Marriage over don't know where to start

scottishfreebiehunter

dellybelly wrote: »

SFH - why is he coming over every day?

He was here Monday and Today and that will be him until next Monday as works weekends
And Prior to that hadnt been here for 12 days:eek:
He has always been a really hands on dad and this is where myself and ds are suffering,he has changed but he still loves our son and do not ever want him not to see him,he keeps saying will do as he pleases but I am afraid he will not
Kizzy I have been sick and it is not going to be easy and trying to figure out a solution and my head cannot.

scottishfreebiehunter

I was on the phone to kizzy earlier about tea time and didnt like him much though when he leaves and see how he is with our son it hurts me

I need to stop being so softx

Rikki

julie2710 wrote: »

Well time to put my feet up and catch up with everyone. I did something not so good tonite! Ex picked son up from nursery and brought him home - he was going to stay until his bed time. He came in and made 2 phone calls on my phone which I will be paying the bill for, then plugged his mobile phone in to charge on my damn electric!:mad: :mad: I tried to ignore this for now as didn't want to start an argument in front of son. He was watching Dora with DS and DH kept moaning about how hungry he was - there was no way I was offering him tea. Then half way through sons tea he decided that he should get his pjs on.. This just ended up with DS getting really upset again as wanted to see the end of Dora first. DS was screaming and crying and asking for me again, then he tried to kick his dad while his dad pinned him down - don't condone the kicking but his dad smacked him which really p**sed me off:mad: Still trying hard not to interfere but then DH picked up DS and took him to his room... At this point I lost it and shouted that there was no way DS was going to bed that early in that state. DH stormed out of the house saying "don't shout at me in front of DS ever again!":mad: :mad: I'm so bloody angry with him!! DS had got a star at nursery for being so good and was named the star of the class for being so good - considering what the poor little sod's going through he's doing great. !!!!!! is wrong with his father? Everytiime he spends more than 10 minutes with him he has him in tears!!! Would it be wrong for me to tell him to FO and not see his son until he has a better attitude? I'm sick of him upsetting him all the time. No wonder he never asks where daddy is, he's probably as glad to see the back of him as I am. We read 5 books together and he went off to bed happy again!
Sorry to go on but I can't believe how angry I feel now!!:wall:

Gert - those glasses are great - I can't believe they were such a bargain.:whistle:
Kizzy - glad your sis is ok :j

My ex didn't do any weekday visits just had the boys to stay every other weekend ( Saturday nights). I didn't want any interruptions in the weekday routine as the eldest was at school.

I never let my ex in the house from the day he left, but if I was in your position and he was coming in it would be as an invited guest. He wouldn't just be able to pick up the phone and use it or charge his mobile as he is living else where.

Your home your rules!

He should not be able to treat his son with disrespect either. He is a child and they have to be encouraged to do things not shouted at and dictated too. I think you were right to shout at him and if he can't behave in a civil manner in your home he would not be welcome back in.
I wouldn't give a dam if he was upset about being shouted at in front of his son. I wouldn't want him shouting at his son full stop. Tell him to take his frustration out on someone his own size not a defenseless child. (sorry for getting on my high horse, I just don't like to see children shouted at for something they don't understand)

What is it with men?


Edit: just to add: Make notes in case you ever need to recall incidents. Behaviour and what was said.

scottishfreebiehunter

I wish I could do what Rikki did,but there is nowwhere really to take ds other than s l ut s and he aint going there ,and due to ds health etc docs said best to be kept in own enviroment
Oh wish it wasnt so hardx
And the shouting I am going to speak to him about it next week when ds not here as not on

Ann_Brebner

Kizzy,

Sorry to hear about your predicament. The important things to consider, is the marriage definitely over? Would counselling etc work? Would you feel better for a complete make-over? No that you need it but losing someone does alot for your confidence? Secondly consider all your options as your hubby may have a different agenda, I don' know him obviously but my advice would be to look at the split as a business arrangement, check that everything is fair. Look to the future try and think what you will be doing in 5 yrs time?

Will ponder your predicament over the nbext few days.

:rolleyes:

kizzykizzywizzy

Hey SFH, come on, you should be glad he's gone & you can relax.
DS is still awake crying he wants a tattoo!! He had one in Italy & the minute I put it on he cried to have it taken off:rotfl: Now he wants that exact tattoo back!:p I can't even put a different one on him as he has swimming at school & they aren't allowed them. I gave him a cuddle & scratched his back, he likes that, but he does seem to be crying about anything & everything at the moment, this morning on the way to school he started crying because he wanted a pushchair! On the way home he cried because his sticker had fallen off, not badly like yesterday, but he didn't use to do it, so it's quite noticeable. Also the getting into my bed in the night, he never did that before.
DD has been snoring away for ages. Now, she doesn't seem as upset as DS, but I'm wondering, is she OK? she says she misses daddy a lot, but she's more a mummy's girl anyway. Just don't want to ignore her if she's feeling bad, just because she's not showing it so much.
He's crying again - gotta go

scottishfreebiehunter

did life get boring was I boringstuck in a rut

Keeping_Motivated

scottishfreebiehunter wrote: »

did life get boring was I boringstuck in a rut

Probably, maybe...but so do most long term relationships BUT that doesn't mean if he was bored/stuck in a rut that he should go have an affair it means that he should either sort it out by whatever means it takes or failing that he should leave on his own without the cowardly/selfish need to be attached to another woman and cause all this betrayal and heartache! So don't question yourself in that way, he was wrong pure and simple!

Rikki

scottishfreebiehunter wrote: »

I wish I could do what Rikki did,but there is nowwhere really to take ds other than s l ut s and he aint going there ,and due to ds health etc docs said best to be kept in own enviroment
Oh wish it wasnt so hardx
And the shouting I am going to speak to him about it next week when ds not here as not on

I can assure you it wasn't easy but it was all about self preservation and protecting the children. Keeping the normal household routine.

julie2710

Thanks Rikki!!I really agree with you - I try really hard not to shout at my little boy ever - If he's naughty or won't do as I ask I try and talk to him - if you shout at a little kid he'll jsut shout back - likewise if you hit them you're just teaching them to hit!! Men are crap - with kids - well my DH is and it makes me really angry:mad:
My son is going to have so much change - he's adjusting really well so far - he changed class at nursery 2 weeks ago, then his dad left home and he'll have a new brother to cope with in the next week or so!! The last thing he needs is his idiot father taking his bad moods out on him!
I won't let him stay at his dad's at the moment as I thinkhe needs the security of his own home and bed right now with do much going on. Also I don't think I could trust his dad to treat him properly at the moment either.
DH is supposed to be staying over while I'm in hospital having my c-section, now I'm worrying about how he will be be with DS while I'm in and wondering if this is the right thing to do. I could always get my mum to look after DS while I'm in, but then I think I'm being unfair to his dad? I just don't want him having 2 nights of hell whilst I'm away and then having to cope with sharing me when I get out. THIS IS CRAP!!!