Marriage over don't know where to start

Buffythedebtslayer

Kizzy you need to get a solicitor, He doesn't sound especially stable to be honest saying all that stuff, I mean one minute its all have the house and I'll do anything and the next he is being utterly cruel to you when you haven't bloody done anything.

You need to be only thinking of yourself and your children- I know you know that sorry, but please just for your own sanity get some thing offcial started?

I am sorry if that sounds harsh I really am, but I can't explain what i mean properly! I guess I just want you to be protected from this man who seems to have changed beyond all recognition.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

kpwll

No it wasn't a typo, obviously he would be paying maintainance for the children but the responsibility for the mortgage and bills related to the house would be hers. She was told that even tho he hadn't actively been paying towards the morgage, as the house was still in joint names, he was entitled to half the value of the house, at the value of the house when it was eventually sold. I hope that makes sense. At the moment it doesn't sound as tho you can rely on whatever he is saying (not trying to be negative and nasty or upset you) that is why I said about getting things in writing NOW before it is too late. Cover all eventualities, no matter how far-fetched they sound, hopefully you won't need them but if you do you will be ready for the fight ahead.
I am so sorry that he is being horrid to you, I don't really know what to say about it. Until you really know what is going on (cos I don't think you do yet) you are going to have to play it by ear and do whatever is best for you and the little ones.
Karen xx

kizzykizzywizzy

I'm too scared to make anything "official" I know I need to, but it's so final, also a bit worried to do too much as mortgage arranged starting October & don't know if mortgage company would get wind of something if bank accounts changed.
Also have got problems with life insurance ( to cover mortgage ) as NU won't insure me as I fainted, due to a virus earlier this year, so have to fill out yet more forms to do with al that, I just really can't fill ANY MORE forms in, I'm almost getting a phobia about it.
I had a look on entitled to, but I don't know if I filled in things properly, or how much he's going to give me etc but will probably get by ok, obviously I need to do all this properly, I just can't at the moment.
I really don't think we would've argued at all on holiday if this hadn't been going on, as we got on really well & then I'd sort of remember again & get a bit shirty & it would all blow up again.
He didn't use his mobile on holiday at all as we just put our mobiles in the safe, also his ran out of charge & he didn't re-charge it. SIL said his charger is broken now, so he's going to get a new one. So I haven't heard a dickie bird from him since this morning, he didn't even ring to speak to the kids.
No idea when he is next coming around, as nothing arranged.
I just feel overwhelmed by the whole lot of it

kizzykizzywizzy

ANY CHANCE
You & your hubby have been married the same amount of years & we were the same age when we got together - spooky!
The difference is, we do get on, the slight nag or bicker here & there, but nothing more.
Also having not seen him for so long, what can possibly have happened?

I really don't have anything I want to do, sounds awful doesn't it? No ambition, just to be happy I suppose.

Skint_Lynne

I'm sorry he's being horrible to you, my Dh said some right dodgy stuff to me, it just makes you feel yuk.

If I were you, I would just take it easy for a couple of days and try and not contact him, I know the mobile is broken but don't call him at his sister's house. He will get in touch when he needs to. You could even arrange for him to see the kids at his sister's house for now to give you both some breathing space.

I wish I could magic it away for you because it feels as if your world is caving in around you.

It will get easier, I promise. Make sure you are eating!!

Take care and I'll check in tomorrow.

SL x

beanielou

Hate to be harsh but you need to protect your own & the kds best interests.
You could have a seperation agreement drawn up.

pandapaws

Hi Kizzy,

I've not been about much here at all over the past few months, so hadn't seen any of this until tonight - have read the first few and last few pages.

Poor you, what a total !!!!!!. Sorry that I don't have anything really constructive to say, I can only echo the things that everyone else is saying - the kids are the priority, very closely followed by you. Don't bother yourself one bean what happens to him.

I might be repeating someone else here, but have you thought about having a word with citizens advice? They might be able to give some advice on the legal side of it.

Anyway, keep smiling. There are obviously loads of people here who love you and want everything to work out for the best.
xxx

kizzykizzywizzy

No not going to ring him, I have got so much to do ironing wise, as before the holiday, I found it impossible to get on with anything, where I was so upset. Actually didn't do too badly with the packing, though it took me forever!
The good thing about being busy, is that I won't have time to think about things too much. On holiday, we had a day by the pool, I just couldn't stop crying all day, because I wasn't occupied & with Daddy being a novelty at the moment the kids were all over him & he was all over them & I felt like a spare part & very unwanted.
So tomorrow, I'll finish my Nans dinners off, drop them around hers & get on with the ironing.
Right going to watch a bit of CSI if I can stay awake
Thanks everyone x

Buffythedebtslayer

take care my love (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

xxx

SuziQ

kizzy just be a little bit wary of entitledto. When I first came on here and I was directed to it-I was amazed at what it said I was entitled to! What I actually got was around half. Even when I fill it in now knowing exactly what I am getting it tells me £330 more than I actually get.
All I asked from my ex was to clear the 1 month mortgage arrears I had when we split (I worked for his business and was-and still am owed months of wages) and then to pay his half of the mortgage. I am unable to sell as he forged my sig and took a £25,000 loan on the house for his business! He hasn't done the little bit he promised and yet constantly winds up about the fact I am in the house an he is at his mums (rent free mind you!)

I imagine you must be so hurt by some of the awful things he has said-perhaps he thinks if he makes you hate him it will be easier to leave? I hope you take the initiative and get some legal advice this week as believe me,things get harder as time goes on.