Marriage over don't know where to start

Rikki

robster1964 wrote: »

Chip, you are way out on this one mate.........

You are judging a situation, but, only from a narrow perspective, your own.

Women are very very different.

I think you are wonderful, with your honest appraisal of your lost relationship and your obvious resillience caring for your children.

Your comment to Gert's situation, is fairly typical of some men........ because your hurt is so bad......... you can't recognise some elses, cos they are not reacting in the same way as a man would do..........
..
Robster xxxxx

I agree with chips perspective and I think he is very right in a lot of what he says. It is not just a mans point of view. It's also a survival instinct.

cupid_s

Rikki wrote: »

A lot of men don't start an affair for sex.
It starts as listening partner sympathetic to their problems at home. Its a need to be understood, then comforted and before they know it they've opened their heart, shared their feelings and things are heading towards a sexual relationship.
Probably not the original intention but the eventual out come.

I think this is exactly why I could forgive if it was just for sex. I know in the majority of cases that just doesn't happen but it's the betrayal, talking about all our problems with someone else and sharing all their feelings that I would find hardest to deal with.

trancebabe wrote: »

Maybe I see things a bit more black and white but how would you ever know whether it was 'just sex' or something with more feeling than that?!

Unless I was unwilling, or physically unable to satisfy my hubby's needs then I would have to assume that it was more than just sex.

In my ex DH's case, it wasn't only the fact that he'd been with another woman, it was the lies, deception, deviousness and the fact that I would never know if he was dreaming about another woman (for sex or anything else) when he was lying in bed with me. I couldn't trust him, no matter how much he tried assuring me I could (and in the end I was right not to... he was a rat!)

It's a really tough one to overcome...

I'd have to hope it was only sex. Because the issues you talk about wouldb e exactly what I would find hard to deal with. But I think for various reasons people sometimes don't satisfy all their partners needs. Sometimes they simply don't know what they are! And if that was the case I'd be able to lay at least part of the blame at my door which would certainly help in the forgiveness.

kizzykizzywizzy

Off out with friend in a minute.
I can't comment on all this sex/intimacy thing it all really upsets me. I have to block all of that from my mind.
I have the problem that he is still in contact with the moose, she must be phoning him though as he has no credit on his phone.
He hasn't seen her for nearly 2 months now, & the affair I think started April time, so only ( I say only! ) went on for a few months, the ship was sailing in September ( no sure when or for how long ) so she's probably at sea & more difficult to contact.
I just can't see it going anywhere, he'll have been away from her more than he's been with her soon.
Oh well, his choice.
Not going to worry or think about it.

As for the babysitting, I didn't think about the children being confused, that is a very valid point, the point made before was that he may think I'm still available ( which is not a problem, because he doesn't want me ! ) - so I will probably say not to stay.

Also meant to say, I wasn't there for him to talk to, so might have been why he originally started all of this hell!

Chip_Hazard

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Hi Chip
Post your thoughts, some people might take something from it and others may post a disagreement and you then have the right to respond but to say its because you are man and to say we ALL jump on you I do disagree with that.

And I thought women were sensitive :rotfl:

I was only answering Robster with that point. Her post higher up says that I couldn't understand because I was a man.

Do you know, all I said in my original post was "unbelievable". Read into that what you want but I simply found the news unbelievable. Kizzy immediately had a dig asking if I had ever made a mistake which she knows full well I have. This implied that I had all the answers and was looking down on Gert when all I said was that I had found the news difficult to believe. Rather like me hearing that Jade Goody had won Miss World or that I'd been promoted at work...unbelievable!

As for Kizzy, I have been in the same position as her OH and any niceness, warmth and closeness that she offers will be seen by him as an invitation. He will try to take advantage of it ( yay, I can stay over! ) and massage the situation to his benefit. If she lapsed and slept with him ( before you shout at me, I'm not saying it will happen ) then he's laughing...he'd be having his cake, eating it and having a second slice too!!!

Finally as for you girls who would forgive your man if he had sex with another woman, even if it was just for the physical act of sex, you're worth more than that, much more. Even the girls on here who I've disagreed with, having sex / making love is the most intimate action between two humans whatever the circumstances. For you to say that you'd forgive your man for making love / having sex with another woman shows you to be lacking in self-esteem and dare I say it, a bit weak.

Tin hat on, flak jacket on, look out!

kizzykizzywizzy

I knew you wouldn't be able to keep away Chip;)

goodlife

Hello all, been lurking on this thread for a week or two. Can I come and play now please?

My husband has just walked out of the door, slamming it behind him. oh yeah - and borrowing £50 off me to storm off with.

GeorgeUK

Chip - the cup. Did you remember to wear the bulletproof cup???

basketcase

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

, by the way as tempting as it may be to cut it off with a blunt intrument, it's better to cut it off with a shap one as apparently it's more difficult to sew back on ( no idea where I got that bit of useless info from )

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

basketcase

gettingbetter wrote: »

kizzy

sod that if you get home and he is in the bed kick him out to the sofa
he made his bed
he has to lie in it
kas xx

Sorry to disagree gettingbetter...

He's made his bed, so now he's not ALLOWED to lie in it!!:rotfl:

Rikki

Chip_Hazard wrote: »

Tin hat on, flak jacket on, look out!

I'm away for the weekend so I'm leaving you in charge of taking all the flack.

I've my fingers crossed for all you ladies.Have a good weekend and behave yourselves.