Marriage over don't know where to start

trancebabe

Night Gert...
xx

scottishfreebiehunter

Night Gertxxxxxxxxxx

kizzykizzywizzy

I'm off too, only got 5 hours last night.
Hope Pam is OK, will check in, in the morning
Take care girls & boys
Kizzy x

robster1964

Night all, you try to count your blessings, if you can..... If I win euro millions this week.............Ladies I am coming to get you! Money does not solve things....... But it sure gives you more choices.....

Night Girls

Robster xxx

julie2710

GeorgeUK wrote: »

Just take one day at a time Jules. No point in trying to do more than that right now. Try to stay focussed on the important things - your kids and your health. Any questions you can come here and ask - women are meant to lose concentration when pregnant. It's supposed to keep their minds more focussed on the baby.
(Almost got lynched when i mentioned something along thoselines at work. If someone else hadn't heard that a womans brain physically shrinks during pregnancy, i'd have been a goner).

I know there's no point in telling you not to upset yourself over this. You have every right to be upset. There was a mention quite a few pages back about putting some chilli seeds in his underwear drawer though if that makes you feel better.

Does the family know yet or are you keeping everything bottled up?
Feel free to vent here. Plenty of support and information if required.

take care
George

Thanks George! Am trying to be strong for me and my little boy plus the newbie! Monday was crap and spent most the day crying but did get some practical stuff done - found out how much my Colgate share are worth £2K more than I thought!! Got values for endowments I have in case I want to cash those in and they're higher than I thought but am also going to look into selling them as I think I might be able to negotiate a better price if I need to. Looking into some cost savins on my budget before I post everything!

I've been feeling stronger the last couple of days. Confronted him with a list of rules regardin the business, seeing his kid(s) and the forthcoming birth - what I want! He's been looking for a flat today and has hopefully found one so he can bog off soon. Has got rid of the witch form our business and she's expecting me to call her or go round and punch her I think. I'm trying to be more adult than that - let her live in fear!!!

My mum & dad and brother know now, as do my neighbours and a couple of close friends. They've all been great and really supportive. He's told his sisters and they have both been on the phone in tears offering support.

Things can only get better!!!

julie2710

SuziQ wrote: »

One way I differ from some of you other ladies is that I don't need a bloke to be happy. I have always been self supporting (until this year-am having health issues at the moment but hopefully an op will sort that out) I was on my own for almost 5 years after my first marriage broke up and I never worried about (what other man is going to want me' etc. I threw myself into my kids (who needed that at the time more than at any other) and I took on a course to do once they were in bed at night,got myself another qualification and made some new friends for life. I had a demanding interesting job and admittedly I didn't have a social life away from my kids-but that just didn't seem tragic then and it still doesn't now.

There is SOOOOOOOOO much more to life than looking for another man.

If it happens,please make sure that it doesn't impact negatively on your children,as they will be many times more vulnerable than they were before their parents split.

So many women sideline their children somewaht when they start a new relationship,or expect the kids to want what mum wants. Even after the time on my own I had to be very careful to consider what my children wanted too.
Since my second marriage broke up,the closeness in my relationship with my 2 oldest children has made me very aware that my relationship with my second husband made me slightly distant from them-you only have so many hours in the day etc,and if spending time with a new man you are not spending it with your children.

I have realised that I do not need a man to make me happy,or to validate me.
I can't regret my second marriage as it gave me my third child and strengthened my faith,but I do regret that my oldest children have now said that they would have been happier had I never met him. That hurts,I can't take it back and it was only worth it for the reasons I have stated.

Please ladies don't be so quick to jump back into that frying pan! You are all worth so much more than that and so are your kiddies.

If the right man is out there for you he will wait.

I was on my own for 6 years before I eventually got into this marriage - been with him 10 years in total and I spent 6 years refusing to get married. Unfortunately I'm no spring chicken - was 40 this year so at 40 with what will be 2 kids under 4 it's going to be hardwork! The thought of finding/wanting another man (ever!!!!) sounds about as alien as going to Mars on holiday - I have my boys, my family and my friends and that's all I need right now and for the foreseeable future.

Thanks

scottishfreebiehunter

:TI agree Jules let her live in fear wondering when you are going to appear and POW:T:rotfl::rotfl:
You need to keep safe and healthy for baby but one day there time will come:D

Oh and 40 come on it aint that bad I am nexy year scary thought lol

julie2710

gerturdeanna wrote: »

For all those that have been through an affair and come out the other side whichever way it went, did you ask the wheres, when questions? I don't know whether I want to know all the gory details but part of me does think I'll need to know to get over this whichever way it goes.
Your thoughts, please.

I have asked those questions - made him uncomfortable and don't know if I really wanted to know - doesn't make you feel any better when you get an answer and to be honest I don't evn believe any of the answers as he has already lied so much so why would he suddenly start being honest now?

laurasbump

I haven't posted before just lurked, laughed and shed a few tears over your posts. It's refreshing how honest you are. As for asking for details of your OH's affair I personally wouldn't. My ex's 'lady' sent me photos(!!) and details. I'm guessing it was intended to put the final nails in the coffin. It certainly did the trick. It did the trick for her too as he was so angry he dumped her. Devastating back then but I find it quite amusing in restrospect. Time heals.

julie2710

I know it's a naff quote but it's probably really apt in your case Kizzy. It's from the start of that Demi Moore/Robert Redford film where she sleeps with him for a million. It's something like "If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours forever, if it doesn't it was never truly yours to begin with."
Always makes me feel sad when I hear that Thing with me now is my OH has shown me such a complete lack of respect I don't want him to come back and I'd sleep with half the world for free before I ever considered sleeping with him again for a million!!!
Someone suggested I should be hoping he gets something itchy! Oddly enough my job is selling something that treats genital warts!!!!
Try and keep smiling for the kids. Write a list of what you want and work through it with him like and agenda. That's what I did and that way he can't sidetrack you so you end up getting upset and not sorting out what you really wanted to say!