Marriage over don't know where to start

cazziebo

You know what, Kizzy? No matter what, you'll get through this. You're young, you have your kids, you have amazing strength.

I know what you mean about a break from the kids. You just need some "me" time. Can you suggest that when you get back from holiday, then he arranges to have the kids for a week for you to get some time out? Even if it's some months off, it gives you something to look forward to?

You might have to work out some ground rules for the holiday. And I mean YOU, don't let him do it.

I know you still love him, but from what you've described, you're far too good for him. Some day he'll realise what a total a*se he was, whatever the outcome.

Stay strong!

XX

Keeping_Motivated

Kizzy how long until you go away?

As for not have anytime to yourself, could he look after them at the weekend while you go out? I don't necessarily mean a night out as you are probably not in the mood but maybe some retail therapy then lunch and a glass of wine all child free while he gets to get a taste of coping with the children alone as you normally do?

KM x

Gillianh2

Kizzy,
I havent posted before but wanted to wish you well.

I dont know how old the children are, but assuming they are school age is there a chance of setting up some "Play Dates" with there friends. The kind where you have there friends one day and then yours go to the friends another time. This might work and may also help to widen your social circle.You would get some "Me" time and I am sure other Mums would appreciate it to.
Have you thought about asking other Mums in childrens class if they might fancy all going out for say a Christmas Meal, just Mums a "Girls Night"
Just the act of getting dressed up and enjoying some Adult Company, would do wonders for your self esteem. Perhaps there might be other Mums at the school who are in a similar situation.

On a more immediate note I think you should start a rota whereby your OH gets to either take the children out alone or comes to your and looks after them and you take yourself out for a couple of hours. It doesnt matter if you just go sit in the park you need some space and time for yourself. And this might give him a reality check.

Good Luck.

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks Fidget, yes everything I thought I would do went out of the window!
He's taking the children to the park tomorrow, so hopefully it will be less stressful, but now I feel like I'm missing out! as of course normally I would've gone too.
I must admit I snapped at him, he was moaning about the kids & I said you've only been here 2 hours, I've got this all the time!
To be honest they weren't that bad just excited & as I hadn't arranged anything for them to do, as in making Pizzas yesterday, he was at a loss & watched spongebob with them & they kept arguing about who was going to sit on his lap!

kizzykizzywizzy

oooo, so many replies!!
I don't think I'm too good for him Cazziebo, he's usually a really nice fun person, I'm very social, probably more than him & never stop talking, I know lately, I probably have been a bit moany & I do pick him up on things & nag, so I'm by no means perfect.
We go away Saturday, he's even being stupid about the packing for that, he's hardly taking anything with him, just like when he comes around, I say do you want to get yourself something to eat ( obviously I'm not doing it, though he's always asking to do things for me ) he says no I haven't eaten for a day.............nearly got the violin out, I said, well there's food there, if you want some help yourself.
Also like the you have the house, car, money!
When all I want is for us to go back to being as we were
Re other parents etc, I went out to the park yesterday with one friend, I'm sure I can get together with others, I think the park is best though as when they come around, they seem to get EVERYTHING out of EVERY cupboard!!! wouldn't be so bad, but just don't have the energy for all that at the moment.
Also my friends are all married in couples etc, they are like I am, they would rather spend time with DH

Buffythedebtslayer

bless them. I do have an overwhelming urge to yell at your bloke you know.

its bonkers. and do snap at him no point in walking on egg shells really.

how long till the holiday and when is the holiday finished?

do you think you can hang till then?

and do the play date if you can?

or I know its not moneysaving but is there some kind of daycare type thing they could go to? I don't know hon I am jst randomly thinking now

((((((((((hugs)))))))))

xxxxxxxxxxx

OberonSH

Hey Kizzy,

I think you're doing really well, and the mixed signals this man is giving off are enough to drive any woman to drink.

When he takes the kids to the park tomorrow, take the opportunity to get a btah, do something for you, not housework, or anything like that. Read a book, watch the Crime Channel, whatever. Realx a bit.

Have you thought about telling him about his mixed signals? I know its tricky ground - you don;t want to push too hard, but you don;t want to seem distant - but this isn;t fair on you. Might be worth just telling him that you'll be there for him if he wants to talk, but you're going to give him the 'space' that men seem to need when they go a bit mental, and step back from him for a while. He seems to still have feelings for you, but might be afraid to take the first steps - after all he 'ended' it, and men have this thing about not backing down.

All in all you seem to be doing really well, and you should congratulate yourself. And don;t forget, if things go completely to pit you could always take somoeone else on the holiday! I do agree about setting the boundaries though - what rooms are booked? Might be worth seeing about getting 2 singles, to allow you both your own areas.

And don't forget to relax - it is a holiday. Don't spend the time worrying about him and you, just take it as it comes. Do your thing.

Have you thought about taking up a hobby? Something that is just for you. Needlework, pottery, candlemaking, scrapbooking - something to take your mind off it. When my ex (May he get the vicious itching kn0b rot) left, you would not believe the amount of socks I knitted. Have a few mates around, get a takeout and watch a movie. Don't forget to live your life! Don't put yourself on hold to fit around some bloke who doesn't know his bum from breakfasttime.

You rock, love, and it will only gt better for you. Promise.

sallyx

Kizzy, have just pm'd you

kizzykizzywizzy

Oberon, you've made me chuckle, you still "like" your ex then:rotfl:
He's already had a dead moth in his pants drawer, he hates them;) he went urrgghhh theres a moth on my boxers!!! so I said that's about right! this was before all the cr4p happened & when he was being distant.
Yes, the mixed signals are the problem here, & yes I will have some "me" time whilst he's up the park.
Hobbywise I used to comp alot, but I must admit I got a bit bored after a while, I don't watch TV alot as it's boring sitting on your own, so I'm on here for most of the evenings! I like the company:p
The room on holiday is a family room, 2 doubles I think, so he can go in with the kicking kungfu son & I'll go in with sleeping beauty;)

MrsTinks

Obi LOVES her Ex You should read her thread - it's hillarious! Bit long now but well worth a read!