Marriage over don't know where to start

scottishfreebiehunter

trying to calm down ds will you be going to bed soon

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks for all the advice - I do thing he has now at last realised, has taken a month!! but at the moment I still think it's just about the kids.
When I found out yesterday, OH wanted to come round & was shouting doen the phone he was coming, I said you step anywhere near this house & I'll call the police & get an injunction, he never came, I think he thought better of it.
Poppyg thanks for posting your story, not as if I have a choice at the moment as he's still with but not with!! the moose
BUT however much he may want to get back ( that's IF he ever did ) he would have to BEG ME & if he ever put a step wrong that would definately be it for him & his "knight rider"

kizzykizzywizzy

Off to bed, I will sleep so well tonight, just knowing that he is ashamed & sorry has made it a lot better than when I didn't know what was going on & if I said but I really love you - he just said tough! That was in the early begging days, no way would I do that now!
No arrangements for next visit, shall wait to hear from him, will not be calling him

scottishfreebiehunter

Take care all xxx

Kizzy thanks for chat it has helped knowing others going through same alsoxxx


going to try and get some sleep

kimlisa66

Hi Kizzy

Ive just read your thread, taken me two hours, but from your first posting I knew he was cheating....why ? Because your OH could have been mine. I just want to reassure you there is light at the end of the tunnel so hang on in there hun. Sorry for the essay but I hope my story helps you in some way.

My Ex walked out in October last year blaming me for the breakdown of our 22 year marriage, We have 3 kids, 20 18 and 10 and for years, when things didnt go his way or I wouldnt kowtow to his bullying, he would threaten to leave, and always in front of the kids. I put up with this for at least 15 years.
In October he threatened again, because I had dared to go our for an evenign with a friend, so this time I packed his bags, everything went in a bin bag labelled for him to collect when he finished work.

I will also point out that he works for my parents, and my middle son works in the business as well so very complicated. I was abolutely devastated when he left, traumatised. Im also in poor health, I have a spinal condition that can render me paralysed at any moment and chronic asthma, I work full time and run my own business. Life was hectic but we had everything we needed.

For the first week he moved out, he didnt bother to ring our daughter once, she was devastated. he was totally off with, really nasty. I could smell a rat somewhere, something wasnt adding up. I wasnt sure if he was cheating but a friend planted a seed of doubt so I started to dig.

In November,he had been gone about 3 weeks, I managed to hack his online phone bill, it was easy. There were a one thousand one hundred text messages in less than three weeks,

I sat in bed watching his bill in real time, dozens of text messages pinging up to the same number, a number i didnt recognise. I felt sick and knew then he had been cheating. I knew where he was that night, he had our daughter and was with friends at a local social club.

I phoned the number next morning and discovered it belonged to a mutual friend of ours, a woman I have known since school, and whom we went out with as a couple with her and her husband. My Ex has openly admitted to fancying this woman Maria for the past 20 years but I never took him seriously.

I confronted her and she clammed up and put the phone down. I then phoned her husband and told him, he didnt believe me at first, he was shaking with rage and went to her works to confront her.

Anyway to cut a long story short, she went scurrying back to her husband as it turns out she was just enjoying the attention...he totally lost the plot, started to threaten me physically by text and blame me for something he had done. He really thought he had a new life planned with her and it all blew up in his face.

He still denies to this day anything went on, the bloody idiot. Just some history as to our relationship, for that past 10 years with the advent of the internet, he became heavily involved with online live sex sites, very secretively, but I came in one day and found him performing a sex act on the webcam with some woman on the other end, in broad daylight, WITH OUR DAUGHTER IN THE HOUSE.

Why the hell did I not pack my bags then and leave I do not know. There were womens phone numbers in his mobile that he had taken off these sites, but he always came up with a plausible answer.

The he got into playing poker, online and in real time...to the expense of our little girl. he missed three separate performances by her at our civic hall over three years becuase he couldnt let his bloody mates down. at a poker match which was on the same day....W***ker

I had to get a non-molestation and occupation order issued in December when he tried to steal my car off the drive and sell it. I stupidly had it lifted when he managed to convince me he had a nervous breakdown and he would never do anything like this again.

The arrogant pig even turned all his family and friends against me by saying I was the one who had the affair, and declined to tell them anything about why he had really left, about his fling and his online habits....they say blood is thicker than water don;t they ? Even his mother doesnt bother with our daughter, the evil blinkered old bag. Despite me being unable to walk at the moment, she hasnt even bothered to offer to look after her granddaughter. The whole family is poison and I am glad I am out of it now.

I am still in the house, he pays the mortgage but that is more through guilt than anything else and I am staying put. I pay all the other bills and get tax credits to help. Its tough but you draw on reserves you didnt know you had.

We have made no progress on divorce because I am just going to dig my heels in and make sure everything is in my favour. He says he cant afford a solicitor despite earning £2.5 k a month and pays no rent where he is living with his auntie. I think most of his money is going on his gambling habit and drinking...he run up a 2,5k overdraft when he was with me.
This last year has been horrendous, I had a month of work with stress at the time of the break up, lost 2 stone in weight, I have just come out of hospital having had a hysterecomy which has had complications, Im off work for at least 2 months more and yesterday I find out my mum has lung cancer
I just want to say Kizzy, however bad it seems, it will get better, I am living proof and you will get through this for your children.

Kim x

boredofbeingathome

Aww kim, what an absolute !!!!!!..you are a very strong woman for standing up for all your rights and sorting him out..well done.
I am sorry you are in this position and really do agree that you are better off without his maligning influence. x

chevalier

Kissy and sfh
I am not sure what else to add. I think the pros and cons (in kizzy's case) have been made by others very eloquently. Personally I think this. If my OH had had an affair, but told me, was prepared to do anything to save his marriage, counselling, moving out, not seeing the children or whatever basically tried his best, then I would at least THINK about taking him back. But if he had suddenly turned on me for no apparent reason, and then had said no to every suggestion aimed at saving the marriage, and THEN I found he was having an affair, then there is NO WAY I would take him back. There are degrees of stupidity and nastiness and your maybe soon to be ex OH have gone way over the bounds here.

I hope that you get a better nights sleep tonight, and that DS calmed down ok later on.
chev

ps very sad about him crying, well you all crying, BUT just remember that tomorrow he might be totally unremorseful again. Even if AT THAT MOMENT he was totally broken up, by tomorrow he will have justified it all again to himself, so sadly you can't trust his tears anymore either.

mumoftwins

kimlisa66 wrote: »

He still denies to this day anything went on, the bloody idiot. Just some history as to our relationship, for that past 10 years with the advent of the internet, he became heavily involved with online live sex sites, very secretively, but I came in one day and found him performing a sex act on the webcam with some woman on the other end, in broad daylight,
]

What is it with men and their obsession for these sex sites? This is the very same reason (and his affair, amongst other reasons) why my ex and I split up!

Ex used to store graphic video downloads under 'My Music' on the computer - I found out by chance as I wasn't very computer literate then - and one morning my DS who was only 7 at the time opened 'My Music' and was one click away from these awful videos!!! I was absolutely disgusted and mad :mad:

Hot footed it to the solicitor soon after

taxi73

Morning Kizzy and all...hope you managed to get some sleep last night as stuff seems even harder with no sleep (not that it's easy anyway).

scottishfreebiehunter

Hi all


Just going to doctors shortly,no idea what and not sure If I want to take anything but will go anyway.