Marriage over don't know where to start

gerturdeanna

Looks like a good book Delly - love this line or two you wrote :All I can say is, as soon as I realised that my ex didn't think I was worth the effort of working on the marriage, I immediately began to look at him in a different way. The person who's putting me through all this pain is not my husband and I don't love him.
Cos that is exactly how I am right now. And yes it hurts, but not as much as when I was thinking everything was going to be rosy and perfect between us - ain't gona happen!!

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi there, well DFS rang, said hello it's me, how are you (all sunny sounding) I apologised & he was really nice about it, said I understand, it must be really hard to cope with. I said I just can't stand seeing the children so unhappy. No comment on that. I got the kids, he spoke to them DD said I miss you, he said I miss you too, but I'm seeing you Friday!
He's ringing tomorrow too as he won't be ringing friday as he's seeing them. They seem really OK tonight, though DS had a bit of a cry on the way home, he's definately more clingy, he never used to be at all. I'm still gobsmaked that DFS is so in love with the moose that he'd do this to me & the kids & be so strong about it, he must really love her ( or thinks he does )
Love the Gone with the Wind/Kizzy DFS thing, that works for me, that is a really good explanation of it.
LIke your glasses Gert, very nice!

tesuhoha

kizzy

I'm just wondering what is so irresistable about this guy that makes you unable to accept that its over. Is he devastatingly handsome? Maybe if you list the reasons why you love him you can analyse it a bit better.

All I can say is that the best thing for you and your children is to become a strong independant unit without him. Inevitably, if he has this attitude now he will gradually lose contact with the children until they hardly see him. They will resent him as they get older and know that you are the constant parent that they can rely on. You really have to accept that its over. There's nothing more unattractive to a man than a woman who chases him. He knows very well your feelings and he finds them as exciting as watching paint dry. There is no edge in your relationship. He knows that you are there waiting for him like an old doormat if anything goes wrong with him and the other woman. To me it sounds like he is bored with you. I don't want to be horrible but you have to make a man's life hell to get his interest if he has a roving eye. You have to be a difficult person to please. Its a bit late for all that now and all I can say is you have to let him go. You have to accept it.

Rikki

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Hi there, well DFS rang, said hello it's me, how are you (all sunny sounding) I apologised & he was really nice about it, said I understand, it must be really hard to cope with. I said I just can't stand seeing the children so unhappy. No comment on that. I got the kids, he spoke to them DD said I miss you, he said I miss you too, but I'm seeing you Friday!
He's ringing tomorrow too as he won't be ringing friday as he's seeing them. They seem really OK tonight, though DS had a bit of a cry on the way home, he's definately more clingy, he never used to be at all. I'm still gobsmaked that DFS is so in love with the moose that he'd do this to me & the kids & be so strong about it, he must really love her ( or thinks he does )
Love the Gone with the Wind/Kizzy DFS thing, that works for me, that is a really good explanation of it.
LIke your glasses Gert, very nice!

Your doing it again!

Don't apologise for being angry and sharp with him. This is how he made you feel at the time and you spoke to him accordingly.

Personally I wouldn't want my ex talking to the children all the time. This reminds them he's not about. Just let them get on with the normal things you three do as a family and they will settle down. They need that structure. The children will get used to seeing him on set days.

To be honest you are making things so easy for him, that's why he can be so strong. You need to harden your heart no matter how you feel about him.

You will have a better chance of getting him back if you show your independence, become aloof and unobtainable. Men always want what they can't have. Your problems will really start when she is back and playing a more active role in his life.

Think of yourself and the children!

Rikki

gerturdeanna wrote: »

Oh I am kicking !!! big style!! hehe!! All money due to me is now being paid into MY bank account, no more running to the post office to cash my giro!!
These are my specs: http://www.specsavers.co.uk/glasses/designer-glasses/red-or-dead-2
Going to look gorgeous in them! heeh!!
Going to docs tomorrow, then will nip to town to see if I can get some new jeans or trousers, maybe some boots and a winter coat for me. Kids don't need any clothes at mo, so am treating myself instead.
Am out tonight to see a medium so won't be posting probably again till after.
Signed up on some dating sites before for a laugh - had sooo many peps messaging me!! hehe!!

I know a few you could kick on my behalf.

Without a sense of humour life on your own becomes boring and lonely.

tesuhoha

Thats strange Rikki, we said the same things in different words.

Rikki

dellybelly wrote: »

kizzy - I don't really understand where you are right now feeling how you do. All I can say is, as soon as I realised that my ex didn't think I was worth the effort of working on the marriage, I immediately began to look at him in a different way. The person who's putting me through all this pain is not my husband and I don't love him. Could you maybe make some effort to really look at your ex and see him for what/who he is at the minute and not the person you married or planned a future around?
.

This is what you have you do.

I would never let anybody treat me like dirt let alone the person I loved and trusted.

Rikki

tesuhoha wrote: »

Thats strange Rikki, we said the same things in different words.

I have to choose my words carefully otherwise they send me to the naughty corner without any supper.

They did last time.

tesuhoha

Rikki wrote: »

I have to choose my words carefully otherwise they send me to the naughty corner without any supper.

They did last time.

The naughty corner would be worth it if kizzy could get the message for once and for all.

kizzykizzywizzy

I just thought I ought to apologise after berating him for his poor behaviour before.
I haven't said any more about getting back (nor will I ), I didn't speak to him, except to say sorry or ask him how he was, nothing.
No he's not stunningly handsome, he's grey, & he looks like zammo from grange hill though not as short or fat:rotfl: :rotfl:

No i won't be second besyt to a fat moose that looks like jimmy krankie either!!:rotfl: