Marriage over don't know where to start

Rage_in_Eden

oh rollocks.......

:grouphug:

kizzykizzywizzy

Ok confession time:o I rang him tonight............. DS was dry at night all holiday although 5 still wears nappies for bed. Well last night 1st night DH was not here he weed his nappy & tonight he weed so much the nappy leaked he woke up crying, I had to change his bed & then he said I'm ill, that's why I wet myself, I asked him what's wrong & he said daddy's not here.
I can't see my DS upset I rang DH on mobile this was at about 9.30pm & he was asleep! I said he can come around tomorrow for 2 hours after work, annoyed I've had to do this but DS comes 1st.
Also annoyed he's asleep whilst I'm changing beds & ironing for 2 hours :mad: also as I said goodbye I said have a nice sleep ( yes, I was sarcastic again :wall: ) & he said Thank You, really nicely, like he thought I meant it!:rotfl:
So much for biting my tongue & sticking to my guns, I need one of you here stopping me from doing these things!:rolleyes:

Careful_with_that_Axe

Am not greatly coherent tonight and am just off to bed. Wanted to let you know that I'm sending you good thoughts, sunny days and strength when you need it.
Go to bed sweetheart and try to get some sleep. Tomorrow is another day and we're still all behind you , cheering you on.
J
x

chevalier

And this is why you need to move on with the paperwork. You also need to tell him he needs to sit down with the children and TELL THEM why he is not there. HE made this situation it is down to HIM to explain it, and to tell the children that it is not anything to do with them, it is not their fault etc. They are bound to be upset about it all and little brains can come up with all sorts of (wrong) reasons why daddy has left.

If he can't do this, then use it as a lever to insist he comes with you to relate. Explain to him that he HAS to do this to save the children as much pain as possible

Really sorry that ds has had this problem, but use the time when OH is around tomorrow to make OH tell them what is going on.

I would also give him an ultimatum that if he hasn't sat down with your PROPERLY and told you WHY this is happening by x time, then you will be starting divorce proceeding on y date. YOU ALL need the certainty of a plan of action.

Sorry he is being a pain in the donkey
chev

chev

kizzykizzywizzy

Well he has told them, but just blurted it out, just as he did to me, we were having a row & he just said to our DD, I don't love Mummy anymore I don't want to be with her I can't stand being in the same room as her! Our DD burst into tears, I said I can't believe you just did that, & he said it's your fault, you wanted me to do that!
Well YES I wanted him to tell them, but NOT like that!
He then took her in the bathroom & said more no idea what, I said we should both be talking to them, he ignored me, no idea what he said to DS.
Only good thing about them knowing is I don't have to lie & say Daddy is at work, when he's around his Sister's.
Still waiting to hear from CAB, he still hasn't spoken to me about this, he won't do anything to try & make a go of it, so he must think it's over, even if he hasn't said it in so many words. It's about 3 weeks now, since he told me, nothing's changed, he's had plenty of time.
i will ask yet again for him to speak to me, also I will see what's going on about him finding a room & a second job - need to ring WFTC today also, I started my job in March & it's very physical ( lifting tables/chairs/sweeping/mopping etc ) also ties me for 2 hours in the middle of the day, it's rubbish money, but fits in with school hours, also it gave me a bit of pride that I was now working as Son had started school.
The thing is I take kids to school have have 2 hours to fit in shopping, cleaning, ironing washing etc, go to work then 1 & a quarter hours to fit anything else in before picking them up & then having them all evening, & all weekend. I had help on about 3 occasions whilst DH was away with looking after kids, but this was only so I could do a couple of surveys & go in to work for a cleaning day, I get no "me" time at all, & I obviously thought that once DH came back I would have help in the evenings, but won't now, so I may have to give this up, or at least cut my days, as I need to take on my share of shopping for my Nan & take her out once in a while & help more with my Dad ( my poor sister has been doing both whilst this has been going on, though I did still do 14 dinners for my Nan on Sunday & took them around to put in her freezer )
I might see if I can get something else I only get £175 a month & tax credits went down £55, so £125 a month not exactly great.
You can see why I really don't want to be without DH, because I just have so much to do all of the time, & him being away was the most awful 18 months of my life.

tesuhoha

Hello kizzy

Ive been reading your thread for the past few weeks and Im sorry to hear about what has happened with your OH. I dont have a lot of advice but one thing I would say is don't give up your job. It is me time in a way because it takes you out of the house and away from your immediate problems. It is a source of income. Have you thought about trying for a job as a teaching assistant. This will fall in with school hours and will pay more, also be more interesting and it will be something worthwhile to take your mind off things. Maybe you could work mornings and then have afternoons free.

All I can say about your OH is that I think its time for you to put some distance between him and you mentally, draw away from him. Don't allow him close, into your head or heart, dont let him know what you are thinking or feeling, thats the best form of self defence. Also allow him to see the children on your terms not his. If you need some me time and support then consider when you want it and as someone else has said, maybe go out or into another room when he is with the kids. Don't stay with them. By saying he can't stand being in the same room as you he has lost the right to your company. Have some pride and stay out of his way. Keep your own counsel and do what is right for you and your children. My best wishes.

Rage_in_Eden

"I will see what's going on about him finding a room & a second job "

I don't think this is your problem - if he's capable of being the A&$£ he is then he can sort himself out - get rid of his stuff (now, if it were me a small bonfire on the front lawn would be the preferred method ).

kizzykizzywizzy

rage, I just think if he sees I'm getting serious about sorting things out, he will either
1. Get on with it & put me out of my misery
2. Think about how serious this is all getting & have a change of heart

Re the job, it is too much for me to cope with & everything else,I've really struggled, & all life seems to be is running from one place to the next, carting kids to school, parties & Beavers etc, my Nan is constantly ringing up worrying about something or other, she is very good though to be 94 & in your own home is not bad going.

Also with his stuff, I can't do anything about it at the moment as SIL wouldn't have room for it all. Don't want to make her life any more difficult, she is after all doing us a favour.

Hell1

Oh Kizzy, this is horrendous for you. Is there any way your sil can take the kids for a couple of hours so you can sit down with oh and get the answers you deserve? If at that point there really is no way of saving the marriage, you can then make plans about access, finances ect. He will have to sort himself out, can't rely on you any longer. It might sound silly, but before a difficult meeting, I run through various scenarios in my head, ie "if he says x... then I will say y.... but if he says p... i will say z.." I find this helps me be less emotional and more professional, and perhaps you could approach the situation like that?

I do know that things will get better, perhaps not immediately, but they will.

Take care,

Hellx

Buffythedebtslayer

Oh Kizzy I nearly threw my laptop across the room. I am SO MAD. how dare he say those things to your children. &%$£"!*&^%$$£££££$$££££

Chev's right you need the certainty of a plan even if its a plan you don't like if you see what I mean. Tell he can see the kids mon wed and fri or something, use some of this time to go see your (amazing) nan(you clearly come from good stock!!;) ) and some to have some time out.

You must be in so much pain honey. its not fair at all this is a prime example of the randomness of life. I am still really mad so I won't say exactly what I think of your OH.

I would definitely be packing up his stuff tho, he is so KEEN TO hurt everyone sod him. and tell him he has to find somewhere else to live a cess pit maybe?

nope its no good, I need to go swear at something.

Look don't you dare think you are to blame for this.

Will check in later

xxxxxxxxxxx