Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

You're right Rikki
I've just had another wake up call, no reason, I just have thought to myself, like the many other times, why am i torturing myself - he doesn't want me. I don't know if I can trust him again. So why do I keep going back to the same old ground?
It's because we had a nice time, so with distance I might get through this, saying that, I really do think he'll have to see the kids before next friday, for thier sakes.
I could do with him looking after them this Friday as have the doctors again to argue my case for the life insurance refusal, due to me fainting, & DD has beavers that day, I might not get out in time?? Don't really want to ring him though.
Might ask him if he rings to speak to kids later, not sure whether he is or not, see we didn't discuss that either.
i think we are going to have to go to some kind of mediation as i just don't know what's acceptable & I can't cope talking to him as I get too upset & start going on about the moose.

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks SL, the job was real donkey work for really poor money, it also only meant I met a few women, one of which was a bit horrible to me, when she felt like it. The other girls were lovely though & I do miss them.
I need to do something that gives me a bit of self esteem, sweeping & mopping floors, washing up & lifting tables & chairs was although a great workout, not great for me, I just felt that other people at the school, reception teachers etc, looked down on me & treated me as though I was a bit thick, rather than a Mum trying to get a few quid together, & have a job that fits in with school.
I'm not really up to looking at the moment, but I really can't be at home all the time & never expected to be, so I don't know what the future holds, but I won't be sat on my behind doing nothing, that's for sure.

Skint_Lynne

Where is he staying just now, is he still at the SIL's? I have missed some posts, is he casting up about staying in the house now? (Wondering cause you were talking about a private rental place).

I wish it could all be magiced away for you, why do people do these things? Is it really all worth it for an extra $hag?? I think not.

SL x

Skint_Lynne

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Thanks SL, the job was real donkey work for really poor money, it also only meant I met a few women, one of which was a bit horrible to me, when she felt like it. The other girls were lovely though & I do miss them.
I need to do something that gives me a bit of self esteem, sweeping & mopping floors, washing up & lifting tables & chairs was although a great workout, not great for me, I just felt that other people at the school, reception teachers etc, looked down on me & treated me as though I was a bit thick, rather than a Mum trying to get a few quid together, & have a job that fits in with school.
I'm not really up to looking at the moment, but I really can't be at home all the time & never expected to be, so I don't know what the future holds, but I won't be sat on my behind doing nothing, that's for sure.

I so hate ratbags that look down their nose at people. Last year, my wee nephew was born and I wanted to keep up a family tradition. My nana used to buy every baby that was born a real wool tartan shawl. I went into a posh shop in glasgow looking for one, they didn't really have what I was looking for, so I asked an assistant, she said, oh one of those would cost you £100, are you sure you can afford it dear, in one of those patronising voices. Admittedly, I was looking a bit rough,(it was a sunday morning), but I gave her whats for and went down to Frasers for one. I went back into the shop and showed her the nice shawl I got in another establishment. I am a never judge a book by it's cover type of person.

You probably have more intelligence than all of these idiots put together. You'll get a great job when you feel like it, believe me!!!

SL x

gerturdeanna

Round here there are plenty of office jobs that do 10-2 but then school hols wouldn't be covered.

kizzykizzywizzy

Yes still at SIL's, though she said last time I spoke to her that he can't stay much longer, though what that means, I don't know.
He still says he'll pay the mortgage, but when we row, he threatens that he won't!!! Usual rubbish.
Well kids are fed, going to stick them in the bath in a minute.
I put on 2lbs over the weekend, I ate so much, probably because I was happy, although everyone that saw me today, without knowing what's been happening kept telling me how much weight I'd lost!
Had an invite for coffee on friday with another friend, so I'm trying to keep busy.

basketcase

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

I honestly don't know what to do for the best - I just don't want this life.
I hate it, I hate being on my own with the kids, I hate being lonely all the time. I hate not having someone who loves me. I hate not having someone to share the kids with, who loves them as much as I do.
I really really wish I could go to sleep & never wake up, I know that sounds stupid, when I know how lucky I am to have 2 lovely children, I just really can't live without him & don't want to live without him.
Yes I'm stupid letting him sleep in the bed, I just don't know what to do, I haven't had this happen before, even though he's told me over & over it's a no go, I can't give up on him. How can i just get over 21 years with someone?
Whatever am i going to do?

Poor Kizzy, I do feel for you.

As for 'the bold red bits' I always found when I was missing him that the vision of him 'at it like rabbits' with The Floozie - in my bed!! - brought me back down to earth. (Elderly mother 350 miles away, meant I had to go away every so often and TF came over before my side of the bed was cold).

He plainly wasn't missing DD and me when we weren't there. Although I could be mistaken... Maybe, at the crucial moment, he cried out "Oh G-d! Oh G-d! I miss basketcase and DD!!" :rotfl:

You're not stupid at all!

kizzykizzywizzy

You make me laugh basketcase, the way you put things!
It's things like the fact he texts her & rings her on a phone that has his childrens pictures on it & probably sh$gged her in a cabin with the smiling faces of his children in pictures on the side. The fact that I apologised to him months ago for suspecting something as he started getting snappy with me, I said didn't you feel bad that I was apologising to you & YOU WERE CHEATING? He said of course I did, not that bad obviously!
Right I really want to phone - I'm even thinking of excuses to ring his Sister!!

Rikki

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Right I really want to phone - I'm even thinking of excuses to ring his Sister!!

Why do you want to phone?

He's seeing the children when you planned leave it as that.

kizzykizzywizzy

I know, I just do, I won't but I want to.
Also I have exhausted my friend supply & SIL is actually a good friend.
I don't need to speak to him.
Also I'm worried what he's now said to her about access, probably painted a very pretty picture of me!