Marriage over don't know where to start

gerturdeanna

Thanks for all the comments - yes I was drunk and emotional. Today is another day(when it begins!!). I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep properly. I keep feeling physically sick, can't stop thinking about them together. Blurgh!! Am not going to drink tomorrow - my kids need me now more than ever. I cannot stop loving him at teh drop of a hat, and he tells me he still loves me and he is very very sorry for what he has done. I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive but like I've been told, one step at a time. Going to try and sleep again now.

Chip_Hazard

SuziQ wrote: »

One way I differ from some of you other ladies is that I don't need a bloke to be happy. I have always been self supporting (until this year-am having health issues at the moment but hopefully an op will sort that out) I was on my own for almost 5 years after my first marriage broke up and I never worried about (what other man is going to want me' etc. I threw myself into my kids (who needed that at the time more than at any other) and I took on a course to do once they were in bed at night,got myself another qualification and made some new friends for life. I had a demanding interesting job and admittedly I didn't have a social life away from my kids-but that just didn't seem tragic then and it still doesn't now.

There is SOOOOOOOOO much more to life than looking for another man.

If it happens,please make sure that it doesn't impact negatively on your children,as they will be many times more vulnerable than they were before their parents split.

So many women sideline their children somewaht when they start a new relationship,or expect the kids to want what mum wants. Even after the time on my own I had to be very careful to consider what my children wanted too.
Since my second marriage broke up,the closeness in my relationship with my 2 oldest children has made me very aware that my relationship with my second husband made me slightly distant from them-you only have so many hours in the day etc,and if spending time with a new man you are not spending it with your children.

I have realised that I do not need a man to make me happy,or to validate me.
I can't regret my second marriage as it gave me my third child and strengthened my faith,but I do regret that my oldest children have now said that they would have been happier had I never met him. That hurts,I can't take it back and it was only worth it for the reasons I have stated.

Please ladies don't be so quick to jump back into that frying pan! You are all worth so much more than that and so are your kiddies.

If the right man is out there for you he will wait.

A quite brilliant post, SuziQ. I've highlighted the comments I agree with most. Have also sent you a PM but your inbox is full!!

I've kept out of this argument pretty much - as a bloke, it seems strange commenting on a thread which is anti-men, and before you say "it's just our men", I do realise this. However Suzi makes some cracking points about getting back into a relationship again and learning to cope alone.

I split up with the twins mum 3/4 years ago and it was two years plus before I started going out with someone else. It felt like long enough at the time but it wasn't really and the relationship foundered mainly due to her lying and infedilty. I vowed then not to rush back into a relationship and I haven't, we split up nine months ago and I have not even looked in that time.

Being in a relationship has so many down points that I have decided to stay single until the boys are much older. I came back yesterday from two nights at Devon Cliffs Holiday Park with them; great fun, they're wonderful company and fun to be around. We feed off each other, we're wonderful mates and that bond will never be broken. I firmly believe that it just wouldn't be as strong if there was a significant other on the scene.

No woman in the world would want me at present and I'm very happy with that indeed, makes me smile. I'd be the first type of bloke that some women would go for but I'll be the last person to actually get a woman and that's how I like it.

I feel uncomfortable at the advice handed out re new partners and flirting. I'm going to sound like a killjoy here and say it shouldn't be happening. The three main women who this thread is about should be concentrating on rebuilding their shattered lives and give themselves a 12-month break from men altogether. I know you'll say it is only for an ego boost and to prove you "still have it" but you don't need to. The bloke who's doing the flirting / texting is worth more than being just used if he has no idea what's going on...

The life you build with your kids can be ten times better than with a partner, no, make that a hundred times actually. Not one of you actually need a man to get through life, leave them alone. Your kids should be first, second and third in all this; a happy, uncluttered, sorting-themselves-out mum is more use to them than one who is constantly on the prowl for a new bloke.:o

scottishfreebiehunter

;)bloke been texting me knows whats going on in my life and no one going to get hurt as not going anywhere,see where you are coming from though ,but I know for sure I am not in the market for any man in the near future and my son will always come first with me always!!
And not texting anymore but was worth a laugh at the time as not had a laugh for a long time
Again he always has done and very easy for my oh just to drop him like a tonne of bricks
His asthma kicked in again last night due to all stress and was wanting my oh I let him phone and guess what he said to me what do you expect me to do I am to far away get a grip and get on with it.
In future will now allow my ds to call him if upset as not interested one wee bit which is very sad.

Thing is there fathers are doing as they please and why should they be allowed to come along and just slot into there lives after being so disgusting.

scottishfreebiehunter

kizzy not sure if youre little one starts school today?and do not want to call you just now,please let us know how you are,fingers crossed you had good timexxx

Keeping_Motivated

Don't think Kizzy is back til today as they stayed Sunday and Monday night I think?

Anyway not much time now so I'll catch up with you all later. Take care.

scottishfreebiehunter

Cheers KM xxx couldnt remember


Hanging on phone to child benefit unreal ,got through how unhelpful are they grumpy gits:rotfl:

trancebabe

Gotta agree with Suziq and Chip about the waiting to jump in again... I waited 18 months and I wasn't looking for someone even then, it just happened and Suzi is right, he had to wait a long time before I was ready.

In that 18 months, my daughter and I had a blast in our bachelorette flat, we really got close during that time (she was 5) and haven't lost that closeness since, I loved her snuggling up to me in the night when she couldn't sleep and the harmony we shared there was wonderful because there was no tension, just us. I didn't care that her Dad could have been out on the razz with god knows who... I was having something that money couldn't buy, and couldn't be repeated!

She's a teenager now and a beautiful well balanced young woman.

You really get out of kids what you put in... probably my best investment to date!

scottishfreebiehunter

Trancebabexxxxxxxxxx
You made me cry as that is lovely what you have said,my ds was cuddled up in my bed last night and he said to me this morning mummy I love you and high five as its me and you going to have fun:rotfl::T

trancebabe

scottishfreebiehunter wrote: »

Trancebabexxxxxxxxxx
You made me cry as that is lovely what you have said,my ds was cuddled up in my bed last night and he said to me this morning mummy I love you and high five as its me and you going to have fun:rotfl::T

yeah... that unconditional love stuff makes you go warm inside...!

Wonderful - enjoy every minute of him while he's small hun... they grow up in a flash!:T

scottishfreebiehunter

Yipxx

I know I have been trying to get him into his own bed since his dad left beginning of August though finding it hard,though will have to persevere though for now he needs his mummy for sure as a difficult time for him starting High School etc ,though touch wood seems to have fitted in well therex