Marriage over don't know where to start

Chip_Hazard

gerturdeanna wrote: »

Thank you Furball!! I'm gad somebody seems to understand that I'm not taking this whole situation lightly!!

No-one has said that you're taking it lightly, Gert. It just seemed such a turnaround from a few days ago when you were calling him 'a plank with no personality and no knob'.:eek:

You knew you were going to take some stick over this decision from your original post where you said "Please don't be angry". Just like someone told me earlier, you can't expect everyone to follow your opinion and as much as I have to learn that and accept it, so do you.:rolleyes:

At the end of the day, we all want you to be happy and not get hurt Gert. Most of us have been at some point in our lives and remember how it felt. I tried forgiving my last g/f when she slept with the local drunk - when I worked one night a week, she would smuggle him in then smuggle him out again before I got home - but it was never the same, it was like a bloody big cloud hanging over us. I think the modern day phrase is "an elephant in the room" that no-one mentions but both of you know is there and can't be ignored.

Good luck, Gert, I hope it goes well for you.:D

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi back from the pub, had a lovely if rather speedy lunch, with a equally yummy glass of vino :Dhad a really good laugh as the strange bloke who worked there kept saying enjoy your meal "ladies" anything else i can get you "ladies" do you "ladies" want sugar with your coffee? so suddenly the word "ladies" became hysterical, don't know why:rotfl: I forgot what it's like to have fun!
Got to walk to get the kids in a minute, just thought I'd check in.
Have to echo what furball said about Gert, she is one gutsy strong woman, I wish I was half as strong as she is - she has my respect & admiration, even in her time of need she had the time to help me & for that I will be forever grateful

gerturdeanna

Pollycat - the circumstances as I see it, were that we had both been unhappy for a while with the relationship, but neither of us really did anything to change it. He told me he thought he didn't love me anymore and that maybe we should have a trail seperation, I agreed and then disagreed and then it all went downhill from there. We started going to Relate, which didn't work, because he was already recieving attention from a girl at work (who is/was known to be the office bike), he started going out more with 'his friends' which I was happy about cos I thought he needed time to think about what he was doing re us. He still couldn't make his mind up, I have always tried to 'save' the relationship, until I found out that he had kissed her. I went mad and told him I wanted him out of the house and away from me. Two weeks later, I found out that he had actually slept with her, I texted her fella, it all got messy, he's moved out - and still is until I'm ready to let him back fully into my life, and since then is what you know already. My life for the past 3 months condensced into a paragraph!!

furball

You never know how strong you are till a crisis comes, and believe me i know, i would not wish the last year i have had on even scottishes ex. 3 major bomshells back to back, we just thought we had got through one nightmare when another one came along. Keep strong ladies and gents, and hug your kids tonight.
Getting maudlin now, anymore orange or strawberry chocs, or ferrero roche:D

Pollycat

Thanks, Gert.
Obviously I knew the bit about him having sex with her but I couldn't remember if it was a medium or long term situation, there's been quite a lot of action here in the last couple of weeks. :rolleyes: . I knew about her chap's problem when he found out too.

From what you say it was pretty much a one-off, IMHO easier to deal with than an affair that has been going on for some time.
I'm sure some people will disagree and say that infedelity is the same thing regardless of how many times sex takes place, but I think there is a difference in how the wronged person feels. An affair generally involved lots of subterfuge and lies, one night stands less so.

It sounds to me that you're sensibly taking things steady to be as sure as you can that everything is going to be OK.
Once again, I say 'Good Luck' to you.

Pollycat

Chip

It just seemed such a turnaround from a few days ago when you were calling him 'a plank with no personality and no knob'.

People who are hurting say lots of things they don't mean, especially when they see their whole future slipping away and feel powerless to do anything about it.

I can fully understand why Gert (and Kizzy & SFH) have said the things they have about their OHs.
It was obvious (at least to me) that all 3 ladies desperately wanted things to be back to 'normal', regardless of the (100% deserved) insults they have written.

scottishfreebiehunter

:TPollycatxxxxxxxxxx


Cannot get a grip people have been trying hard but called him today and told him exactly how I felt and yes I know what a saddo but no point in me lying anymore so basically said when I go away will decide whether going to sell house or not as to distraught to live here

jay11_2

Pollycat wrote: »

Chip


People who are hurting say lots of things they don't mean, especially when they see their whole future slipping away and feel powerless to do anything about it.

I can fully understand why Gert (and Kizzy & SFH) have said the things they have about their OHs.
It was obvious (at least to me) that all 3 ladies desperately wanted things to be back to 'normal', regardless of the (100% deserved) insults they have written.

So true, I know my DH said some really awful things to me and about me when he was angry and hurting, just something some people do. Doesn't necessarily change their overall feelings, just hurt and anger speaking, heat of the moment stuff.

kizzykizzywizzy

scottishfreebiehunter wrote: »

:TPollycatxxxxxxxxxx


Cannot get a grip people have been trying hard but called him today and told him exactly how I felt and yes I know what a saddo but no point in me lying anymore so basically said when I go away will decide whether going to sell house or not as to distraught to live here

What did he have to say????

kizzykizzywizzy

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=cH2X5PolerA

My favourite group ever!!! Not making excuses, but this could explain a bit!