Marriage over don't know where to start

Keeping_Motivated

julie2710 wrote: »

Then walked out without even a word to me!! How could someone be so totally emotionless towards the mother of their kids when he knows I'm about to give birth in just over a week!! I felt so totally worthless. I didn't want to cry in front of DS, but once he was asleep I couldn't help it!! He's made me feel like absolute crap!!!

Can I just say that ONLY a worthless person would treat any person like that let alone the mother of his children! So he is the worthless one and DO NOT allow him to project that on to you. We can't choose how a person treats us but we can choose how we react or feel about it, so next time he shows his worthlessness don't absorb it, bounce it right back.

As for the birth its time to think of you and the baby and do what YOU want. If you decide he can't be there then explain it calmly and explain your reasons why and if I were you I would make sure I said it to him while someone else was there so he can't twist it and make you look like the bad guy because you are not.

Take care x

julie2710

Thanks everyone for all your positive responses. I know I've been strong and yes, maybe he doesn't like that so he's trying to find a way to pull me down. It's almost like he's trying to make all this crap seem like my fault?
I don't know why the hell I keep trying to be reasonable - it's just in my nature not to be selfish I guess.
I got home from the hospital today and the cat had thrown upon my bed as well!! Sometimes it just feels like the whole bloody world is against you. DS is being great-still doesn't ask for his dad at all - and is sleeping like a log!
The slapper has put on her facebook entry that she's "stressed over life" she wants to try being in my shoes - she might realise what real stress is like!! Biatch!!!!!:mad: :mad: :mad: Selfish pair of gits probably deserve each other!!!

trancebabe

Stress?!?!... how do you keep yourself from adding a comment to that?!

something like:

You reap what you sow!
Welcome to my world!
What goes around...
you should stay away from married men if you want a stress free life you filthy skank!

something along those lines would be appropriate I think!!

Rikki

Dewberry wrote: »

Jules - Sending you lots of cyber hugs as this must be a very hard time for you:grouphug:

On to the advice...Jules don't let him be there when you have your baby. having a baby is a magical and highly emotional time and you should be able to feel happy and contented when your new little man enters the world - not to mention it should be a memory to treasure. If he has been so cold towards you bearing in mind you are carrying his child and were in hospital then i'm sorry but he has no right to play the caring father role when your baby is delivered.

Please put yourself first and ask him to stay away

This I agree with.

The birth of a baby, bringing a new life into the world in a time of great joy and emotion. Don't let him spoil it.

In years to come this should be remembered as the best event in this turbulent time in your life. Remember it with fondness and the fantastic experience it was meant to be. Importantly the unborn child did not ask for this situation. Its about them, you and the other children who will play a special part in the new born child's life. Not some part time father that cannot be bothered half the time.

Think of yourself and the future memories you are creating.

julie2710

trancebabe wrote: »

Stress?!?!... how do you keep yourself from adding a comment to that?!

something like:

You reap what you sow!
Welcome to my world!
What goes around...
you should stay away from married men if you want a stress free life you filthy skank!

something along those lines would be appropriate I think!!

It's so hard to resisit!!! I want to put - try being 38 weeks pregnant, with a sick son and a husband who's sh**g**g some slapper behind your back - feel like your stressed now you'd better be stressed for the rest of your life cos you'll never know when I'll be there over you're shoulder!!! :mad: :mad: Feel better just putting it here!!!
I know I need to keep him away from me at the birth - I was going to let him come to the hospital but not into theatre, but now I don't even feel like I want him there! His sister said "I have a father son relationship to consider though!!!" This was why I was trying to be reasonable - didn't want him to throw back not bonding onto me - but I think I'll just have to take the chance!!! Can't risk feeling that crap again on the day my new son is born!!

Rikki

julie2710 wrote: »

It's so hard to resisit!!! I want to put - try being 38 weeks pregnant, with a sick son and a husband who's sh**g**g some slapper behind your back - feel like your stressed now you'd better be stressed for the rest of your life cos you'll never know when I'll be there over you're shoulder!!! :mad: :mad: Feel better just putting it here!!!
I know I need to keep him away from me at the birth - I was going to let him come to the hospital but not into theatre, but now I don't even feel like I want him there! His sister said "I have a father son relationship to consider though!!!" This was why I was trying to be reasonable - didn't want him to throw back not bonding onto me - but I think I'll just have to take the chance!!! Can't risk feeling that crap again on the day my new son is born!!

Bonding isn't about being there the second the baby is born.
Its being there over the next few days, weeks. Showing unconditional love and commitment to the new little person. I don't think he is going to be able to do that.

You will feel great when he's born and you don't need any negativity around to spoil it.

scottishfreebiehunter

Jules got youre pm shall reply after footiexx#

you are a very strong person and it is going to hard though you do what is best for yourself,regarding him coming to hospital only you can decide and maybe if he is out of theatre with youre parents then it would be better ,though up to you.
Take care of yourself as not long to go xx

julie2710

Thanks SFH, Rikki and everyone else for the advice!!! I'm going to go to bed now and see if I can get a decent night's sleep - going to lock the cat out for the night so at least then no puke or mice to disrupt me!! Have got a sore throat and feeling a bit feverish so have taken a couple of paracetsmols too!! _pale_
Catch up with you all again in the morning - hopefully DS won't be up too early!!
Thanks again!!!
Jules:wave:

Dewberry

julie2710 wrote: »

It's so hard to resisit!!! I want to put - try being 38 weeks pregnant, with a sick son and a husband who's sh**g**g some slapper behind your back - feel like your stressed now you'd better be stressed for the rest of your life cos you'll never know when I'll be there over you're shoulder!!! :mad: :mad: Feel better just putting it here!!!
I know I need to keep him away from me at the birth - I was going to let him come to the hospital but not into theatre, but now I don't even feel like I want him there! His sister said "I have a father son relationship to consider though!!!" This was why I was trying to be reasonable - didn't want him to throw back not bonding onto me - but I think I'll just have to take the chance!!! Can't risk feeling that crap again on the day my new son is born!!

To be fair him bonding with his child is not your responsibility despite what his sister or anyone else says. I would not look at her facebook page anymore as everytime you do it will make you feel worse and keep all the feelings very raw. She will have the guilt to live with for the rest of her life while you will be getting on with your life with your 2 gorgeous boys!
Don't let her intrude on any more of your life!:mad:

Take care, get as much rest as you can and do what is best for you - noone else!;)

butmum

Hi everyone

I haven't read every post there are far too many!!!

Hope what i have to say helps

My ex left me the week before Christmas (2 weeks before my birthday). I'd jsut been made redundant, so I'd lost my home, my job and my husband in the same day. Needless to say things were !!!!. No kids though thankfully

but.......

15 years later....

I'm married to a lovely man and we have 2 kids together aged 12 and 9, (his first wife ran off with the bank manager, thanks lyn!)

I went through some awful times and blamed myself a lot but time heals and you never know whats round the corner in life. The main advice I would give is look after you. The best revenge is success - learn to be happy again (it will take time but you can do it) and never look back.


take care

butmum xxxxxxxxx