Marriage over don't know where to start

trancebabe

scottishfreebiehunter wrote: »

And if Robster sounds deranged god help what I or others day.
Maybe time for me to put this to rest on here as some are not understanding of feelings etc

hugs hun!!!

those who have been through it understand... those who haven't can only try to understand and empathise and regardless of any understanding, only you can live your life right now!

any one of us would move the earth, wave a magic wand to make it all better, or kick your OH into touch if we could... but we can't do that for you and therefore all we can offer is to be here when you need us, to listen and to offer up opinion / support for all you ladies.

It's up to you if you chose to take the advice or not be please don't feel that you can't be here because we don't understand your feelings... it's just that they're yours and we can't change that!

More hugs hun!!!

In less than 2 weeks you'll be in OZ and I have to say - I'm a little bit envious !!! (I'd love to go one day too!!) :j

Shineyhappy

Hi SFH,

I think it almost sounds like your ex just wants a clean break and that doesnt involve your son. I think this is really sad but you can not force him to be a dad emotionally or physically only financially. He wouldnt be the first guy I have heard of to walk out and the only contact is through bank transfers and sometimes not even that.

We all know its hard emotionally and that you have good days and bad. I have had my heart broken before and looking back I see what all my friends were saying at the time was true- he was a waste of space, I was better off without it and in no way was he worth crying over for one second but at the time you don't see that and he is worth it. I think thats what some people have been getting it.

kizzykizzywizzy

Chip_Hazard wrote: »

Forgive me for the ignorance, Kizzy, but why do you have to wait till the 1st October again? Can't you book an appointment now for the 1st or, better still, see a solicitor now and get the ball rolling?

New mortgage kicks in 1st October, don't want anything to go wrong with it, or I will be at least £100 worse off a month.
IS not through yet & i know I'll get legal aid, which is good, he will too as he doesn't earn lots.
Earliest Solicitor could fit me in was next week, his Mum's birthday in fact, but I really wasn't happy with the first one, so want to go to the one my Sister is using, even though it's further to go.

kizzykizzywizzy

What SFH is saying is absolutely true, if it was so easy to move on we would - & save all this pain.

Myself & SFH have long chats most nights, & obviously her ex does a lot more than she posts here, or she'd be up all night typing - his behaviour is unbelievable.
Just to add, whilst on the phone, i have witnessed her DS crying, on several occasions & she has had to go & see to him, he is having a terrible time:o

BUT - SFH you will be so much better off without the loser & if he chooses not to be in your son's life although hard at first at least he won't have all the emotional stress that your ex is giving him

Shineyhappy

Kizzy,

I can't guess how hard that will be actually going to a solicitor and making it all more real and formal. Just remember you have done nothing wrong and feel free to hate him for putting you in that position without trying even a little bit to fix things.

BTW maybe you should all think about starting a new thread before the MSE police tell you off for getting more than 1000 posts? Maybe something a bit more upbeatly titled?

friendlyface_2

Its not a nice feeling (lonely and isolating), ive been there. I was married for 7 years and have no children so the divorce was amicable. Everything was split down the middle, we had the same solicitors and are still friends! (I know its not the norm).
One word of advice, dont rush to solicitors (husband pulling on the cash cows head you pulling on the tail and the solicitors milking it in the middle...). Do try the councilling route, wish I had, to at least give it a go.
And the MOST important thing to remember is the children feelings, that is my only saving grace, I didnt have to worry about them.
Good luck and whatever happens the future will become better, but it does take time.
Friendlyface.

trancebabe

Shineyhappy wrote: »

BTW maybe you should all think about starting a new thread before the MSE police tell you off for getting more than 1000 posts? Maybe something a bit more upbeatly titled?

I was thinking the same thing earlier - this thread is HUGE :eek: and it wont be long before it gets closed because it's slowing up the board

dinkytwostep

Hi SFH
You are coping - i know how awful the feelings are - it's as if part of you has been torn away.
Like L-M I'm worried about your son. You have us and are in contact with Kizzy and Gerti by phone when the feelings are too strong. Who does your DS have to talk to? He needs to vent his feelings and anger. He sees you in tears (understandably) and I think he's scared to tell you how he's feeling as he's worried about saying anything that may hurt you.
Is there anyone other than you that your son would trust enough to open up? eg Maybe a teacher at his school he could speak to? There was a teacher trained in councelling at my DD's school - and all the pupils were allowed to contact her on the understanding that what was discussed was kept confidential unless the child wished their parent/s be informed.

Is there any chance you could get to a library today and see if there are any books on divorce/seperation which he could read? Is there a family crisis centre nearby - they may be able to help you to help him.

DTS

L-M

What SFH is saying is absolutely true, if it was so easy to move on we would - & save all this pain.

Myself & SFH have long chats most nights, & obviously her ex does a lot more than she posts here, or she'd be up all night typing - his behaviour is unbelievable

Oh I totally agree, and I have nothing but the utmost sympathy and admiration for the way all of you on this thread are dealing with things. It is beyond terrible what you are all being put through ,through no fault of your own:kisses3:

And I also relaise that SFH is the one supporting her son whilst his 'father' is being a selfish ****!!! it just breaks my heart to think of him being so distraught and I think that he possibly needs some outside help, but I really don't mean that as a criticism at all

dinkytwostep

Hi SFH:j
You are coping - i know how awful the feelings are - it's as if part of you has been torn away.
Like L-M I'm worried about your son. You have us and are in contact with Kizzy and Gerti by phone when the feelings are too strong. Who does your DS have to talk to? He needs to vent his feelings and anger. He sees you in tears (understandably) and I think he's scared to tell you how he's feeling as he's worried about saying anything that may hurt you - or in case you too might go away.
Is there anyone other than you that your son would trust enough to open up? eg Maybe a teacher at his school he could speak to? There was a teacher trained in councelling at my DD's school - and all the pupils were allowed to contact her on the understanding that what was discussed was kept confidential unless the child wished their parent/s be informed.

Is there any chance you could get to a library today and see if there are any books on divorce/seperation which he could read? Is there a family crisis centre nearby - they may be able to help you to help him.

DTS