Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

Gert just noticed your new sig - loving it!!!:D

jay11_2

Hi all, another lurker here. I've been following this thread and have massive admiration for you all, for coping so brilliantly with c r a p situations and having the sense to make the right decisions for yourselves at the right times.

I haven't posted until now because I haven't felt I had anything to add to the fab advice you've all been given, but am jumping in now contribute my two pennorth to the Chip situation. I haven't ever talked much about this but here goes:

I've been with DH for 18 years (have teenage kids too) and a couple of years ago we relocated to a new area, and I did something really stupid. I got chatting/flirting with an ex online(sometimes after a drink--you can imagine the rest), and though I never met up with him, did anything very extreme, or wanted to actually 'do' anything. But for a few weeks I did let myself get very obsessed with chatting whenever possible and was unreasonable about stopping, seriously neglecting and hurting DH in the process. I later found out that DH did other stuff in retaliation but that's by-the-by. I finally stopped/came to my senses when he started packing a bag!

A good few months of hell on earth followed--rowing from kids going to bed until the early hours most nights--DH working full time in a new job, me studying a very demanding degree course. (I'd always worked 50 hour weeks plus done paperwork at home and this degree was much harder than that.) Almost split up a few times, and the whole thing was just so painful, both felt betrayed, etc etc.

Looking back we'd both been under massive strain for some years, and a lot of resentment built up, plus the relocation was difficult (you name it--it went wrong), I was picking all the pieces up as usual, and basically just cracked. It wasn't on any way the same scale as what you ladies are going through, but did lead to a lot of talking, clearing the air, and sorting out problems/resentments/issues from way back. It was worth it. I now feel that all retationships have tough patches, I love my DH to bits and never wanted to hurt him, yet i did, badly, and I'm soo grateful that he forgave me. I can honestly say that I went a bit mad and really lost it for a while.

I wasn't looking for something better Chip, life was just too much for me at that point, and I will spend the rest of my life feeling grateful to DH for his continued love and faith in me, and making it up to him. 18 months on we both have a much better understanding of each other, (have seen each other at our worst and best) and are both much happier than we ever were before.

Sorry for the long post, xx jay

gerturdeanna

Cheers Kizzy! hehe!!
Had a missed call early from the [EMAIL="sl@gs"]sl@gs[/EMAIL] home number - it was her fella. He just wanted t let me know that he was okay and thanked me for letting him know.
I don't know if those two are getting back together and to be honest, I don't care. If they can work through it, all the better for them, if they can't, everything happens for a reason. He did tell me that she had changed her number - I didn't tell him that OH had deleted hers and that we were trying again because I don't think its any of his/their business. We have agreed not to contact each other again ever. Our lives are non-longer entangled. Lets just hope everyone can put this all behind them and move on in whichever direction is best.

gerturdeanna

Oh and I forgot how much stubble rash kills the next day :j

elona

Gert

I just wanted to wish you luck and hope things work out.

Kizzy

You throw away chocolate!!!!:eek:

Any strawberry creams left?

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks for your post Jay.
It was very honest of you.
I'm really glad you have managed to salvage things.
I really feel that DFS was very depressed on his ship, lonely & saw the single blokes on there buying electrical stuff & drinking loads etc & felt he was missing out.
He also seemed to cut himself off from us, as if having a seperate life, although in his emails he was saying how much he loved me & missed me, he didn't tell me much about his life & what he was doing ( well he couldn't tell me all of it could he!! ) also he stopped asking about the kids, I used to tell him what was going on with them how they were doing, he'd answer things to these emails, but never asked about them, which I did find strange.
Anyway really need to get on with the ironing:j :rotfl: :T :rotfl:
Have a good day folks
Also if there is anyone else out there, who has been through this, from the other side ( as the partner who has cheated ) I'd really appreciate knowing if/ how you got back/split. Thanks

trancebabe

Bleeeeuuuurrrghhh.... think I ate too much chocolate!!!
hehehe
(oh and FYI... Eeeewwww... I didn't touch those strawberry or orange creams.. must have been someone else...! I'm a hard centre girl me!!!)


Well... what a difference a day makes huh!?!

((( Gert ))) - I'm really pleased that you're going to give it another go. You will be greeted by mixed feelings from the people that care about you (which Chip clearly does along, with the rest of us of course) and I have to agree that you're worth more than a guy who cheats on you.

Hopefully your hubby will see it the same way too and know that he can be an @rse no longer!

As long as you're both ready to give it 100%, not throw the affair in his face at every available opportunity and make sure that he knows how high the hoops that he has to jump through are to maintain an honest, loving and true marriage from this day forward, you're all set I think!!

SFH - So wanting to hug you better.. !! Please don't go down the blame road, that's so destructive... ! It is what it is and you have to take it as it comes. Maybe you made mistakes, but you didn't do anything devious and hurtful so please... be kind to you!

I'm off to read all the other posts I missed in my rush to get here and congratulate Gert on her news... anyone got any alka selsas ??

kizzykizzywizzy

Gert, glad [EMAIL="sl@gs"]sl@gs[/EMAIL] ex is on the mend

Elona - yes, sorry I have thrown chocolate away!!
I also can't believe how many of you like strawberry & orange creams:eek:

Ironing is now calling even louder, I will soon be going out naked, due to lack of clothes & although the bods looking quite good at the moment, it's a little bit rainy & nippy.
By the way had some really good ego boosting eye contact today looked at me looked again, this time up & down & smiled, he wasn't bad either.
Shame I was carrying a bag with TENA lady in it!! I bought them today for my friends 40th along with some denture cleaning tablets, of course I had to explain in the shop, cause I didn't want anyone to think they were for me:o it was a man on the till too:p

gerturdeanna

haha - you make me laugh Kizzy!! Good for you girl!!

trancebabe

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

I don't know what he's up to? easing the guilt I think, where as before I thought he still loved me - it's just guilt easing!
Anyway my feelings now are he had his chance he didn't take it, so tough

I am LOVING this fiesty attitude Kizzy!!

:T