Marriage over don't know where to start

Keeping_Motivated

I suppose the thing you have to worry about is if he does get together with the other woman will she 'allow' him to continue paying X amount of his wages to you or will she insist that he pays only what he is legally entitled to pay?

You are not stupid though Kizzy as you have dealt with all the finances all this time so you know to keep your eye on things and you are 100% capable of that so that will help your eyes wide open if things change financially from his direction. Believe what he says while also taking all the legal advice you can so you are well armed should things turn and at this moment in time that is all you can do.

The other thing you could do is enrol on an evening course, let him look after the kids, make new friends ( you will from a course believe me) and also it will be taking you forward slowly career wise. I know this will take alot of strength from you at the moment but it is the right time to enrol, starting in September and you will seem more attractive to him the more you move forward and plan, believe me.

Always remember SUCCESS IS THE BEST REVENGE so be sucessful Kizzy and what success is will be personal to you so do some thinking on what success is to you and start plotting that revenge.

KM x

kizzykizzywizzy

Thank You everyone, I know you all say I'm too trusting, BUT I have spoken to him about the children, & if he does get with moose, that they still come first & he has said they will always come first they are my world. I said what if she wanted to do something & it was your day for the kids, he said THEY COME FIRST.
I said, that I wish he had been straight with me when he got home & then he wouldn't have caused me such pain, obviously I would have still been distraught, but I wouldn't have had a month of hell. He said he really regretted it. Like you say you can't make someone love you, he loves her, I can't see it working, but that's not my problem.
I have rung C/TAX & C/TAX benefits as when he went to CAB they said I should get this for nothing. I have also rung income support & they are sending me the forms, C/TAX 25% off now until income support sorted out.
I got of the phone from income support & just cried my eyes out, I really feel awful that I am going to be on benefits, I know that's what they are there for, but it makes me feel skanky.
About the college course, maybe I will do something, I'll probably get it free, being that that I'll be on benefits.
I always remember a car sticker I saw once "WORK HARD ALL YOUR LIFE - PEOPLE ON BENEFITS NEED YOU"
At least I've got on with a few bits, knowing what's going on is what I needed. I did manage to do the shopping & I did get the kids shoes too, so I'm quite pleased with myself today

scottishfreebiehunter

OMFG what a day he turned up gave me some of the money that went into his bank:rolleyes:as seemingly did not realise was mine
Spoke to benefit people and all they could do was apologise and say sorry,sorry i said after fixing it all out.
My so called oh says he still cares for me and still confused well he can be confused as I made the biggest decision of my life today and told him I was finishing it:( as cannot be put through all this heartache for myself and ds any longer,if he wants a single life then he can run along and have one though we will be keeping house for now and all his lovely bottles of expensive whisky will be on ebay tonight as not sure where else to sell them
I have had nearly two weeks of pain and heartache and i dare say many more ahead but will not have him telling me one thing and wanting his cake and eat it so to speak

I have been sitting crying yet again and see no outlook in life though I know there will be so so hard


just read kizzys and to add he has said same also that my ds will come before anyone!told him if that ever changes then his lose ,i do believe he means this though time will tell

Glad you got on with things today K ,I am still eating chip suppers need to get shopping

mumoftwins

Kizzy,

I am off on holiday tomorrow for 10 days so won't be around but I just want to say that whatever you are feeling right now - go with your gut instincts, they are not often wrong. Also, before making any decision just take a bit of time out to mull it over and then the right decision will be made.

Also, as my dear old Mum says 'If in doubt - don't'.


Lots of love and hugs to you and to SFH and Gertrudeanna, and I'll 'see' you all a week on Tuesday.

Love MOT xx

mumoftwins

scottishfreebiehunter wrote: »

OMFG what a day he turned up gave me some of the money that went into his bank:rolleyes:as seemingly did not realise was mine
Spoke to benefit people and all they could do was apologise and say sorry,sorry i said after fixing it all out.
My so called oh says he still cares for me and still confused well he can be confused as I made the biggest decision of my life today and told him I was finishing it:( as cannot be put through all this heartache for myself and ds any longer,if he wants a single life then he can run along and have one though we will be keeping house for now and all his lovely bottles of expensive whisky will be on ebay tonight as not sure where else to sell them
I have had nearly two weeks of pain and heartache and i dare say many more ahead but will not have him telling me one thing and wanting his cake and eat it so to speak

I have been sitting crying yet again and see no outlook in life though I know there will be so so hard


just read kizzys and to add he has said same also that my ds will come before anyone!told him if that ever changes then his lose ,i do believe he means this though time will tell

Glad you got on with things today K ,I am still eating chip suppers need to get shopping

SFH,

See my post above, the same goes for you too hun. Look after yourself, see you in 10 days,

MOT xx

Keeping_Motivated

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

, so I'm quite pleased with myself today

And so you should be...

As for the benefits this was not a lifestyle choice and from the sound of your personality will only be a stop gap while you tend to your change of life and your children. Make the most of the fact that you will get free courses for all the reasons I said in my last post.

You have done loads today and everything you do will pull all of this together into some shape for the future.

KM x

scottishfreebiehunter

The same as here Kizzy I feel so pathetic when you speak to the benefit people as they ask so many personnel questions etc
I have done nothing and grass to long ,washing piled high etc etc and really need to get a s s in gear.
When he left it was as if he was doing me a favour etc unreal

scottishfreebiehunter

really down in the dumps and scared I have no life left to live,I know that is stupid but how I feel

get_me_debt_free

Hi Kizzy,
I felt the same as you when I needed to go on benifits, Thank god they are there,I was on then 12months while I sorted myself out first time ever and I was 30 years old, I felt so bad about being on them but I had worked all my life and when I needed to I had them, Don't feel bad about it, I remember Thanking the benifits asessor so much when he came when I finally came back off them, he said gosh that doesnt happen very often,!! being thanked for there help.
I have been through what you are going through and a bit more, you have to stay strong and think of you and the kiddies, My kids have been my rock, give yourself time, its hard but you will get through this and he will end up regreting what he has done, you dont need to do anything, Just slap on a smile, get yourself to the hair dresses, get a facial, get some new clothes... and look forward to a new start... new begining... you will learn so much about yourself, remember to smile even when you want to wrap your hands around his neck! And when you do find a new bloke because you will your husband wont know what hit him babes, thats when it will start to hurt him, keep strong,.. thinking of you xx

bank_of_slate

You're closing a really long chapter of your life SFH.
Just because the next chapter isn't one that you chose to enter, doesn't mean there's no life left to live!
you're literally grieving for the loss of what you've had together as well as having to go through all the finality of dividing assets, who sees the kids when etc which can really bring it home, BUT you do have a life to live, you never know what's round the next corner, this could end up being the best thing that happened to you.
...Linda xx