Marriage over don't know where to start

Buffythedebtslayer

Kizzy its !!!! and I know you know this - but its just so you can see it im black and white now- the guy you married has gone now and the shell that is left is not him.

You are an inspiration you absolutely are, I would have been so nasty and probably taken the kids and refused acess and all sorts if some man hurt me like that. You have diginity and self respect in spades and are going to have a brilliant life again in time once he is out of your system.

xxxx

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks, I think I'll treat myself to a magnum!!

If I didn't think it would hurt the kids, I would've refused access!!! so I'm not that nice:o
BUT I want happy well adjusted children & I know that they need both parents & that they love both parents, so after this week I will make arrange ments for him to see them at least 3 days in the week.
Anyway packed lunches done - hamsters done, dishwasher loaded.
Kids bedrooms awful, but that's like painting the severn bridge! I only tidied a bit yesterday & DD did a bit today, but hers is back to what it was like before.

lotties_mum

kizzy, your kids will be entitled to free school meals.

gerturdeanna

Agree with Debtslayer -you have done and are doing brilliantly and you too SFH!!
I'm feeling crap at the mo - he left at 4ish and the kids have been crying and allsorts - they can't understand how he was here last night and now he's not again - think I may have to cut out the overnighters here. Family are still bugging me telling me they think I'm doing the wrong thing, maybe I am, but I need to do it. If it works out, good, if it doesn't, then good - I'll be fine either way. Plenty of people get over affairs, plenty of people don't - either way everyone gets on with it and does whatever they need to do. Yes I sholdn't have slept with him on Thursday but I did and it was damn good too!!
I won't be doing it again for a while, he hasn't got an easy life at the moment - he wants to come back and I won't let him until we have sorted things out - I still am debating whether I want to be with and I'm sure he is debating to - can't understand why my family just won't let me get on with it.

lotties_mum

And back to the phone calls it's HIS job to phone you to see if the kids are ok. Well done to starting your access visits though.

kizzykizzywizzy

Well DD will be happy about meals - though I think she prefers packed lunch & DS will only eat packed lunches!
He's not been deprived of seeing them at all, in fact he's seen them almost every day, the thing is the kids were getting upset when he didn't stay, or if he missed a day, I was having trouble getting them to bed & at one stage had them both in with me! So we said we'd make it less after Alton Towers, we had a bit of a row & I said - you can see them NEXT Friday! he wasn't too happy about this, & started the threats of court etc, but I said I want to get them back into a routine, I really expected him to ask to see them before then, but he hasn't & they haven't asked to see him either, they've spoken to him on the phone.
So it still stands as Friday!! which I actually think is a long time off, but was said in the heat of the moment.
Also kids are being Sooo much better going to bed & haven't been in my bed once! So it is kind of working.
But I do want them to see him more than this, It's really not enough, but hopefully it might give him chance to see what he's missing.

Gert you have to go with what you think is right hun, see you are now getting the same as I was, the kids just get so confused, poor you:o

lotties_mum

I think you have been really generous with the amount of times he has seen the kids and the access he gets, I think you will find he is being stubborn at the moment and if the kids aren't asking for him, let him sweat it out until friday. He will know deep down that what you said was said in the heat of the moment and is probably waiting for you to go chasing him.

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks LM, I'm just finding it so hard.
I will get out of the house tomorrow, & have a trying on spree for Fridays night out, that ought to keep me busy.
At least the kids are in bed at a reasonable time, should've been 7.30, but I was on the phone, so they went about 15mins late, which is a whole lot better than they have been.
How is he playing this so cool ? or is he? it's probably nothing to him, he's got his sister's company or his mum & dad, or his 1 mate, so he's probably fine it's me who's the lonely saddo!

Keeping_Motivated

Kizzy he might be thinking/doing the same as you, as in he might be thinking 'I can't ring again I've rung twice and asked her how she is I'm gonna look a saddo if I keep ringing and I better not ring the kids coz she says I am confusing them'.
Even though he has his sister and her family for company I am sure he feels deep down he is out staying his welcome and also he can't feel like he can really lounge about like he would in his own home so he won't be 'ok'. I know its his choice but it won't be easy (not that I'm feeling sorry for him).

You've done the hard bit now (the weekend) so if you can get through that you can get through the rest of the week.

KM x

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks KM
I hate the weekends!