Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

Cheers moody
Where's SFH tonight ?? hope she's ok
I'm going to see if there's anything on TV, I haven't got a lot to add tonight.
I'm getting over him, he's over me - kids are upset, I'll be ok financially, will have a great night out Friday, will meet a millionaire under the age of 80 & live hapily ever after;)

GeorgeUK

I would go along with Robster and Pollycat.

Gert, you have all these questions flying around your head and it may be best to write them down, then go over some of the more important ones with him.

Not too sure about his idea of moving out of the house and area. It may be that he is hoping for a fresh start somewhere and that this will make everything better. If this is his thinking, then it is very selfish, not least because you still don't know if you can trust him or are prepared to trust him. Something just doesn't sit right with that.

You have every right to be furious at him and him not being with you is just making things harder. It may be that he is wanting to give you some space, but from what you have said it almost seems like he's bifing his time. Maybe hoping that aftersome time you'll have calmed down enough that you want him back permanently, not giving him the hard time that he deserves and not mind if it is on his terms - more fool him.

I might be totally misreading the situation and really hope i am, but you need answers to some of the questions or you will not get any peace. You need closure on this before you will be able to move forward with him - just hope he realises that there needs to be some tough talking to work through this.

Hope it works out for you. You deserve to be happy.

moodydonkey

I'm sure SFH is ok as we all are.
As for your kids being upset, unfortunately it's a time heals thing. Day by day it will get better.
My ex used to phone at bedtime thinking he was doing the right thing but it would just upset them.
Please please believe me, it's maybe now that maybe the big things have been said and done and you now have to get down to the normal day in day out routine but it can be done. We will all do it together. Hour by hour if that's what it takes. Trust me sweetheart we'll all be ok xx

gerturdeanna

He's justed phoned to see how the kids are - so I'm like its half eight, the kids have been in bed for over an hour, he apologised for not calling earlier - didn't give a reason but he did say he'd been knocking his friends fireplace out, so maybe he lost track of time - not good enough though!!
He asked how I was, so I said I was having a bad day today and I was realy confused He asked me why, so I told him I was unsure exactly why he wanted to 'take things slow' he replied its so that we can both be sure this is what we want and if we rush into and it doesn't work out again, he doesn't want there to be more hurt caused. I told him I couldn't really talk about it now and we'll discuss it tomorrow.
Well, to be honest, I'd rather know now whether he is going to be committed to me and us!! Than in six months time or whatever, its just prolonging the agony now.
I think I might write some questions down and leave it for him to write his answers down..but I don't really know how I want him to show he's committed to us.

robster1964

Gert, hun I really don't know what to think at the mo.....

He says he will never live in the house again, hates the area etc... but does he just expect another home to magic it's way out of thin air? Also shouldn't he be helping plan how this is going to be achieved instead of leaving it all up to you?

The other thing that bugs me, is that all the time that he's away, the kids don't know where they are neither, doesn't he realise that cos he is throwing his toys out of the pram, the kids are having all this prolonged aswell.

Oh Babe, I don't envy you this one. Enjoy your wine love, hopefully things may have a different slant tomorrow.

SFH, don't know where you are lady, but would like to know that you are a bit pickled but OK?

Kizzy, going to watch a bit of TV too and have an early night. Prob watch the children at 9 on ITV. Can't wait til that pie eating ex of yours comes to his senses and realises what a strong positive lovely person you really are! And I hope by then you have met a stunning hunk of burning love and you can tell him to get stuffed, the salad dodging pie eating freak!

G'Nite All....

Robster xxx

moodydonkey

Gert I think you've hit it on the head when you say show me how! I don't think you can except for seeing how things go.
As for writing things down he may well answer what he thinks you want to hear.
At the end of the day there comes a point where you say stuff it. You can go round and round or go for it.
He's cheated. He will either do it again or he won't.
If it's a sex problem then try to sort it.
If it's a financial problem then try to sort it.
If neither of the above then maybe you aren't matched.
Personally if you have been together for a number of years then one of the above is usually the problem.

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks Robster
Have a good night
I'm off - had a couple of glasses of wine, now I'm shattered, - hope I'm alright Friday, will probably come home & puke all over him ( being the classy lady I am!:p )

Rikki

robster1964 wrote: »

Gert, hun I really don't know what to think at the mo.....

He says he will never live in the house again, hates the area etc... but does he just expect another home to magic it's way out of thin air? Also shouldn't he be helping plan how this is going to be achieved instead of leaving it all up to you?

The other thing that bugs me, is that all the time that he's away, the kids don't know where they are neither, doesn't he realise that cos he is throwing his toys out of the pram, the kids are having all this prolonged aswell.

Oh Babe, I don't envy you this one. Enjoy your wine love, hopefully things may have a different slant tomorrow.

SFH, don't know where you are lady, but would like to know that you are a bit pickled but OK?

Kizzy, going to watch a bit of TV too and have an early night. Prob watch the children at 9 on ITV. Can't wait til that pie eating ex of yours comes to his senses and realises what a strong positive lovely person you really are! And I hope by then you have met a stunning hunk of burning love and you can tell him to get stuffed, the salad dodging pie eating freak!

G'Nite All....

Robster xxx

This bit worries me too.

If you move and things don't work out, you will find yourself in an unfamiliar house in a strange area with only possibly a few new friends. Where you are now you have the children in a settled environment with their friends and you have yours. He's the one who has to prove himself to you not you move to suit him.

You both need to keep on talking. You need to get to the bottom of what you both want and the changes you are both prepared to make to see it happen.

gerturdeanna

I would say its both!! But how do we tackle it - oh flip it. I don't know - I;m going to bed!! alone

kizzykizzywizzy

Night Gert
Try not to over analyse everything, tell him he can't run away from his problems, that's what he did by going off with the slapper & look where that's got him! Moving won't make any difference any problems will move with you - he/you need to sort them out
Try & get some sleep

Sweet dreams xx