Marriage over don't know where to start

Chip_Hazard

Kizzy,

I'm not going to row with you. If you call what we're having a "row", you're wrong IMO anyway, all it is is a disagreement about how I've reacted regarding Gert's news tonight.

Robster - thanks for your post, it's nice to know that I won't understand any of this because I'm a man. Not all men are the same, you know, and just as there are men who are ignorant when it comes to this sort of thing, there are as many women who do nothing for the sisterhood by blindly accepting stuff that happens.

When Gert posted her news, my first reaction was shock as things had been so bad between them. She has said some truly awful things about him on this thread and I was stunned that they were getting back together. Gert said on her post that she asked for people not to get angry so she obviously knew there would be some adverse reaction to her post. Now, several hours later, one person has said they find it unbelievable news and you all jump on them for daring to have a different view.

I hope Gert and her OH can put this all behind them now and make a life for themselves. Its down to her and her only as to whether that will happen. Personally, I think she's worth more than a bloke who cheats on her and that has nothing to do with wanting to be in the land of milk and honey. Its more to do with the fact that I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought they could do better than me and actually acted on it.

I have learned more about myself in the last four years then I ever did before. Being an absent parent is even more difficult in some perspectives than being the parent with residency as you miss out on a whole lot more. I see some of the women on here saying that they can't go on, they want to die etc etc and I realise it is an emotional outburst but it's still not nice to hear. I think quite carefully about what I post before I post it hence when someone else doesn't ( Gert when she called her OH a 'plank with no personality and no knob' ), I find it difficult to understand why the sudden about turn. Maybe she had a drink last night and loosened her stance towards the OH ( before you shout at me, that isn't a dig at her ).

I'm retiring from this thread now, I've tried to help as best I can making posts late at night and first thing in the morning when things are quiet so I can think on what I want to say. In return, I'm told that I'm a man who doesn't understand; I have a narrow perspective, my own; I'm a man who thinks problems are the end of my world and that I am looking at things the wrong way. All because I hold a different view to you lot. . Best of all, it's called a row because I have a differing opinion of things.

At the end of the day, I'm 40 years old with four children, life-changing experiences behind me and a wealth of knowledge about cheating partners and how to deal with heartbroken kids.. however as I have a **** between my legs, my advice is not valid anymore. Ah well, at least I tried. I hope you're slightly more reasonable with the next poor sod who tries helping especially if he's a man.

tesuhoha

Don't go Chip. Your input is valuable. Its best to expect a bit of opposition from time to time but it should not make you stop posting. I am sure kizzy has taken on board many of your wise words of caution.

kizzykizzywizzy

Chip - I was joking about having a "row" - You really need to chill out a bit:cool:
I've listened to a lot of what you've said in the past, but you seem to get really fed up, if people don't take your advise & act upon it.
The advice I've had on here has been invaluable, but I only act on what I think is the correct advise for me.
It's nothing at all to do with being a man either, I'm certainly not a man hater, shame you feel you have to go, but it's your call, you are always welcome here

scottishfreebiehunter

Thing is if Gert wants to give him a second chance then so be it as its her life and kids life,yes he may do it again and of course she knows that will be at the back of her head.
Though fingers crossed he never strays again and they go on to have a good marriage.

I know I wouldnt want anyone to feel the way I am today and would change the world to have my old life back,but I am afraid that is not going to happen so going to have to roll with it as they say.


more dreams,horrid foggy day here but have to make myself go visitng to get me out of this house

gerturdeanna

Chip - I would agree with what the others have said, don't leave just because someone didn't like your opinion. Its a free world and anyone can think what they like.
No I haven't had a drink since Monday night so I was completly sober. We have been together for 10 years and married for 7 and a half. We have two beautiful wonderful children together and although he has done what he has done, I still love him and want to be with him. He is my husband and the father of my children. Yes, he has done bad things and maybe we wouldn't be wanting to make another go of it if the other fella hadn't taken the pills. But he did (and he's fine by the way), and its in the past. It isn't all going to be a bed of roses, no relationship ever is.
He made a mistake and because I love him, I am willing to forgive, but I will not forget. I am not a weak person, it took a lot of thought on both sides, something we have been thinking of seperatly since it happened and pretty much non-stop.
There had been underlying problems for a while in our relationship, some going as far back as 4 years. This has been a wake-up call for both of us. Neither of us are perfect and we do not proclaim to be. Yes, we need to work some issues out, but we are both willing to do that - there is to be no more head burying in the sand, no more lies and deciet. In my world, people get a second chance. This is ours and if it fails, this time around, then we only have ourselves to blame.

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi Gert & SFH & all the others that follow
Hope you all have a good day:D
Trying to get the kids ready for school so will be back later
Take Care xx

scottishfreebiehunter

Today I am now blaming myself:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
Thinking if only I had been different,did this and did that but no point is there

OMFG when will this go away,going to go through to his grans today as have no one in my own family and always been close to her

23 days to go

furball

Good luck Gert. Hugs to those who need them, chip don't stop posting please. As you said you carefully consider what you are going to say before you post, i know that sometimes i type what i feel on the spur of the moment, just as in real life i speak before i think and can on occasion put both feet in mouth. It's because we feel people care on here, that we can be so free in posting what we feel, at that particular moment in time, please don't hold our rants against us. It does people good to be able to get things off their chests instead of bottling it up or brooding over it.
Can i have the strawberry and orange chocs please.

Keeping_Motivated

Chip_Hazard wrote: »

Kizzy,

I'm not going to row with you. If you call what we're having a "row", you're wrong IMO anyway, all it is is a disagreement about how I've reacted regarding Gert's news tonight.

Robster - thanks for your post, it's nice to know that I won't understand any of this because I'm a man. Not all men are the same, you know, and just as there are men who are ignorant when it comes to this sort of thing, there are as many women who do nothing for the sisterhood by blindly accepting stuff that happens.

When Gert posted her news, my first reaction was shock as things had been so bad between them. She has said some truly awful things about him on this thread and I was stunned that they were getting back together. Gert said on her post that she asked for people not to get angry so she obviously knew there would be some adverse reaction to her post. Now, several hours later, one person has said they find it unbelievable news and you all jump on them for daring to have a different view.

Hi Chip

I think you have over reacted here...only 2 posters disgreed and is that not their right just like it was your right to disagree with Gert Post your thoughts, some people might take something from it and others may post a disagreement and you then have the right to respond but to say its because you are man and to say we ALL jump on you I do disagree with that.

Every time I post I run the risk of someone disgreeing, like when I told Kizzy to try her hardest to get him back and tell him how she felt, others disagreed with that advice but I respect that. I believe anyone on this thread who is having trouble should take what advice/help fits their situation and if they disgree with me I am absolutley fine with that because my advice was always meant with the best of intentions. I also believe your advice is meant with the best of intentions and you being a man is irrelavant its valid opinion and advice, however that does not mean we will all agree with it.

And I thought women were sensitive :rotfl:

kizzykizzywizzy

Don't blame yourself SFH, if he did have a problem with you, which I serously don't think he did. He should've spoken to you about it, not run off with another woman ( if you can call her that! ).
As you were saying yesterday, he thought that everyone else was having a better time than him & thought he'd just go off & do that too, what he's not realising is he's in the first exciting rush of his affair & it will soon get dull & he will then realise what a big mistake he has made, but it will probably be too late by then.