Marriage over don't know where to start

adelegalla

Think it is understandable. Sorry if I missed your story along the way, but dont do anything that you can get arrested for. It is definately over for you and your OH? Has he moved in with her? Really feel for you guys.

Poppy9

scottishfreebiehunter wrote: »

right people i got on train earlier to go down to where the b i t c h lives got to glasgow and something made me stop not fear or anything just no idea

You stopped because you are a better person than your ex. You have dignity and you don't want to be responsible for hurting someone like you have been hurt and deep down you know the only person responsible for your pain is your ex.

Think back to being a child/teenager. If you did something wrong and your parents shouted at you, then in your mind you could get mad and justify your actions. If however your parents told you quietly and with dignity that they were disappointed in you or ashamed of your behaviour it was much harder to live with.

bank_of_slate

Gertrudeanna, SFH & kizzy
it might all seem exciting for the cheating !!!!!! at the moment but as soon as the 'girlfriend' starts acting like the wife he'll soon be on the look out for the next exciting thing again.
You're the one who is far more likely to end up stable than him!!!
...Linda xx

scottishfreebiehunter

mine is so confused he keeps saying wish he would just well you know..

kizzykizzywizzy

Big Big hugs SFH - I'm glad you didn't go, it just makes you look like the kind of person he has probably told her you are. When really you were a loving wife who has her DS's best interests at heart & the same as I am, are hurting & need to vent it in some way.
Well I took the kids to see him at SIL's it was a bit uncomfortable at 1st, but we had a minute ( literally to talk ) & he said how very sorry he is & that he really didn't mean all the things he said to me, he doesn't know why he was so nasty to me & that he is in a mess. Which is pretty obvious to see.
I said you must be feeling terrible, not seeing the kids, being found out & probably missing your girlfriend, who he won't have seen for nearly a month, how you are feeling now about missing her is how I felt about you but for 4 & a half months & then you were nasty to me. Got all the sorrys again.
As for taking him back, that's really a no go, although my heart would say I would...............stupid stupid heart, he is in love with her.
I just said he should've told me before it started he was tempted, we always promised we'd do this & either try harder with us, or make a clean break, also I said he should have told me straight away, none of these games & nastiness.
Well he let me book the holiday a few weeks before he came back - no idea why, I don't know if he thought he could make a go of it with me, or whether he was going to bide his time & wait til she left ship next year & then leave me?? I still have no answers, but SIL is getting totally p'd off with being stuck in the middle so really had to behave - both of us, which was a good thing, because I really could've said some things today. He played really nicely with the kids, he kept crying though & when we left DS was so upset he kept saying I want Daddy to come home over & over, it was awful I was crying DS was crying & he was crying.
Tried facebook & FR - have been going through directories on 192.com, but need a break from it.
It seems really weird though, because he says he won't be moving from the area, & if I say are you going to get together I get I don't know, I wonder whether she might be having second thoughts, or he's more into her than him

bank_of_slate

How will my children feel or react?


How a child behaves during and after a divorce depends on the age and gender of the child, how difficult the divorce, the emotional maturity of the children and their existing relationship with parents.

Children are most afraid of being separated from one parent, will feel loss and lost because their place in the family has changed. The majority of children talk about and even plot to get their parents back together.

Some children may hide or deny their own feelings and so should be encouraged and allowed to express their feelings and frustrations too.

Some children feel guilty - they may think if they had been better behaved or cleverer at school this would not have happened. Taking on responsibility for their parent's divorce is a heavy load to carry. Ensure children are reassured and released of any guilt.

Some children feel divided loyalties which lead to confusion and further guilt. Reassure them that you both feel it is important to still see and care for both parents equally.

Parents should never criticise an ex-partner in front of their child. It can be tempting, but is very unfair. Children know they are part of both parents and they may feel they are as 'bad' as the 'ex' is. Never say in anger 'you are just like your father/mother'. A child may associate that with your rejection of each other and feel they are also going to be rejected by you.

Some children bottle everything up and show no apparent emotion on the outside. This child is likely to need help to express their feelings possibly through counselling or therapeutic intervention, otherwise may later show signs of depression.

Some young children regress to even younger years emotionally - bed-wetting, thumb-sucking , difficult behaviour, sleeplessness and tantrums may all re-appear and are signs of worry and insecurity.

Children between six and nine are very vulnerable. They may not understand exactly what is happening but know something is very wrong. They are still very dependent on the security of mummy and daddy. They frequently react with anger, lack concentration or experience problems at school. It is important to address difficulties straight away to avoid more deep seated problems later.

Some older children may be able to express a preference for which parent they would like to live with, others may be totally torn apart by the decision. They may react to the divorce with anger, grief or depression and it is common for behaviour to become more challenging and for performance at school to deteriorate. It will be important to consider counselling or family therapy together with individual therapy in order to help children to move on to acceptance of the situation. There is help for teenagers including 24/7 helplines and web sites such as There For Me and Divorceaid.

http://www.armchairadvice.co.uk/relationships/ending/emotional/fears.asp
...Linda xx

mummum2

I don't generally like to get into people's business, but just wanted to send you best wishes and think you're a strong woman and truly admire your strength in dealing with all this.

Love
MM2x

wheretheresawill

:eek: Reminds me of time I went round to see the wife of the man who told me he was single

taxi73

So sorry Kizzy to hear what he has done to you and the kids.Remember you are strong you coped all the time he was away.You will get through this as you are really strong.Glad that you've sorted the bank accounts out and have made the solicitors appointment and that you're getting on with your list.
I also believe in what goes around comes around and they'll both get their just desserts.
He obviously doesn't like telling the truth either hence why he won't answer you straight about being with her.
It doesn't look like you've got anything left to save as the way he has treated you and the children you probably could neither forgive or forget any of this.
You will get through it all though and we are all here for you.Take care xx

purplepatch

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

As for taking him back, that's really a no go, although my heart would say I would...............stupid stupid heart, he is in love with her.

Hi kizzy, I've been lurking today having found your thread last night. Really feel for you, must be hell.

Is he in love with her though? I know that everyone is rightly telling you that he is a !!!!!! and that you should kick him into touch, from experience I know it isn't that easy. Before I met my lovely DH, I was with someone else who ditched me a month before our wedding for a married colleague. Can't be bothered to go into the details as all very dim and distant memory now, best left like that, but I do know that it isn't easy to switch off those feelings and if he had wanted me back, I'm sure I'd have taken him back. Luckily he didn't as I have a lovely life now!

You have to do what you feel is right for you and your LOs and perhaps turfing him out isn't necessarily for the best. I have friends whose husbands have done similar and they have worked through it, reasonably successfully, it is possible. I guess a lot of it depends on what he actually wants and where he wants to be.

I know that he's been saying that he doesn't want to be with you, but you know these ridiculous men, I'll bet that he's been talking himself into thinking that, because of the guilt etc. Now it's out in the open, perhaps he can do some soul searching and work out what he really wants. And then you can take it from there.

Guess what I'm saying is don't rush into stuff, let the dust settle from this discovery. Don't get me wrong, I think he's been perfectly vile to you, totally dishonest etc and perhaps he doesn't deserve any second chances, but it has to be what you want and you do need to listen to your heart sometimes as well as your head. I have no experience of life in the forces, but I would imagine it's a bit of a weird situation being away from your loved ones and when you have skanky predatory females on hand, it must sometimes be a temptation.

Look after yourself and the kids, get some decent sleep tonight and tomorrow's another day.