Marriage over don't know where to start

Pollycat

Gert
If he does agree to speak to your Mum and apologise, is she likely to throw that apology back in his face?
If she is, and he knows this, it will make him very wary of speaking to her - even if you make it clear to him that it is a test to prove that he is serious about trying again.
Nobody (even people who are in the wrong as he is) likes having to apologise if they know it's not going to be received very well.
As an aside, my Mum is bloody awful about accepting apologies.
If you do apologise, she'll say 'I should think you are sorry' and then go on a rant about what's been said or done.

Again, I guess only you know what sort of relationship exists between him and your Mum.

Good luck with this.

moodydonkey

Right. Am saying this, not to be virtuous or " ooh look at me"
With bloke for 14 years, married for ten. 2 girls
Gave up car, had to give up job. Eventually lost house and was homeless, no council help cos god don't you love em lol.
So we have come to the conclusion that if I, a previously thought by my family, totally pathetic person, can sort things out then so can all of you.
So I for one suggest we all stop dwelling on what has happened and from now on stick to the positive, as in being suitably housed, getting whatever benefits we deserve and finding suitable employment rather than wasting our thoughts on these so called men.

Pollycat

So I for one suggest we all stop dwelling on what has happened and from now on stick to the positive, as in being suitably housed, getting whatever benefits we deserve and finding suitable employment rather than wasting our thoughts on these so called men.

I appreciate what you're saying, moodydonkey, but at the moment these guys are still in the lives of Kizzy, Gert, SFH, Jules, TLF etc because they have kids together - and regardless of what happens in the future, they'll probably continue to be in their lives - if only through the children.

Good luck with the interview, btw.

gerturdeanna

My mum and him used to have a great relationship, she calls him her surrogate son!! But she is very angry at him for what he has done. I don't think she would be soo spiteful as to throw it back in his face...but I can't really give her a 'heads up' in case he doesn't and then thats something else she'll have against him.

kizzykizzywizzy

I do agree with Moody but unfortunately there are a lot of years, memories dreams etc to contend with, which cloud our judgement - you are SO right though.

Gert, do you know what hurts me so much is that my Mum absolutely adored DFS, & died not realising what a total !!!!!! he is, I can honestly see images in my head of my Mum cuddling him & kissing him goodbye when we went to see my parents, also my Grandad, who's also not here anymore thought so much of him.
I really despise him - him & his fat ugly sow can do what they like.
Eat pies probably :rotfl:

bunty109

gerturdeanna wrote: »

My mum and him used to have a great relationship, she calls him her surrogate son!! But she is very angry at him for what he has done. I don't think she would be soo spiteful as to throw it back in his face...but I can't really give her a 'heads up' in case he doesn't and then thats something else she'll have against him.

I think maybe it's a bit soon to ask him to apologise to your mum, mainly because your mum is going to be mad at him and far less forgiving than you (you're her baby and you've been hurt). Maybe you need to say to him that you'd like to envisage him making his peace with your family sooner rather than later, but before you try and smooth the way a bit you need to be 100% sure he knows what he wants....otherwise he'll be on a hiding for nothing from your family for messing you around and you may well be faced with them saying the told you so....and that's not fair on you and it won't be fair on the kids to have their grandmother hating their dad.

moodydonkey

I agree with everyone. It's hard not to. I agree with the folks that say you should leave it (if you check very early on i said kiz should detach from it) For the record and very boring it is but here we go.
I fell in love with my husband to be the very first time i saw him (bending over so all i saw was his bum)
I adored my man from that moment onwards and for at least the next decade.
When I knew that we were finally going to split (after many years and affairs)
I was devastated.
I don't make the comments or statements that i do lightly. I've been so in love that it hurts and been so incredibly let down that i wish I wouldn't wake up in the morning. However we do get through it. and i apologise if some people find me flippant or maybe don't think i understand because i do. Maybe it's easier if you've survived, i don't know but for what it's worth i did and you will to.
I think it is definitely easier when you are on the other side so am wishing you all the best of luck and will check in in a week or so much love Sarah xxxxxxxxxxxxx

kizzykizzywizzy

Whoever posted http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Chmnh3D4r6g
sorry to lazy to check I absolutely love it & listen to it all the time, I tried to do a spree today & spent nothing:o very MSE though!

Pollycat

Gert
you said earlier today that you're not feeling that great. Could that be one reason why you're questioning whether you're doing the right thing?
Or is it that you're unsure if you are doing the right thing and that's why you're down?
So which came first? Chicken or egg?

He has said that he wants to be with me and he deleted her number in front of me without me asking and thats not the sort of thing he would normally do - he did that to show he was real about not wanting to contact her.
But then when we talked on Saturday he said that it would have finished before she got married anyway because she wouldn't have given up her wedding for him. Its just got me thinking that they must have been discussing it etc for her to have said that and so maybe he's just holding on to see if she does get married or not. And with him saying he wants to take it slow - well if he wants to be with me, why isn't he here right now!! And why did he do it in the first effing place!!!

I think that you'd be better to talk this through with him when you next get chance. Let him know what you're thinking and why.
But, if this is in your mind, how is he going to be able to prove that he wanted you and not her?

I'm so sorry to hear that things seem to have taken a backward step for you, I really did think you were on the way to sorting this out.

kizzykizzywizzy

moodydonkey wrote: »

I agree with everyone. It's hard not to. I agree with the folks that say you should leave it (if you check very early on i said kiz should detach from it) For the record and very boring it is but here we go.
I fell in love with my husband to be the very first time i saw him (bending over so all i saw was his bum)
I adored my man from that moment onwards and for at least the next decade.
When I knew that we were finally going to split (after many years and affairs)
I was devastated.
I don't make the comments or statements that i do lightly. I've been so in love that it hurts and been so incredibly let down that i wish I wouldn't wake up in the morning. However we do get through it. and i apologise if some people find me flippant or maybe don't think i understand because i do. Maybe it's easier if you've survived, i don't know but for what it's worth i did and you will to.
I think it is definitely easier when you are on the other side so am wishing you all the best of luck and will check in in a week or so much love Sarah xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Moody sorry, I really hope you didn't think I was having a go at you - I honestly in my heart know you are right - I'm just saying I wish it was easier I guess.
Please don't think for one minute I was saying you were being flippant
Sorry I really didn't mean that at all