Marriage over don't know where to start

Buffythedebtslayer

well, so long as he hasn't got spare keys, I worry that he would just turn up and it would be difficult for you.

I know this is going to sound mean, but I am glad he is upset, at least he has some realisation of the terrible thing he has done. It must be very hard to see him like tho. some one you love in pain is awful.

take care hon - you are eating, right??

and bed early tonight!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx((((((((hugs))))))))xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Poppy9

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

SFH - give me a ring hun;) I'll call you back I get free calls up to an hour, mind you I don't usually only stay on there that long:o my phone bill is going to be horendous this month, even with the free calls!

set your oven timer for 55 minutes to remind you hang up and redail for another hour's free call!

scottishfreebiehunter

I have just been verbally abused by him on phone threatening me and saying vile and disgusting things,that I cannot print on here and I am so scared and upset and do not know what to do

Buffythedebtslayer

SFH, that is awful obviously. Can you change your phone number?
Is there anyone you can phone? report it to the police.

Right I know its hard, but don't let him scare you - he can't get into the house? you can deadlock the door?

Please keep writing here some we know you are ok?

xx

scottishfreebiehunter

I am okay just very shaking and torn up and do not deserve this

bank_of_slate

PHONE THE POLICE! and ask for a log number!

Tell them what he has threatened to do! and that you are genuinely concerned about your safety and that of your child.

can you apply for a restraining order that prevents him coming anywhere near
...Linda xx

Rage_in_Eden

Well I'm just about to whip up a batch of calpo wine cocktails - the "Copacalwino" - any takers? Actually today has been a bit naff for me - found a bird with a broken leg in the front garden, on the 'phone to RSPCA and out of hours vet with avon box with shredding it at the ready..... on the 'phone so thought Mr Rage would have kept an eye on the bird. Which Does he? does he....... as when I go out avec the cardboard box (bear in mind here we live on a main road with a bus stop outside our house and neighbours who arelady think I'm daft it's disappeared. sometimes I look at him and think "it's David Hession and the sandpit in 1st year infants all over again..." Must be some "brain" gene they're missing (not Gene of course!!) However, glad to see you're feeling a bit better kizzy. I would have changed the locks but it's your call.... Scottish - you are eating aren't you - wine gums that you found down the back of the sofa DO NOT COUNT! Contact your service provider re the phone. They can block certain numbers for you or make all numbers have to go through an "operator/screener". Alternatively tape the bar-steward and take it to a solicitor/the police. GirlRacer - LOL. Now, I'm going down "to the smoke" (in search of 80s Gene) this weekend so I probably won't be able to log on - I'll try to check in with you tomorrow but as it is last day in work it will be "everyone wants a piece of Rage" day...... I can hardly wait...

bank_of_slate

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100330002
Making a safety plan

A personal safety plan is a way of helping you to protect yourself and your children. It helps you plan in advance for the possibility of future violence and abuse. It also helps you to think about how you can increase your safety either within the relationship, or if you decide to leave.
You can't stop your partner's violence and abuse - only he can do that. But there are things you can do to increase your own and your children's safety. You’re probably already doing some things to protect yourself and your children – for example, there may be a pattern to the violence which may enable you to plan ahead to increase your safety.

Plan in advance how you might respond in different situations, including crisis situations.
Think about the different options that may be available to you.
Keep with you any important and emergency telephone numbers (for example, your local Women's Aid refuge organisation or other domestic violence service; the police domestic violence unit; your GP; your social worker, if you have one; your children's school; your solicitor; and the Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge: 0808 2000 247).
Teach your children to call 999 in an emergency, and what they would need to say (for example, their full name, address and telephone number).
Are there neighbours you could trust, and where you could go in an emergency? If so, tell them what is going on, and ask them to call the police if they hear sounds of a violent attack.
Rehearse an escape plan, so in an emergency you and the children can get away safely.
Pack an emergency bag for yourself and your children, and hide it somewhere safe (for example, at a neighbour's or friend's house). Try to avoid mutual friends or family. See the suggestions below on What to pack if you are planning to leave your partner.
Try to keep a small amount of money on you at all times - including change for the phone and for bus fares.
Know where the nearest phone is, and if you have a mobile phone, try to keep it with you.
If you suspect that your partner is about to attack you, try to go to a lower risk area of the house - for example where there is a way out and access to a telephone. Avoid the kitchen or garage where there are likely to be knives or other weapons; and avoid rooms where you might be trapped, such as the bathroom, or where you might be shut into a cupboard or other small space.
Be prepared to leave the house in an emergency.

Injunctions
You could try to gain some protection from your abuser by applying for a civil injunction or protection order. An injunction is a court order that requires someone to do or not to do something. There are two main types of injunctions available under Part IV of the Family Law Act 1996:
A non-molestation order
An occupation order
A non-molestation order is aimed at preventing your partner or ex-partner from using or threatening violence against you or your child, or intimidating, harassing or pestering you, in order to ensure the health, safety and well-being of yourself and your children.

An occupation order regulates who can live in the family home, and can also restrict your abuser from entering the surrounding area. If you do not feel safe continuing to live with your partner, or if you have left home because of violence, but want to return and exclude your abuser, you may want to apply for an occupation order.

Under new legislation, a breach of a non-molestation order is now a criminal offence; however, you should still be able to take your abuser back to the civil court for breaking the order, if you prefer this. If you already have an injunction, you may have a power of arrest attached, and you can also have powers of arrest attached to an occupation order. These powers come into effect if your abuser breaks the order (see below, Powers of arrest.)

While getting a court order may provide some protection, it isn't always helpful: sometimes it makes very little difference, and it can even (in some cases) be counter-productive.

Who is eligible to apply for an injunction?

In order for you to apply for one of these orders you must be an 'associated person'. This means you and your partner or ex-partner must be related or associated with each other in one of the following ways:
You are or have been married to each other.
You are or have been in a civil partnership with each other;
You are cohabitants or former cohabitants (including same sex couples)
You live or have lived in the same household.
You are relatives.
You have formally agreed to marry each other (even if that agreement has now ended).
You have a child together (this can include those who are parents of the same child, and those who have parental responsibility for the same child).
Although not living together, you are in an “intimate relationship of significant duration”.
You are both involved in the same family proceedings (e.g. divorce or child contact).
Recent legislation (the Domestic Violence Crime and Victims Act, 2004) will amend the Family Law Act so that cohabiting same sex couples will be able to apply for occupation orders, and they, as well as couples who do not live together or have children together, will also be able to apply for non-molestation orders.

If you are not eligible to apply for an order under the Family Law Act, or if you are being continually harassed, threatened, pestered or stalked after a relationship has ended, you can also get civil injunctions under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997. Recent legislation also allows a restraining order to be attached when criminal proceedings have been taken - even if the conviction has not been upheld – if the court believes you are likely to be at risk. Restraining orders can provide the same protection as injunctions under the civil law but may be more effective as they carry stronger penalties.

Action under the criminal law, coupled with restraining orders, may help you avoid the cost of taking civil legal action if you do not also need to apply for an injunction to exclude your abuser from your home. (See also the section on Police and the criminal prosecution process.)

If you are applying for an occupation order you either have to have a legal right to occupy the home (as joint or sole tenant or owner of that home), or you have to be or have been married to, or cohabitating with, an opposite-sex partner who is the owner or tenant. The court will apply a 'balance of harm' test when deciding whether to make the order. When making an occupation order, the court may make other related orders imposing obligations on you or your abuser (for example, relating to repair and maintenance of the home, or to payment of rent or mortgage).

Injunctions are normally for a specified period of time (e.g. six months) but can be renewed; or they may be made 'until further order'. There is no limit on the length of time that non-molestation orders can be extended. Occupation orders can only be extended beyond 12 months if you have a legal right to stay in the home (i.e. as owner or co-owner, or tenant/joint tenant, or because you are or have been married to the owner/tenant).

Getting legal advice

Although you can apply for an injunction yourself, you might find it helpful to have legal advice. It is best to get a solicitor who has a lot of experience with domestic violence cases, and who is likely to understand all the issues. Your local Women's Aid organisation may be able to refer you to a solicitor who has experience of domestic violence issues. The Law Society or the local Citizens Advice Bureau will also be able to give you a list of family solicitors in your area.

You may be eligible for public funding (Community Legal Services funding, or legal aid) to pay your legal costs if you are claiming welfare benefits, or are on a low income and have little or no savings. (Your partner's or husband's income is not taken into account if you are taking legal action against him.) See below Funding for legal action.

How long does it take to get an injunction?

If you are in immediate danger, an application can be made to the court on the same day without your abuser being there. This is called a 'without notice' or ex parte application. The court will need to consider whether or not you are at risk of significant harm, whether you will be prevented or deterred from applying if you have to wait or whether your abuser is avoiding being served notice to appear before the court.

If the court grants a 'without notice' order, you will have to return to court for a full hearing once your abuser has been served with notice.

If there are other family proceedings already in progress (for example, for a residence or contact order for a child) the court may wish to hear the whole case together - but they can still grant an emergency order while you are waiting for the full hearing.

Power of arrest

If your abuser has used or threatened physical violence, and the court accepts this at a full hearing of the case, then it must attach a power of arrest to an injunction (unless it believes you will be adequately protected without this). This means that a copy of the order must be held on record at the police station (you or your solicitor should ensure that this happens), and the police can arrest immediately if the order is broken, even without a specific criminal offence having been committed. A power of arrest may be attached even if the hearing was held 'without notice' if the court believes you are likely to be at risk of harm otherwise.

Under new legislation, breach of a non-molestation order will automatically become a criminal offence. Occupation orders will be treated differently, however, and a separate 'power of arrest' will still be needed.

Hope this is helpful!
...Linda xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Linda that is brilliant! where do you find this stuff? You must work for AQA!

xx

bank_of_slate

No, I should shouldn't I?
SFH are you ok?
...Linda xx