Marriage over don't know where to start

Keeping_Motivated

I agree with SkintLynne re the socialising... It might be the last thing on your list at the moment but it doesn't mean you have to go nightclubbing it can be socialising in terms of a course, for example learning to be a classroom assistant so that you can work more hours but still around the boys and then you are meeting new people, concentrating on something new to keep you focussed and having time away from the kids and home. Obviously that is just a suggestion but you can socialise without it being too party IYSWIM? Plus it will show OH there is more to life than him.

Take care
KM x

Hell1

Hi Kizzy:j

I was on holiday when everything started happening... Just wanted to say that you have always been such a positive force on this board, you will get through this and come out smiling.

I havent been posting for a while, (scared off by trolls:o ) but have still been reading.

No advice really, just that you have my support. Take it slowly, and believe me, it will get better.
Hellxx

get_me_debt_free

Hi Kizzy,
I just wanted to tell you that I have been on my own for over 2 years, and even tho i have debt to pay which was the result of him taking everything and i had to replace the lot when i moved back in to the house after buying him out, I am better off as my mental state is better and me and the kids are doing ok, I get WFTC to top up my wage I am only on £452 a month, they give me over £700 and we manage ok money is tight but we make the most of what we have got, I just want to pay my debt off, im getting there slowly! Just make sure you get a good solicitor as I got to know how darn evil my ex was after we was divoriced, I could write a book about it, he even took the kids toys, when it came down to it it cost more to take him back to court then to just replace them hence the debt,
None of this is your fault, you havent done anything wrong as far as I can see. keep your chin up gal, your a strong woman and it sounds like you been doing it alone for a long time, xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Kizzy it is really good you had a lovely holiday,

I hope he has gone now, and you are doing ok. I will write more later, putting up new furniture(well space clearing first...)

take care hon xxxxx

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi guys, yes he went quite early, he was on about going to a carboot sale & where do you want to go shopping? ( as no food in ) I said no I don't want to go to a carboot & what does it matter to you where I go shopping, so he said I was going to give you a hand - I said no thanks.
He'd sorted out his washing & put it in a bag & I gave him his nieces present to take around, he said you can bring that if you're getting the hamsters later, so I said, no I can't, yes childish I know. So I went to SIL's quite early, & was there quite a while, he never got there whilst I was there, SIL said he'd been walking around all day!
I've just made a load of dinners to take around my Nan's - though I really can't be bothered to do anything.
I just find him weird, he wants us to do things as a family, days out etc, he's put stuff away in the wardrobe, that may be because there isn't much room at SIL's & he can't stay there forever.
My sister says my Nan asked what's going on with me & DH as he was all over kids at BBQ & didn't even speak to me, she's not daft, don't feel like going around there, but will need to deliver her dinners, anyway that's it for now.
Thanks for all your advice & kind comments

SuziQ

This is just how my ex is,and we've been split up since April! He told his accountant we were going on holiday together then looked shocked when I told him absolutely not-yet every so often he goes wild about paying a mortgage on a house he has no benefit of (the house was MINE before I ever met him,I have lived here 21 years,and the mortgage is in fact 2 months in arrears!)I gave im the choice between his business and his family many times over the last 2 years and he chose the business-which folded in April anyway-and yet still goes on as if we are a hairs breadth from getting back together. I just don't think most men ae very good on their own-even though they claim to crave being on their own. Perhaps it's our fault for doing everything for them (I had no choice-he is useless and if I didn't do it it didn't get done,whatever it was)perhaps they just get less and less capable as the marriage goes on!

kpwll

Welcome back kizzy,
Glad to hear you had a good holiday and that the kiddies enjoyed it. Sorry to hear about your Dad and hope things get better in that department soon.
When my daughter and her partner were having a lot of problems we went to see a solicitor re the house, she was told that she would be able to get a court order to stay in the house until the kiddies had reached 18 and she would be responsible for the mortgage BUT then she would have to sell the house and give him half the value of the house at that time. So, sneaky I know, if it comes to going down that route see if you can get him to agree, in writing, to half the value of the house at today's price, before things get too nasty between you.
wishing you and yours well.
Karen xx

kizzykizzywizzy

I notice you said "she" would be responsible for the mortgage kpwll - was that a typo??
He has said he'll pay for evrything & get a second job, unless we row & then he says he's going to a solicitors & get what he's entitled to!!
Also he said on holiday, he couldn't stand to be in the same room as me & he hasn't loved me for years & I bet you thought we'd come on this holiday & I'd magically fall in love with you again - tough!
So he has been quite nasty at times, which to be honest, I really don't think I deserve.
The thing is, all of this is so out of character, I can't believe he's the same caring, loving, devoted husband & father, it's just so strange.
He doesn't discuss anything with me, he said we'll talk when we get back, but so far we haven't & he left today saying stick it up your a£se! because I said he could take his nieces present around.
I haven't seen or spoken to him since

ANY_CHANCE

Hi Kizzy,

Sounds like you had a good holiday whilst you were away

My OH moved out last weekend, we have 3 children aged 14, 8 & 5

I miss him but when i think about how things were between us as a couple i do not want to go back to that. I am lonely now but i was lonely when he was here too. So things are not right. I met him when i was 17 we have been married for 13 years.

I have no parents, i have a brother i see 1 or 2 times a year, an aunt and uncle i see at christmas and 1 friend from school. I have isolated myself from family/friends and i realise i must build up relationships as soon as i feel a little stronger.

Have you used the child tax calculator to see how much you may be entitled to when/if you are on your own.

Also i am trying to focus on goals i want to achieve, do you have anything you always wanted to do that you have put aside??

Somebody has advised me that as one door closes another opens - i quite like that idea
take care
AC x

sallyx

Kizzy
Im so sorry that things haven't worked out. I still think he is probably depressed and can't think straight..depression does that to you. I would say you NEED to get on with your life, plan for you and the kids and let it take its course. If he loves you and the Kids still he will eventually sort himself out and realise what he has done.
Big hugs to you hun