Marriage over don't know where to start

Skint_Lynne

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Thanks KM
I hate the weekends!

You won't hate the weekend next Friday night when you are out strutting your stuff!! Then when you come back in, if he is watching the kids you will probably get the third degree, where did you go, who did you speak to etc, and then you can turn around and say, 'it's none of your business', that will drive him mad!!!

When you get used to things the weekends and weekdays will not seem as bad at all, you have just had a very nasty experience so give yourself a bit of time to get over it.

SL x

kizzykizzywizzy

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Kizzy he might be thinking/doing the same as you, as in he might be thinking 'I can't ring again I've rung twice and asked her how she is I'm gonna look a saddo if I keep ringing and I better not ring the kids coz she says I am confusing them'.

I don't mind him ringing them at all, they like to speak to him, but even that I'd rather him do when they get in from school rather than just before bed, because DS is really a Daddy's boy & gets upset. The other day he rang before, school as it was DD's first day, which is Ok, but we were in a rush, so he didn't have a lot of time to talk to them.

Keeping_Motivated

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Kizzy he might be thinking/doing the same as you, as in he might be thinking 'I can't ring again I've rung twice and asked her how she is I'm gonna look a saddo if I keep ringing and I better not ring the kids coz she says I am confusing them'.

I don't mind him ringing them at all, they like to speak to him, but even that I'd rather him do when they get in from school rather than just before bed, because DS is really a Daddy's boy & gets upset. The other day he rang before, school as it was DD's first day, which is Ok, but we were in a rush, so he didn't have a lot of time to talk to them.

Yeah I know you don't mind him ringing them but I bet he thinks I'll only upset DS again and he will start begging me to come home etc. OR the other reason he might not be ringing is because he is really not liking not having you all 'need' him and he is trying to teach YOU a lesson (bloody cheek) given his behaviour over the last few weeks this could be true? Well he will have a long wait if he is trying to test you on this, won't he Kizzy :cool:

I suppose this time apart and the routine back in place will also be good in terms of what will and won't work i.e when you have the chat about contact specify times (ish) for his calls to them and ask him to stick to that too so that he doesn't let them down.

MissMitch

Hi all,

hope you don't mind me posting here but I've been reading this thread for a while, shedding a few tears and having a good old giggle and thought maybe I could add something...and get some good advice myself at the same time!

Firstly , I think you're all doing brilliantly. dealing with totally **** situations that have been forced on you...and I also think those of you who are just here for support have been totally amazing! :T

I split up with my OH about this time last week...I've only been with him a very short time compared to some of you guys, 2 years, but I do love him to bits. I left him because he has a very annoying habit of ringing other women whenever we have an argument, this includes his ex wife, ex girlfriend and other women from the pub whose numbers he just seems to 'gather' - and whilst this sounds fairly innocent it's usually of quite a sexual nature...I guess it's just some kind of security back-up but personally I think it's a very twisted way to carry on when he knows it upsets me and I think I deserve a little more out of life. I don't know how far it's ever gone with any of these women...and I don't want to know. I just know it's not how I want to live my life anymore, so I've told him to FO and never contact me again...and apart from a tentative text last tuesday, which didn't get a reply, he's taken me at my word.:(

Anyway, the main things I wanted to say were:

Kizzy, you're doing amazing...I know you don't always feel as tough as you know you should be but that's perfectly understandable. I feel crappy today and would love to hear from my ex, but I know even if I did it wouldn't change anything as I just can't trust him now and would rather be missing him like mad then be back with him and wondering if he's off chatting up somebody else every time he's out on his own. I know that one day I'll feel much better then I do now, and then all this carp will seem like it was the right thing to do!

SFH, you're doing great too gal, roll on OZ! You're so called friend is not being much of a friend and I'd avoid her for a while if I were you. I know it's not much fun feeling lonely, I'm pretty much isolated from my support network except for via phone, but it's better then having people who are so self-absorbed that they treat you like that. As for calling your ex, leave it to him to call...even if it's killing you, because you can't make him realise what he's missing in you and DS when he's thinking he's the cat that's got the cream right now. He can only realise for himself in his own time and you ringing him is just going to make him dig his heels in more. I know it's easy to say, but try to distract yourself, not with housework and boring carp, but with something that really absorbs you, and jsut make you forget for minutes at a time. For me right now that's the Wii Fit that I bought last tuesday!

Gert, I applaud you! I really hope it works out between you and OH. Stay focused on what's important, that's moving on and making a go of it, with the knowledge that you are doing what's right for you and you've had a massive wake-up call to remind you that despite your love for him, hubby is not the be all and end all! And just to let you know I split my ex 3 times and got back twice and my family were pulling their hair out, but I'm so glad I did because this time it was a lot easier then the first because I knew that I'd tried everything I could and it made it alot easier to accept. I don't think getting back with someone is ever a sign of weakness...I think it's a sign of strength, because you're prepared to face some of the most difficult things you'll ever have to face in your life.

I think I have just written my longest post ever! :eek:

kizzykizzywizzy

Yes I do think, even if he isn't seeing them everyday, it's nice for them to speak to him, even if to just say hello, yes school was fun, love you, bye, which is what they usually do:D
Wspeak to him on Friday about which days & phonecalls also

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks for the post MM - always wary of doing long ones as they have a tendancy to disapear!! You are doing well too, very brave & sensible of you not to put up with his carp

gerturdeanna

Thanks MM, You've brought a tear to my eyes. I'm feeling a bit sad and alone right now - but I'm not going to call anyone - I'm going to go to bed, read a bit of my book, spread out and chill before the mad rush for first day at pre-school for dd tomorrow.
Night all.

kizzykizzywizzy

Gert - sleep well
Hope DD's first day goes well, that's when the tears will really start:o but she will be fine

MissMitch

Hey, I'm very lucky...We don't have kids together and since he is the tightest begger on god's green earth, he only ever added to my debts rather then helped me pay them off, but it doesn't mean I don't miss the silly old git!

I think you're great over the kids too as you are clearly a very devoted mother who has their best interests at heart above all else. DFS (love the name) is a total fool!

kizzykizzywizzy

I obviously love my children to death, but it would've been so much easier to split without them, because then I'd only have to worry about me.
DFS is because I've got such a bad memory & I thought I'd remember it if I named him after a furniture store:p
Anyway I'm off to bed, will watch iceage - why they've put a kids film on at this time of the night I don't know