Marriage over don't know where to start

spud30

I havent any advice, I just wanted to say good luck for tonight. We'll all be thinking about you hun x

taxi73

Hope everything is going ok with the talk xxx

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi he's been round, was his usual impatient self with the kids, who were excited to see him, so a bit crazy.
Got the suitcase out of the roof for me, yet again asked me questions like what shall I pack, shall I get my hair cut, to which I replied, don't wish to be funny, but you say you've been a slave to me all your life & you keep asking me what to do all the time.
I don't really feel I have the right to view his texts as we are supposedly not together anymore anyway. Just he's seeing the kids & we are going to get through the holiday.
He's constantly asking me can I get you anything? guilt I suppose.
Anyway with his being grumpy & me on edge it wasn't any fun at all.
When he first got here he said kiss, so I said only if you want to, at which point I got a peck & he said it's only a kiss!
I didn't get any signs at all tonight that he was bothered about me, he looked upset once when my DS was playing with his moneybox which plays "It's a small world" we had a fabulous holiday with the kids pre lightbulb 2005, my last holiday! I think that hit a nerve, but that was it.
When he left he said if there's anything you want me to do/get just text me or phone me.
So now I'm sat here all on my own, as I have been all this time, & being that he was a miserable git, slightly put off of him & just hoping he'll cheer up for the holiday

Buffythedebtslayer

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am sorry he was a sod and you couldn't talk or have much positive stuff happening. be back in a sec have to rescuse a hamster

Buffythedebtslayer

sorry, hamster in hamster ball under dinning room table.

when you said you didn't feel you should be answering those questions what did he say?

Hate this bit when you (I don't mean you you I mean everyone if you see what I mean) analyse everything. but the alternative is to wait and do nothing.

I wonder if you would feel better making some plans about how you would manage without him? I know you are a long way from that but it would give you something to do? I don't know hon, I am trying to think what I would do and I would have to have some control whilst he "decided" . I would have to do something.
Christ that would make me angry. phew.

if you want to pm me am here

xxxxxxxxxxx

kizzykizzywizzy

The hair cut thing, he said, I'm only asking if I should get it cut at the barbers or clipper it & save some money!
I might get some details from estate agents for rooms to rent & leave them about.
It sounds pathetic, but I really really can't look after the children on my own any more. I feel as though I've been in prison for the last 18 months.
SIL has looked after them a couple of times, but that was for work things & that is in 18 months!
Other than that no family help at all.

Hope the hamster's OK, we have 2 hamsters, proper little houdini's!

beanielou

Huggles kizzy.

sallyx

hey kizzy, just wanted to send you a hug, I have sort of been where you are. It does sound like he might be suffering from depression. What I would say is give him space, be nice to him, but equally look after yourself. When I went through it I found this book really really helpful and made me realise that I could carry on with life. Book is called the Divorce Remedy by Michelle Weiner Davis
pm me if you want, anytime xx

Fidget21

Kizzy

I've been reading your thread and can't continue to lurk as I feel like I'm being rude. However, I'm not sure that I have any good advice for you, so I just want to offer a hug and another voice of support for you in this difficult time.

I think Buffy and I are on the same wavelength because I totally understand when she says how bad it is analysing things...however I know if it were me I would be the same. I'd even be rehearsing things before he came round...you know, stand in front of a mirror, picture him there....be cool, be cool! All of which would go out of the window the minute he walked through the door!

I think your holiday will be the turning point. You will either find something between the two of you from which you can try and rebuild your relationship, or if things are no different then when you return it is time to cut some ties and let him fend for himself. At the moment he is treating you a bit like he doesn't want you but he doesn't like you being independent from him either (I bet he would freak if another fella showed any interest in you!!!)

I wonder if he is intimidated by the fact that you have managed so well without him while he has been away? He maybe has got it into his head that you don't need him so is trying to show you that he doesn't need you either. Oh, there I go analysing things again. I can't help myself!

Anyways, look after yourself and your kids as number 1 priority. Take care.

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks Sally, did you stay together?
See the thing is I've looked up depression & adultery online & I'm afraid they both are very similar symptoms!!
I want to leave him alone to sort himself out, but we have a bit of a time limit, that he can't stay at his Sisters forever & we will have to get things sorted soon after hols, or he can come back here, & I'll have to put up with him sleeping on the sofa & being moody when I'm not even with him!
My Sister still has her EX at home, divorce hasn't come through & he won't leave & she's having a nightmare!