Marriage over don't know where to start

scottishfreebiehunter

Shall call later when I can stop blubbing,my whole body is shaking and he called to speak to my ds (who is outside playing )I heard music in the background that reminded me of him us etc etc etc and feel as if my whole world has ended ,I can hardly see the screen for tears,it hurts so much and I wish it didnt but it does,its as if I have finally realised it is all not a bad dream if that makes any sense.
Sorry guys and thanks Kizzy,why can people do this to others and hurt them so badly

kizzykizzywizzy

As we are in Disco mode - a very apt one

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=1wZSwMBKJ5A

tesuhoha

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Morning Folks
Jules, what a mess, I just feel so much for you honey, please take care of yourself.
Haven't heard from Pam, hope all is well with her.
I won't be contacting dfs ( not the furniture shop!! - new name for EX dirty filthy scumbag ) will go to the docs on friday with kids & if DD is late for Beavers, it can't be helped.
Just going to get the kids up & ready for school - didn't sleep too badly, but was dreaming again:rolleyes: ( nightmares of course )
Have a good day, don't worry about me, I'll be absolutely fine, I just need time & distance.
Got lots of housework to keep me busy so won't be dwelling on things today

Love the name!

kizzykizzywizzy

Come on SFH - You are a strong wonderful woman - don't let the !!!!!! do this to you or he will have won.
Start sorting things for OZ be positive & think of what a fantastic time you & DS will be having away from all this carp.
He will never be the man you married now, he's changed you will never love him the same way, I have realised this myself today after loads of you telling me this. Maybe one day you will get back together, but don't sit there waiting, as it may never happen & he's not thinking of you for a minute - so don't waste another second thinking about him.
He's scum & you are a lovely caring person & you don't deserve any of this
I'm angry :mad:

scottishfreebiehunter

:embarasse:embarasse Its odd Kizzy as feel worse today than I did few weeks ago,its crap absolute crap.


Between council tax,sorting out all other money worry stuff etc an absolute nightmare

Going to try and make ds some dinner as he will be in soon

Thanks againxxxx

kizzykizzywizzy

SFH I'm the same Ok one minute down the next, I think realisation has kicked in, & frustration that you can't control/change how things are - you can't make them see what idiots they are throwing away what many people would crave to have.
It's thier loss, but also our loss & the children's loss, so there are no winners here at all.
BUT - the biggest loser in all of this is the cheater, they now have a relationship, if you can call it that, built on lies & deceipt, they are the lowest of the low, to treat the person that loved & cared for them the most in such a bad way.
OOOOO I'm in a bitter mood today:p I just don't like to see you hurting because of some slimy snake in the grass:mad:

scottishfreebiehunter

Its just so hard,I know many people do it looking after kids on there own,but my ds is being so rude etc etc on top of everything else and its all gotten a little bit much for me,pathetic yes but true

kizzykizzywizzy

I've had similar with mine, if I tell them off, I get I love Daddy best! also I am having big problems getting them to bed.

gerturdeanna

It will get better - think of all the other single mums out there that are doing great jobs- sometimes better than if they were in an unhappy relationship. It will get easier - we just have to take the rough with the smooth and never let ourselvse be treated this way again!!

dinkytwostep

Hello Kizzy

Another lurker here :j

MSE wasn’t around when my marriage was breaking up – but I found a book in the local library which saved my sanity.
It emphasised that there is no point trying to do too much at one time. Just take it in small stages. For every good day there will be two or three bad days but you’ll find that you will cope. Little things will upset you dreadfully, BUT, just take it in small stages and remember there WILL be good times.

One of the things it stated was you can’t change the past, you can only change the present. (I used to recite this in my head whenever I began thinking of what went wrong with my marriage and forced myself to start thinking of what I COULD change). I moved the bed so it faced in the opposite direction – changed the colour scheme and removed anything to do with my Ex from the room. I also moved a tv in (would watch it when I couldn’t sleep). It became MY room not OUR room.

You have been part of a couple – so have got used to thinking as part of a couple. Now you have to get to know … and LIKE yourself.

The book recommended trying to do the following type of things each day
(1) ‘grounding’ – ie gardening, baking, family time with the children
(2) Physical - get out of the house (eg go for a walk, learn to swim, join an exercise class…. Basically get rid of the physical tension in your body)
(3) Artistic – eg paint, listen to music, dance (important – for every sad track you listen to you MUST listen to some cheerful music & dance… ok in my case I ironed to mine!!! Although I did it when my DD was at home and it made us both laugh!).
(4) Write – keep a diary and write out your emotions every night AFTER the children go to bed but BEFORE you go to bed. MSE is great for this but the idea with the book is that you only spend an hour doing it and then you put the book down and go and do something else. It means you have a break between writing and going to bed so your brain should be calmer.

Lastly (phew) set yourself a challenge. :eek:

Sorry for the long post – hope it helps you.
In my case my Ex left in October. I decided that I didn’t want my children to remember Christmas as a terrible one…so made a point of giving them something positive to remember. .. it was hard but it worked.
Good luck.

DTS