Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

Good luck at the doctors SFH.
Got 6 hours sleep last night, double the night before, both kids got in with me, lucky I've got a kingsize bed! they were both upset.
Can't go to the doctors myself as still trying to sort out insurance to cover our mortgage & can't have depression on there again, after doctor putting that I had it before due to situation etc. Have to get this all sorted as husband now on lower wages than when the mortgage was arranged & may not get one now. That's why I arranged this to kick in 1st October, when our low rate ended.
They refused to insure me in the end because I fainted a couple of times when I had a virus.
Haven't heard anything from him today & feeling really low............

Got to go food shopping later & get my DD some new shoes & get DS's feet measured.
Hopefully that will keep me a bit occupied, I can't say I'm up to it really.

Keeping_Motivated

Morning Kizzy I'm glad you managed to get some sleep. If you can team that with at least some homemade soup for the vitamins today you will help keep your body going through all this awful stress or grab yourself a smoothie or something please its important you care for yourself and are kind to your body, you deserve to treat yourself well.

Have you told OH you are going to tell the womans OH?

KM x

kizzykizzywizzy

I can't remember whether I have told him or not, I don't think so, I spent over an hour today going through electoral roll in the midlands area looking for her on 192.com
All I've said is I need where she comes from as I am naming her in the divorce.
I just at the moment can't find anything.
Using bach's remedy - not working too well at the moment

Keeping_Motivated

Sounds like he was so disgusted with himself he was projecting it onto you. I wonder if he feels he has backed himself so far into a corner he has to come out fighting and there is no way he can now resolve it?

I bet his family feel hurt too as he lied to his sister when she asked him too. Has he apologised to his children for how he treated them the other day?

kizzykizzywizzy

No he hasn't appologised at all to them.
Yes I think he was so ashamed of what he'd done he couldn't face going to see anyone or talking to anyone, probably because he didn't want to lie to everyone as well.
He was really ok with me yesterday, & I think in time we would be ok, as we've always got on so well, the thing is I don't want to just get on with him, I want him to be my husband, with a "proper" family life, not this visitation rubbish.
I'm just wondering whether he may have run out of credit on his phone, as he can't top it up as I've cancelled his bank card & if he's run out of money, he can't get any out either. I nearly asked him last night if he wanted some money, but stopped myself, he could use to buy a top up voucher to ring her.
Obviously when he asks me I will give hime some money, but I have asked him to open a seperate bank account for his wages to be paid in with a direct debit to me for mortgage etc.
So when replacement card comes through, I don't want to give it to him, so he has no access to the joint "house account"
He could be funny & stop paying the money in, but I know he won't be.
I know this person so well - I knew by just talking to him on the phone there was something wrong, it's just this, does he or doesn't he want to be with the moose thing I can't figure out

Keeping_Motivated

Have you asked him if he wants to be with her or not or do you not think he would be completely honest?

You were right, in my opinion, not to ask if he needed any money, he is a grown man he will ask if he needs some or he will sort out his bank account.

He was good on holiday not texting her at all you would have thought he would have been sneaking off to make contact?

I wonder if the other woman knows that you know yet?

KM x

chevalier

totally different slant but have you thought about going away over the weekend ie so that you don't have to be around? Even if it is going away to a travelodge for a night or something?

That way he could see that you are no longer at his beck and call AND give all 3 of you a break too


And another thing, have you mentioned to school what is happening in case either of the children start behaving differently in class?

chev

gerturdeanna

Just bookmarking this so I can read again later when I have more time - am up to page 8!! You know Kizzy that you and I are going through similar situation at the moment and I am just sending massive hugs to you.

kimlisa66

boredofbeingathome wrote: »

Aww kim, what an absolute !!!!!!..you are a very strong woman for standing up for all your rights and sorting him out..well done.
I am sorry you are in this position and really do agree that you are better off without his maligning influence. x

Hiya

At the time I, like Kizzy thought my world had collapsed around my ears, and I would have done anything to have him back, but I woke up and took a long hard look at what had been happenening.

Usually, what you find is if they have told one lie, cheated, decieved etc, it generally escalates and when you start chipping away at the evidence, you uncover a whole web of deceit and duplicity. It crosses over every aspect of your life, like finances, kids, friends etc.

My advice to Kizyy is to do whatever she needs to do to get through and I understand her need to hunt down this woman and put a face to her. She doesn't have the answers and is looking for them, there is nothing wrong with that,

To this day I still don't have the full story of what went on, but what I do know is that my future looks brighter without him and Kizzy will probably look back in time, when all this current trauma is over and feel the same.

Kim x

kimlisa66

mumoftwins wrote: »

kimlisa66 wrote: »

He still denies to this day anything went on, the bloody idiot. Just some history as to our relationship, for that past 10 years with the advent of the internet, he became heavily involved with online live sex sites, very secretively, but I came in one day and found him performing a sex act on the webcam with some woman on the other end, in broad daylight,
]

What is it with men and their obsession for these sex sites? This is the very same reason (and his affair, amongst other reasons) why my ex and I split up!

Ex used to store graphic video downloads under 'My Music' on the computer - I found out by chance as I wasn't very computer literate then - and one morning my DS who was only 7 at the time opened 'My Music' and was one click away from these awful videos!!! I was absolutely disgusted and mad :mad:

Hot footed it to the solicitor soon after

Hey Mumoftwins,

I know, some men are no better than sewer rats are they ?
Now if the boot had been on the other foot and you or I had done that, can you imagine what they would have said or done ?

Hugs to all of you that are going through the nightmare of separation and divorce, special hugs to Kizzy

Kim x