Marriage over don't know where to start

kellywelly_2

Morning Kizzy, hope you are feeling better today. Please please do me a favour for you and your kids and that is make a stronger commitment to yourself. You really need to put your self first in everything you are doing at the moment. When you feel the need to talk to dfs ( love it by the way ) think how it will make you feel before you do it as this will have a knock on effect to your kids.
I can't reiterate this enough, you have to feel strong and calm for your kids to feel safe and secure, dfs has already let them down so they are now looking to you as thier sole provider and protector and to be this you have to make sure that you are well, healthy and commited to your own happiness and when you achieve this everything else will fall into place.
So whenever you are about to step into any situation that may make you feel vunerable, weak, or sad just say to yourself I make a stronger commitment to myself, it may take some time but hopefully in time it will be second nature to think how things will affect you first and foremost before you do them.
Have a great day xx

MissyBee

Hello - this my first post on any MSE forum although I have been lurking for years! Like so many others on this thread I have been reading it and sympathising with what you are all going through. I just thought now was the time to make my first ever post (please be nice to me)!
Reading your stories I can relate to so much of what you are all going through - I have experienced something very similar with my OH. Whoever said they feel like they are in an episode of Eastenders - I have been there! My story had a happy ending in the end, and we are still together and soon to be married, but I will never forgot those feelings and those empty few months. I just wanted to say I think it is great that there is somewhere for you all to chat and keep each other strong - it is difficult sometimes to talk to your close friends (I know I felt that as I wanted to work things out with him, I didn't want everyone to feel weird with us in the future) so this is a great support netwrork.Keep strong everyone and take care, I will pop back in soon to see how you are all doing. x

Rikki

Is it safe?

I hope you all slept well and are now ready to start a new day.

Deep breath and small steps.

gerturdeanna

Its safe!! I'm sorry for having a go last night - everyone is just soo emotional right now!!

DD starts pre-school on Monday!!! She's got morning sessions only - so bang goes my idea of college during the week - oh well, always nightschool I suppose. She also has to wear a uniform - more expense!! Never mind - he can pay half!!
Still waiting for Income Support people to come - and then DS's teacher comes round. And the OH is round to see the kids. Will go shopping then I think.

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi Guys
DFS rang to speak to DD this morning to say have a nice 1st day at her new school, he sounded like he was trying not to cry, he spoke to DS as well, who kept saying please come home Daddy, which was horrible. Then he spoke to me & asked me if there was anything I needed him to do, to which I just replied no thanks, said goodbye & that was it.
DS cried when he had to go in to his classroom, but I'm sure he'll be ok.
His Mum has just rung me too, I've told her I'm not playing happy families anymore, he doesn't want to be with us, so now he's not!
I know she'd love us to be back together & like before, she said are you sure about all this? I said he doesn't want me anyway & I'm not going to be lonely!
Hope everyone else is ok, will keep popping on to see if any updates, but as I said, I didn't get much done yesterday & lots to do!
take care folks

Rikki

Its a big step telling other people its over between you. Thats when your finally admitting to yourself its over.

robster1964

Well done Kizzy, I reckon you sent him a strong message that he is not needed. That will give his old ego a bit of a battering.... Well Good! What you have said to his mum will obviously be relayed back aswell..... Good Again...... I reckon the implications of what he is doing are going to start hitting home soon! Of course his mum would love to see you get back together, let's hope that she's the sort of mum, that can convince the fool, of what he has to lose, and that going off with a man beast (my favourite word for the moose!) will ultimatley ruin his relationship with his kids, and alienate the woman that has stuck by him all these years through thick and thin.

I am going to get stuck into the housework aswell today. I was so worried about you yesterday I was on here most of the day, and couldn't concentrate on anything.

SFH and Gert, try to stay strong, I am thinking of you two aswell.

Take Care All

Robster xxx

gerturdeanna

OMFG!! How snobby was she!!! GGGGRRRRRR!!!!
Just had the IS person round, 'oh, well, you seem to have this all orgainsed'!!! Well yes, love!! I'm not effing stupid!!! I have got friends who ahve helped me make decisions with regards to access and who is paying what etc etc and no I'm not trying to scam you. F ME!!!!! STUPID MOOO!!!
F***ING CHECK HIS WARDROBES - theres nothing there!! 'So why has he left now, when he had planned to leave later in September?' Cos he was screwing someone else and I chucked him out. 'So are you filing for divorce' None of your effing business!!!!
Grrrrr!! Annoyed that I've been made to feel like a scammer!! I didn't choose this to happen in my life!!! They had better allow my cliam now or I am royally screwed over!!!!!!

kizzykizzywizzy

OMG Gert, the IS woman I spoke to was lovely, she rang me to do a telephone interview & couldn't have been nicer!
You & SFH seem to had really bad experiences, her with C/TAX & you with IS, I've only had the sorry can't help you brigade.
I can't believe people can be so awful, when it's clearly not your fault.
Might get relayed back through his sister & he still hasn't spoken/ or been to see his mum since the day I found out! but his sister goes & cleans for her on a friday. We'll see.
Not getting much done here, just made myself some lunch as starving, then I will get on - honest!

Rikki

gerturdeanna wrote: »

OMFG!! How snobby was she!!! GGGGRRRRRR!!!!
Just had the IS person round, 'oh, well, you seem to have this all orgainsed'!!! Well yes, love!! I'm not effing stupid!!! I have got friends who ahve helped me make decisions with regards to access and who is paying what etc etc and no I'm not trying to scam you. F ME!!!!! STUPID MOOO!!!
F***ING CHECK HIS WARDROBES - theres nothing there!! 'So why has he left now, when he had planned to leave later in September?' Cos he was screwing someone else and I chucked him out. 'So are you filing for divorce' None of your effing business!!!!
Grrrrr!! Annoyed that I've been made to feel like a scammer!! I didn't choose this to happen in my life!!! They had better allow my cliam now or I am royally screwed over!!!!!!

They can be like this. A friend of mine got a tough grilling too. They just have to be sure you are telling them the truth. You should have no problems.

As for the divorce issue, this has all happened so quickly you haven't had time to think about it. The reason your organised is you have children, you have to be calm and have a routine for them.