Marriage over don't know where to start

Rikki

gerturdeanna wrote: »

I may be doing okay but am still horribly confused even today, one pos I'm saying he can't change and I don't see a future, next post I'm talking about moving house completly to be with him for a fresh start!! How different can you get. I'm glad you are all here as a sounding board. Bella from the compers inn hasjust found out today that her fella has cheated for the second time, she thinks it's all going to kick off. Hope we can send her our love and wishes. And I hope she doesn't mind me telling people on here?!?! I have told her about this thread so she may join us aswell!!

Its difficult being torn between your heart and your head. You'll be fine and when your true mothering instinct takes over you will be able to decide which way to go.

gerturdeanna

I know!! And I suppose I am a mother but I am also me first - my children will be able to adapt to whatever happens as they are kids and they are resiliant like that - its just whether I want to IYKWIM, I know I can do, but do i want to......so many decisions!!

Rikki

gerturdeanna wrote: »

I know!! And I suppose I am a mother but I am also me first - my children will be able to adapt to whatever happens as they are kids and they are resiliant like that - its just whether I want to IYKWIM, I know I can do, but do i want to......so many decisions!!

........and that's what makes it even harder.

gerturdeanna

I know!!!! OMG!!! Anyway, feeding time at the zoo- back later!!

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi sorry I disapeared a friend came around to use the loo!!
I bet she wishes she went to the public ones - as filled her in on everything!
Anyway, I won't ring, I've calmed down anyway now & it's probably SIL assuming things rather than him telling her things as if I'm honest he hasn't talked to anyone really about all this, so probably not his fault.
It's him that keeps saying I won't take any money out, which is stupi, so of course he needs money, but as he doesn't go out or anything, he isn't spending much.
Gert, just doing the dinner here too, you are bound to be confused, you've had a big shock & it will take a while to build the trust back up & he probably isn't in shock like you are, so is quite comfortable to fall asleep on the sofa etc. & go back to the old ways with the kids, (not playing with them/reading to them ) I would say to him, that he needs to do more of that though.

Anyway shopping trip went ok eventually, bought jeans, a dress, a jumper a bra, 2 thongs & really naughty a box set of Marc Jacobs Daisy!! I wanted to buy some in the duty free on hols, but DFS wanted some issey miyake & there was no way I was going to pay for that when " he wasn't in love with me anymore! " so quite happy with my purchases

Pollycat

Quote:
Originally Posted by jay11
He let something slip and she confronted him, he stopped because they were a slip up/he was led on:rolleyes: , he's sorry.


Jay
I think your friend needs to deal with her husband before even thinking about contacting this other woman.
It takes 2 to tango and he's not totally innocent in this.

It sounds like they've had problems and maybe he's been looking for a 'bit of excitement'.
Are they tackling those problems though?
If not, how can things get better?
Next time it may not just be exchanging smutty emails.

I think your initial question was whether your friend should contact this woman.
I think she'd be far better off spending her time getting things back on the level with her OH if that's what she wants to do.
I hope this doesn't sound too blunt.

kimlisa66

gerturdeanna wrote: »

He's not left yet - he's meant to be spending time with DD whilst DS is at school. He did painting with DS, but so far has done nothing with DD. He's snoring on the sofa as we speak!! Why did I think he could/would change? Obv there is no future - I can't be with a man who would treat me like sh1te by cheating on me, surfs !!!!!! whilst his kids are awake in the house and falls asleep when he's meant to be playing with his daughter!! So true about Leopards never changing their spots!!

[FONT=&quot]In my experience, surfing !!!!!! is just the tip of the iceberg...I came home one afternoon to find my Ex OH in the conservatory with his trousers down, J***ing off to some women over a webcam while our young daughter was in the house. This was in broad daylight in, in full view of our neighbours if they had come out into their gardens they can see into our conservatory.:mad:

He still denies he was doing anything improper, and it carried on for some while afterwards until he left last year. I could log into the programme he was using and watch him from work, he had no idea I was watching him at all. I would confront him and ask him what he had been doing on the computer, (he always erased the history) and he said, Oh, playing Poker and playing games....yeah right mate !! :rotfl:

My biggest regret was not throwing him out there and then but you always think they will change, get better, be normal. In my experience, they don't. Men like this find other ways to satisfy their perversion, in my OH's case it was sh**ing his best mate's wife behind my back as well. :mad:

i Hope your experience isn't as bad as mine turned out to be, and you are able to confront him and ask him why he has so little regard to your feelings.
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

K x[/FONT]

gerturdeanna

OMFG!! I'm sat here with my mouth on the floor but laughing at the same time!!
I can't believe he was 'releaving' himself whilst your kids were there!! Don't think he would have done that, I hope not anyway!! Interested in how you could 'watch' what he was doing from work - although its a shared computer and he only uses it whilst he is here as where he is living now, doesn't have one.
TBH I'm not bothered about watching the !!!!!! or even jacking off if he was, its the fact that he did it whilst my DS was here, just one room away. I did ask him about it and made a laugh and a joke about it. He apologised for doing it whist DS was here and thats fine cos thats all I wanted. I don't like some of the stuff he was looking at myself particually but different strokes for different folks, so they say!!
I do object to him lying about it. He said he looked at 2 sites, well sorry but there are over 25 in the history. OH isn't clever enough to clear that, and I've now put autotext back on so I can view from the tool bar also.
I just think that if he can lie, again, about a silly thing like how many !!!!!! sites he looks at, then he can lie about wanting to be with me.

kizzykizzywizzy

gERT THAT'S WHAT THEY DO, THEY LIE ABOUT STUPID THINGS, LIKE WHEN dfs LIED THAT HE WAS GOING TO HIS MUMS WHEN HE WAS ALREADY THERE - WHY
Sorry caps lock on

gerturdeanna

I know, I know..I've just sent him an email letting him know that I'm annoyed about him lying etc. I really can't see a way forward unless he stops, but I think know he has just got into a routine of lying and can't stop. Again my head is telling me no good, but my heart still says otherwise but what do I go with....got until the end of the month to decide I suppose!!