Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks, I'm hoping it's the right thing to do.

Going to bed now, thanks for all the advice folks & night, night xx

Hope the other girlies have a good nights sleep

chevalier

Ok ladies here is my 5c worth!

I think that you ALL need to have some space from your OH's. Because I think you need to gather your thoughts. And NONE of you can do this, if your OH's are continually intruding.

So kizzy, I would say that for now he has them after school on a night. And that he has them for some time over the weekend. But make it clear that this can get to be more if he gets himself somewhere they can stay over. But at the moment this is the deal.

Gert I think you need some space, because I am not sure that your OH deserves another chance. How sad is it that it is only when his bit on the sides fiancee tries to top himself that he realises what he is doing. Either way if you do decide to go for another try, I still think he needs to move out. So that you can be SURE you want him back. It will give him an indication of what life would be like if he doesn't pull his finger out, and go to relate etc, does all the jumping through hoops etc.

And Gert you were saying about it being a new start, ie new home, job for him new area BUT WHY SHOULD YOU ALL HAVE TO MOVE COS HE HAS MESSED UP? You would be moving away from YOUR support network in real life, the children would be moving away from their friends and schools etc. So no I am not sure that this wouldn't make you MORE ISOLATED and dependant on him. So stay where you are and if it is going to work then it will work anyway.

SFH I think you need some space for yourself and your son. I am sure that you two can get by on your own for a bit. Make it that the next contact (ie on the phone etc) has to be instigated by him. Let him do the running around.

As for the others (sorry brain has forgotten the names), space won't hurt any of your situations either.

To the lady whose OH cheated with the secretary and you have found out with two weeks to go to you having your baby. Words fail me they truely do.

scottishfreebiehunter

Cheers Chev ,I didnt call him last night and he is meant to be coming up today to see ds after school,I would normally call him to ask what time etc but not going to do that will wait and see if he appears ,my fingers will find it hard to stay away from the phone.
My ds will have to go back into own room as I am finding it hard to sleep so a few rough nights ahead I think.

Kizzy I agree it is hard to decide how often to see etc,the idiot I am married to is further away so he is only up twice a week and next week nothing as working everyday,though do not let him walk in as if owes place as mines does lol,though he does own house lol.
The phone calls will be early evening as then causes less upset to my son,and if he wishes to choose some s l ut who likes married men over us then begger him
Didnt text anything nasty last night either so getting somewhere,and it is playing into there hands if i do.
Ds getting reading for school so hopefully no calls from them today
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Kizzy hope all goes well at schoolxx

gerturdeanna

We have agreed times for the children to see dad as tues/thurs evenings from school to bedtime and overnight Sat till teatime on Sunday. As he hasn't got his own place yet, overnights will be taken here, with him sleeping on the sofa and me at my mums.
Moving areas would not bother me at all. My real-life support network is in the next town anyway. Childrean are only in the first year or primary when they start next week so moving them wouldn't be a problem. We have discussed moving before and the house has been on the market for 6 months, maybe its time now to really make a move on 'moving'. Obv tis not going to happen overnight, none of it...and I haven't made a definate decision either way yet. One day and one step at a time.

Pollycat

Hi Kizzy and welcome back here.
Is your OH saying he’s not happy about the offer you made i.e. 4 hours Friday & 2 hours Sunday?
If he’s still living with his sister I think you need to decide if it’s appropriate for them to spend any nights away from you.
Is there room for them to sleep properly in bedrooms?

You’ll need to bear in mind that they’ll be at school during the week and to spend nights with him during the week may be seriously disturbing for them as well as possibly inconvenient for your OH to drop them off at school (depending on where he’s living and the location of the school(s).

Re the physical contact between you and your OH, I think this guy is seriously messing with your head, either by accident or design.
Holding hands with and wanting hugs from a partner that you’ve cheated on whilst the relationship with the ‘other person’ is still on just does not sound 'normal' to me.
Does anyone else find this behaviour weird?


Hi Gert
Well done on sorting out arrangements for the kids, I hope things go smoothly.

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi he came & walked DS to school with me, I didn't talk to him, just to say hello. He said Am I coming back? to which I said no, so off he went, he said Have a nice day, I said yes & that was it.
So now DD & I are going to go food shopping & go to the pet shop & to see a friend & go to the park later.
He was nice to me again & I was horrible curt & blunt & childish

bunty109

Kizzy, you were curt and blunt, but hardly childish given what you are going through. He CAN'T have his cake and eat it. He CANNOT be your friend one minute and taunt you the next. I'm not saying it's the way it should be forever, but you've every right to be like this with him now.

I really don't see how giving him a taste of your medicine when he's being so hot and cold towards you is going to do anything other than show him you won't be messed around.....

scottishfreebiehunter

:rotfl:K you make me laughxxxxxxxxxxx in a good way of course

He to me sounds so different to mine as I have said to you before,sounds as if he does not know what he wants and treat him mean keep him keen etc and if he gets his stupid head sorted then hopefully you can work it out.
If not get shot of him as you deserve better:D

I am awaiting sons guidance teacher calling again as have to advise her of any upset and what have you,great isnt it that we are left with all the pieces to pick up:mad:

Pollycat

He was nice to me again & I was horrible curt & blunt & childish

Oh, Kizzy
No! No! No! You are so wrong about this.

He shouldn't have asked to come back to the house YOU are now living in with the children without him purely because of his selfish actions.

He really needs to understand that at this point in time, you simply CANNOT play happy families.
It's not possible for you, it's unfair to the children and it's totally unreasonable of him to expect it. :mad:

Do not DARE to put yourself down in this way, you've behaved with dignity throughout all of this.
Us ladies here will simply not allow you to feel you've not treated him in the way he deserves.

Curt? Blunt? Childish?
I think he's lucky that you are even speaking to him.

Shineyhappy

Have you thought about being more aloof than curt?

When he asks "Can I come over?" you could reply "Sorry I am busy, another time maybe"

Let him see that you are getting on with your life and that its way better without him.

I think you do need to be very careful of him messing with your head and come up with some ground rules and stick to them.