Marriage over don't know where to start

Keeping_Motivated

Kizzy I think I would talk to him about it, it obviously bothering you (quite rightly) and its not as if you want to talk to him about you and him its about the children so that can be done as many times as need be. Maybe you even need to 'rethink' access/phonecalls? Not for DFS sake but for DS sake as he may need more than he is getting. If you do decide to talk to DFS I would tell him that you are obviously no expert in this and never intended to be so along the lines things may have to be 'tweaked' to help the children out and at the minute the are struggling so what does he suggest? Don't take all the responsibility he has left you with enough and needs to come up with some solutions himself!! He makes me mad how he just relies on you to take all the decisions/responsibilities.

I know you said when the children were seeing him more they were getting confused but that was when you were 'all' together alot and now maybe he could come and take them to the park inbetween times or for a walk just more 'quality time' even if only 1/2 an hour?

Only a suggestion but remember contacting him over the children is not the same as contacting about the 2 of you so don't think twice if you need to ring IMO.

Hi everyone else I hope you all have at the least a 'reasonably' calm day. x

kizzykizzywizzy

hi sf i wasn't so worried that he didn't answer he didn't hear his phone as he's at work & it is noisey there. It was like robster says, he didn't ask why i'd phoned him, perhaps I'm getting petty now, but I don't just ring to talk about the weather!

scottishfreebiehunter

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Hi Gert had a getting back together dream again:o

Yes Robster wasn't too impressed with myself for losing it again, but I don't phone him, so surely even with only half his brain cells working he might of thought it was important I just don't know why he didn't call back, to me that's really un-caring, not to check how his little boy is.

I'm just so surprised how easy it seems to be for him to be apart from the children & how little he seems to care. Perhaps he's hiding it from me, but to me he seems to have just switched off

Thats the thing I cannot get head round,how they can just walk away and not seem to bother,oh yes mine says he does miss him,but he cannot that much or would have asked to come up yesterday when he was off but had his own life :rolleyes::mad:
Have to agree as un-caring as all it would take is a two minute call to check how he is,as mine did same other morning when ds was so upset and ill,said what do you want me to do call him every hour what an idiot.

Well people I have stopped the late night texting good and proper now as no point and think he knows by now how I feel.
Went to bed earlier and fell asleep watching laptop though woke up with ds crying as wheezy again,so told him to jump in beside me,got a few hours though still tossing and turning

Oh and the idiot is coming up today so will try hard not to fight with his as this is what he is wanting,just going to advise him about the fact that he is is dad and will not just be there when he feels like it.

OH AND ITS RAINING AGAIN GREAT
Oh and have to go to find out about IS not sure will get it though worth a try

dellybelly_2

scottishfreebiehunter wrote: »

Delly can you give me a brief outline as what happened with youre oh as cannot remember as head away with fairiesx

SFH - brief as I can make it - Was together for 12 years, married almost 7 (anniversary is on Sunday). He had depression last year and I supported him through it. He'd been spending all his time drinking and gaming and avoiding me for at least last year. He went away to a lan game conference at the start of august with my blessing and came back more like himself than he'd been in a long time. Invitied a "friend" who was having a bad time over here.. again, with my agreement. When I saw the two of them together, I told him I wasn't comfortable with the friendship. When she left she missed her flight and decided to stay at a hotel. MY ex rang me from the hotel to say she was really upset and was going to stay with her. I told him he needed to come home - he didnt and disapeared for most of the next day.

When he eventually came home, we had a huge row where he attacked everything about me because I had upset his "friend" and he finally told me he hadn't been happy for a while. Nothing was resolved and I ran out crying. (He did follow me and tried to comfort me)

Next day stuff still going on but nothing resolved so I took DS and walked out to get some space. He contacted me drunk that night and asked me to come back and talk to sort stuff out. I went back the next day. He still loved me and wanted to make a go of things but changes had to be made whichI agreed to. Later the same dayhe told me that that he and the "friend" had professed their love for one -another (this was after knowing one another 3 weeks) another huge row but he never apologised for how he hurt me. We agreed to go to relate to try to work on the marriage and he was to make the appointment to show his committment to working things out. He was also to tell the friend that it ws over. He blocked her on his facebook and deleted her off his mobile. I later found out he'd opened a new FB user and that she'd called him at least once - again meltdowns and rows

We were up and down for about 3 weeks but having lots of scrabble IYSWIM:o . Went on a few nights out but no changes had been made on his side at all and I wasn't happy. It all came to a head last week when I found out he had all her travel info (she's off travelling the world for a year) and questioned his committment. Put my feellings down in a letter but he refused to talk to me about it - was really annoyed at how I found out that he knew so much about her travel info and wanted his privacy back - told him he was married and after what he did, he wasn't entitled to any privacy, so he said he was moving out.

I tried to talk to him but he refused to talk to me and went off on Nights. I got an e-mail breaking up our marriage about 10pm that night and went into hysterics. He moved out the following day (this day last week).

Not very brief I'm afraid, but as brief as I can make it atm.

dellybelly_2

I'll not be back till later this eveing as DS has just told me "no more 'puters , no more games mammy".

Shineyhappy

Oh Delly poor you, he sounds like a right idiot!

Was it online gaming he was into then? My ex was into WOW and he met his new love on there. It's a big addictive mess when some people get hooked on those games and they want someone who is as into them as they are. The game made him very secretive too and it makes them feel like heroes for playing it and killing the evil monsters. He would get very aggressive if I asked him not to play and would often call in sick to spend all day playing. Luckily the new bint was unemployed so she and him could play 24/7. Last I heard he had started taking months off with a bad back and they were living with her parents. He he he!

I think you will have a much better quality of life without him around. I think you are being very strong!

scottishfreebiehunter

delly yet another t w a t to add to the ever growing pile of them
Having hard time today again with ds screaming etc etc cannot take no more

Shineyhappy

Chin up SFH, try and keep smiling I know it must be hard!

gerturdeanna

Just been and had my eyes tested and I did need new glasses, so I got some designer Red or Dead ones for ...£40!!! Bargain, SSS ha done my the biggest favour - I am so happy right now, my house is clean and tidy, the kids do as they are told (most of the time), I can do what I wnt, when I want!! I gt stuff for free or heavily discounted!! Its great!! Cheers SSS!!

robster1964

Oh Delly, I am so sorry hun, you must be in bits:( SFH is right, some men are arrogant T W A T S...

SFH please try to find something positive to do or think about I know it seems impossible, but I hate to see you so unhappy.

Kizzy, I truly believe that some men have no idea of the impact that circumstances are having on anyone else but themselves, and it needs to be spelt out very slowly, and repeatedly, for them to recognize anyone elses feelings other than their own. I don't mean this as an attack on men, I just think that some lack that natural empathy and selflessness that most women have, but conversely have no idea that they lack it!

To give you an example... I adore animals. My pets mean as much to me as most humans (sad I know). One year, 1 of my cats suddenly disappeared. I nearly had a breakdown, day after day searching for her, week after week, putting adverts rewards out. I couldn't sleep, eat or think straight cos she was constantly on my mind. I lost weight and I lost my generally bright sunny nature, the kids noticed and we all had 6 months of squabbling and me bursting into tears. She was then found and tragically she had been attacked by dogs, but at least I could bury her and start to get over it.

Anyway, at a New Year's Eve Family party. We were all discussing what we were looking forward to etc. I said, I am just glad to get this year over with, it's been the worst year of my life ever etc etc etc. OH was absolutley gob smacked! He said, why? what on earth has been wrong with this year? He has completely forgot about the cat, and hadn't really realised how distraught I had been, or that I was 2 stone lighter!!! Priceless!!

It taught me a valuable lesson tho. Unless it's spealt out to them. Some men just haven't got a clue what we are going through!!!

Robster xxx