Marriage over don't know where to start

Keeping_Motivated

Could you ask him to give some thought to what he thinks will help over the next few days and then you can both discuss it on Friday when you see him? I just really think he needs to start taking some responsibility istead of taking the easy route of following your lead which must be a pressure for you as how are you supposed to be the 'expert' in this? You are at your 'weakest' obviously at the moment yet having to be the 'strong' one...Go figure!

Keeping_Motivated

Actually perhaps you should give HIM the book on children and divorce and let him do some searching for answers to make this easier on the kids! He hasn't done much else so the very least he can do is take some initiave to help you and the kids without needing a hand up his back...AAAaaarr no wonder you swing from anger to pain etc etc coz I don't even know him and he is making me mad! ;-0

kizzykizzywizzy

Good idea KM, he just seems to go with the flow!
The trouble is I don't know how I'm ever going to move on, when I still feel the way I do & yes Gert I am still in love with him & probably will be for the rest of my life, he's everything to me.
What the hell am I going to do? when he doesn't want me

Keeping_Motivated

You're going to keep doing what you are doing, take one day at a time, one hour at a time if need be and one day it will get easier.

Its so horrible its just like bereavement as there is absolutely nothing you can do except feel those feelings, there is no answer, no problem solving, nothing that can make it right except 'time'. Why don't you have a look/search on the internet about 'loss' or bereavement and you will see you are 'acting'/feeling completely normal given your situation.

You will keep feeling feelings of anger, desperation, denial, acceptance, bargaining (please god I'll do anything) over and over again and some days all at once! The hope is that as these emotions keep swinging on in they hurt a little less each time.
I'm sure that doesn't make you feel ANY better but I hope it 'normalises' your emotions/reactions/behaviour a little. You are human with a big heart thats why you are hurting so much.

x

Shineyhappy

Kizzy,

Feelings do fade in time and sooner or later some guy will hopefully come along and put a smile on your face. It might happen so slowly that you don't realise it until one day it hits you in the face that the ex is just history and your heart belongs to someone else. You have a great future with your wonderful kids and when they are a bit more settled things will get much easier.

Delly,

He sounds like my ex. He was nearly 30 going on 13, balding, worked in IT and quite dull. The worst thing was he tried to pressure me into having kids and marrying him after he was an addict to the game! He lived for being online and like you before broadband we went out loads, had fun, could watch a film together and went for weekends away. Then broadband came and he started WOW and then it was no trips out to the pub or cinema, no more weekends away and he would only visit friends who played the game which ruled out most of them. Even when his parents came for the day he would be too ill or tired to see them and would lock himself in the bedroom playing. You can immagine what his parents made of that!

It was like two different people. Still you are well out of it as I think they just become more and more addicted and get more obsessive.

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks SH - I really hope someone comes along sooner rather than later, because I feel so unloved - I know the children love me & my family & friends love me, it's a different kind of love & I need it badly:o
I just had to get this all out into the open - I still love him, I'd still have him back & yes I'd forgive him & in time I'd forget.
I'm trying my hardest to get over him, but I'm finding it so hard, I'm not looking forward to going out Saturday, i'm more a go out for a meal kinda girl, though I did have fun friday, it's not what I want to do all the time, i just think it makes me look like a saddo. Will ask friend about going to Salsa class in a couple of weeks, perhaps that will be more my scene?
Just don't want to be doing all this kid of crap at my time of life ( ok I'm not old, but I'm a family person! )

gerturdeanna

Why not chat to people online, if you wanna met new people?
There is a thread in the Money Saving Arms about online dating and stuff.
Go out on Saturday, ask your friends if they would mind going for a meal rather than boozing it up!!

Shineyhappy

I know what you mean, I am 28 next week and have no kids and I am not a bar or club person either! I like going out for a quiet drink in a pub with seats, a fire place and no loud music. Not everyone is into the current trendier scences.

There is no wrong way to feel, there are only wrong ways to act. Try to not feel bad because you love him. There is nothing wrong with loving someone even if you dont want to love them with your head.

basketcase

Hi Girls - including the 'newbies'. Sorry to hear what you're all going through. Not posted for a while - I've been away.

Kizzy - Sorry to hear about how DD & DS are taking it. Don't know if this would help, but is it possible to say you want to have a "grown up" talk with them? Perhaps you could explain that Daddy still loves them but he's decided he has to live somewhere else. It isn't their fault and he still wants to see them and be their daddy, but he can't be there all the time any more. Maybe you could then say that you know it makes them very sad - it makes you sad too, because you'd like him to come back too but he can't. (No need to go into why!) Because you're sad, you're going to need them to be a big boy and girl and help you by trying to be good and by telling you if they're sad so you can all have a cuddle. Maybe even ask if you can tell them when you're sad and ask for a cuddle too.

Feel free to ignore it if it sounds like rubbish!

elj2287

Hi all

Delly - My heart goes out to you, really sorry to hear about what has happened. But you really are in the right place!!

Kizzy - Have you seen the book 'What Men Say, What Women Hear?' Its by Linda Papalapadus sp I have heard it's rather good and heard her on the radio decoding man speak! Just an idea.

SFH - Hope your ds is feeling better, be strong and stand your ground.

Gert - so so glad you have a new inner strength. By the looks of things you keep building and building on it which is great and never forget this feeling!!

Jules - You are amazing!!

I can see you are doing an amazing job with your kids after what has happened :T but please don't forget yourself!! Someone once told me (this could sound a bit corny so apologies ) keep a picture of yourself as a child on you/in your purse or whatever and remember that this little girl/boy needs protecting too. You need to look after them just as much as you do your children. I apologised for the corny-ness!! It sort of made me realise that in any situation you matter (not in a selfish way) but you need a fair say too. Whatever life throws at you.

Hope I haven't rambled too much... been ages since I posted and took even longer to catch up.;)

Take Care and speak soon xxx