Marriage over don't know where to start

OberonSH

In the ideal world, David Tennant would lift the restraining order......

Seriously Gurt - take it steady. Slow and steady. If you're set on this, really make sure you're on the same page, as sometimes I think most men are not even looking at the same book, let alone the same page! Start dating again. I wouldn't let him back lock stock; yes he might be very sorry. He might hate himself, but he might just be in shock, and embarrassed now it's in the open. Besides, if it's going to work, you've got all the time in the world. You won't be able to erase it completely, but at least you can try and work past it. Might work, then all to the good. Might not, then we'll all still be here to offer sympathy and sharp implements.

SFH - the guy's a louse. Not even a louse, because you can get some lovely lotions to get rid of them. The guy has shown his true colours, so respect his wishes and freeze him out. This isn't going to help your littl'un, so you take over, and next time he asks, you're doing really well cheers. If he won;t come to an agreement about when he sees your lad, then stuff him. I mean that to protect yourself and your boy. Start taking care of yourself. Like I said - start thinking about teh stuff you can now do. Aussie beckons, and there's a shed load of planning to be done. See that light? That's your spanky new life, waiting for you to be brave enough to say 'You know what Phil/Ed/Tosswit - you were a very lucky man to get with me, you blew it, and guess what? You suck big floppy donkey butt, and I'm getting the hell out of Dodge'

Just don;t forget to check the legalese around taking the boy abroad without his say-so; don't want to scare you but he can put a spanner in the works, so get it checked out - we're going through an adoption right now (uncontested by my disgusting nutjob of an ex) so my hubby can have full rights to the daughter he loves, and when we get on that one way flight (which the 80's toys my ex left with me is paying for) he can't have a sudden change of heart and yank her back.

kizzykizzywizzy

OMG gert, sorry I wasn't around, when you probably needed me as much as I needed you the other night biggest hugs ever, the only positive is you now know what you are dealing with, this was a big relief to me.
Also he's remorseful so you never know something positive may come of this, I really hope that whatever you want happens. I know you love him & your kids love him, just do what you are happy with.
Ex stayed before we went away came in after the mad evening of me wanting to top myself I was on the computer he squeezed my shoulders & kissed me on the head! & that night slept in my bed:rolleyes: excuse was he was cuddling DD & fell asleep, well she was between us so acted as a wall!
We had a lovely time at A T, we went to the snow dome on the first day & went toboganing well me being a bit mad I zoomed down the slope me & DD & just couldn't turn at all took Ex & DS out & flew up the side of the slope Ex's tobogan hit me in the head huge bump:eek: the blackest bruise ever on thigh hurts to sit down & blue bruise on arm grazed wrist & bruised finger - everyone else was ok:rotfl: must go again sometime:D no it was fun! Kids didn't sleep all that night - again they slept on sofa bed & matress bed & Ex was in with me - still no touching! Kids really wouldn't sleep, so had a go at him as I get this every night & it's wearing me out DS used to go to bed 7.30 no problems, now he's terrible DD has always been a pain as she used to sleep in with us as a baby, didn't make that mistake with DS. He didn't argue back & kids eventually went to sleep. In the morning he smiled at me & held my hand in bed!!

Went to A T had a really great time, no arguments, I was tired after, let him get kids to sleep, they were tired, so no real problems, then DD got in with us! so he got out & slept on sofa bed as more room.
Stopped off at Warwick castle on the way home, was OK, free with passes also broke up the journey, went for an italian, really nice, just got on really well, thing is all the time in the back of my mind is that he's in love with the moose. He was really nice all weekend, but he's still cheating & he still obviously doesn't want to be with me.
Got home unpacked, put all his washing in 2 carrier bags left them by the front door had a couple of drinks, he was still being ok, but kids wouldn't go to bed & he was letting them watch more cartoons, so I just said, NO they go to bed now & I got really mad, the kids started crying & i passed him his coat & said - just go & he said, no I'll get them to bed, I said no, because they will go to bed & then they won't sleep, so I'll be up for hours, so no point, he said I'll stay a couple of hours then, I said no, why would you want to stay with me, you hate me & can't stand to be in the same room as me!
He said, see you in the morning then ( he's taking DS for 1st day with me ) I said if you can be bothered, he said what's wrong with you, of course I can be bothered ( well what was wrong is booze went straight to my head!! ) so as he's walking out the door, I'm shouting f off w a n k e r!!:rotfl:
OMG feel a prat now!! I honestly don't know how he can act as though nothing has happened, i can & would, if he wasn't still ringing the moose, but not whilst it's still going on.
Chip - as for leaving it 12 months to find someone else, that worked for you, but I've waited long enough for some love & affection, so if it came along I wouldn't say no

gerturdeanna

I'm glad the weekend away was good and you sound really positive again tonight Kizzy. Don't worry about letting off steam, we all need to do it!!
I'm off to bed now, cos I think if I stay up longer I'll stay up too long again (and plus there is no booze upstairs!!)
Night all

Chip_Hazard

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Chip - as for leaving it 12 months to find someone else, that worked for you, but I've waited long enough for some love & affection, so if it came along I wouldn't say no

Its your call, Kizzy, like others have said it's down to you in the end.

This will be my last post here. I'll start saying stuff that will sound worse coming from a man than if one of the other ladies say it so rather than offend Kizzy / Gert, it's probably best that I don't say it at all. Each day that passes on this thread, I find myself biting my lip harder and harder and for two days I unsubscribed from the thread so it wasn't looking at me each time I logged in.

Sorry, Kizzy, that I can't be more help. If you want to PM me feel free.

scottishfreebiehunter

Night gert hope you get a sleepxxxxxxx

Chip I for one do see where you are coming from and feel free to post as you have been through the mill also,its maybe just the fact everyone different and it is the adult company I miss as well,yes its tough being here alone with my child though many do it.
But still irritates me that this so called human being who worshipped his son and did everything with has walked away.


Kizzy sounds like a good weekend and youa re being positive,we will all have our moments but will get strongerxxxx

Just read the no touching made me chuckle lolxx

scottishfreebiehunter

;)Oberonsh checked it all out with solicitor and told can go and do holidays no probs though oh said oh you need a break tw it t wa t t w it :mad::mad::mad::mad:

First night have never gave him dogs abuse so I must be learning,thing is feeling really run down and shattered and the only one getting hurt here is my son and I not him
xxxxxxxxx

kizzykizzywizzy

Rang Ex as DS could not sleep at all & was crying for Daddy for the millionth time!! I have had enough, I get no sleep he does whatever he likes & still sees the kids whenever & I put up with all the fallout.
he spoke to DS & eventually he's got to sleep, he's supposed to be walking DS to school with me for 1st day, he is also supposed to be doing the same for DD, though he's never bothered in the past!!!!!
Anyway as to not upset DS he is coming tomorrow, he said he'd come early I said, why?, he said to help him get ready, I said you've never helped before & you won't be here to help for the next 10 years or so, so no thanks, he's meeting us down the road now!! His idea - weirdo
I spoke to DD & said Daddy can't see you as much as it's upsetting you both as you think this is what it's going to be like & I'm afraid it can't be, do you mind if he doesn't take you on Thursday? she said no that's ok as long as I see him tomorrow, I said he's only coming to walk DS to school then he's going, she said OK. I told him this & he cried, I feel horrible, but I haven't exactly stopped him seeing them & I did say it would have to be a lot less when they go to school, also they are just so mixed up.
I said he can see them next Friday 4 hours, pick them up from school take her to beavers & son to park & 2 hours Sunday, he then started spouting off about taking me to court for access, I said this is about them, not you!
He said what about if you want to go out, I won't look after them, I just said, fine I'll get someone else if you want to be funny.
Christ I've said I'm happy for him to look after them on top of this time, i just want to get them settled, as when he was at sea, we had a great routine & were fine & now they are completely disrupted.
I said did you not think about the consequences for them when you did what you did, he said I thought they'd be happier without us arguing - this drives me mad as we didn't argue, just bickered from time to time, I can't remember the last argument, before all this, now we are always arguing - over the phone, or hopefully when they can't hear, but they are bound to.
I just don't know what to do for the best - I don't want to be stupid & stop them seeing him, I don't want to upset them ( couldn't care less about how he feels! ) BUT, I can't do the happy families thing, as although we had fun - it's a lie & although he managed to live one I can't, it's not fair on me & i can't see them being abandoned over & over.
I don't know how to explain this to him, without him saying I'm bitter & twisted, which is what he says. Advice please, also what is reasonable access?

kizzykizzywizzy

Anyone??????????

Keeping_Motivated

Hi Kizzy

You sound like you are taking control and doing whats best for the children to me. What does he think is fair access that also takes into account how confusing/unsettling it can be for them at the moment?

He is definately wrong keep holding hands etc I just don't know where he is coming from with all that?! Its selfish, as he is not thinking of what its doing to you at all!

skint_spice

Hi Kizzy, my ex has DS every other weekend from fri night to sun night and sees him a night during the week. Seems to vary between folks but depends where he is - at the mo yours obviously couldn't have them over night.

It will get easier, I promise.