I could.

Never mind - life goes on

Fidget21

I am so sure I could get over this, if he wanted to be with me. I would just close it, like closing a box & get on with things, after all a few months blip in 21 years when he's been faithful & a wonderful husband, I know I could.

Have you told him this (clearly)?

I don't think there is any possibility of them being together. Maybe she has made it clear to him that for her it is just a fling and will not leave her husband.

Maybe if your OH sees there is a chance to repair the damage he has done he will take it, you can then move things forward on your terms and make him go to relate.

It's just a small hope, maybe just because I'm a hopeless romantic! Sorry!

mickey_mouse

Hugs to you KWW and to all that need them. You are so strong and doing great . We are all here supporting you.

kizzykizzywizzy

As I say he's coming around today to help the kids tidy, I will tell him this if we do get chance to talk, but, he just says things like - please don't, if I say how much I love him & want to be with him.
Yes I'm a hopeless romantic too.
He just says we've always had problems & not talked about them, but I didn't think we did & as you know he's the one that never talks about anything!
I suppose the moose & him don't argue -yet! After all they have all thier meals cooked for them, no financial worries as idiots at home sort all that, they go to exotic places & have friends & workmates to socialise with in the bar every night. No parental responsibilities either.

gerturdeanna

So basically the life of a single man with plenty of the other stuff thrown in!!
I know you said that you could close a box on this and forget about it all and move on with your OH - I think you need to do that but without the OH - Have some time on your own, get your benefits, go to college, get on with your life and then if/when he's ready to crawl back, you can decide then. At the moment, for all of us, I think its best if we carry on as best as we can, alone.
SFH -
Hope today is a better day for you SFH. Is there anywhere your ds could do for the day so that you can get some rest and he can play and try to forget about whats going on? What did the docs say?

purplepatch

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

As I say he's coming around today to help the kids tidy, I will tell him this if we do get chance to talk, but, he just says things like - please don't, if I say how much I love him & want to be with him.
Yes I'm a hopeless romantic too.
He just says we've always had problems & not talked about them, but I didn't think we did & as you know he's the one that never talks about anything!
I suppose the moose & him don't argue -yet! After all they have all thier meals cooked for them, no financial worries as idiots at home sort all that, they go to exotic places & have friends & workmates to socialise with in the bar every night. No parental responsibilities either.

You sound as though you are fairly certain that you would want to give things another try.

He clearly isn't ready to think about this at the moment. I think all you can do is sit him down and tell him to hear you out just once, that you realise that he isn't ready to make any decisions but if the time comes that he thinks that he's made a mistake and wants you back, then not to think that he can't approach you and that the door isn't necessarily closed. Don't say it in a tearful emotional way, just say it as calmly as you can, make your point and then say that the matter is now closed.

And in the meantime you have to get on with your life. I know it's never straightforward with kids, but can you get out in the evening, join new things, dancing classes, keep fit, cookery, anything! to get you out meeting new people to try to take your mind off things.

Once you start to meet new people unconnected with your past life with him, you might find that you're happier than before, you might meet a new someone special, you might not, but once he sees you being independent and strong, it might bring him to his senses.