Marriage over don't know where to start

kellywelly_2

Hi Kizzy

I have just briefly read this thread through and I am appalled by the way your ex is treating you. What a rollercoaster ride you have been on.
You have had loads of fantastic advice here just proves what a great bunch of folk can be here, despite what some other threads lead you believe !
My ex dumped me and our kids over a year ago now and at first I was devastated, could not believe it and even worse they lived together just a short distance away from me so chance of me bumping in to them together all the time were a high possibility. At first I was like you and thought he may realise the error of his ways and come back but he saw this and started treating me similar to the way your ex did with you getting my hopes up one minute and then treating me like dirt the next, so one day it just hit me like a brick, I could not believe the place I was at, so low depressed and did not think I could make it through anymore days unless I shook myself up and that is what I did.
First and I know you put your kids first and always should but I ignored his calls and texts for 3 weeks as it dawned on me that when he did see the kids he used these opportunities to have play with my mind. Strange thing was that when he had ready access to the kids he alll but ignoed them as I don't think his new partner was too happy with him coming to our house but when I cut him off so to speak I was getting calls and texts everyday asking if he could see them and some were very abusive too I might add. I aslo got some texts from her saying how horrible I was to ignore him so I can only assume he was giving her a hard time over it lol.
I took this time to get myself and the kids together it was like detox for us all if you like, I explained to the kids exactly what was going on and that as soon as I could sort it out properly they could see dad on set days a week, they seemed to totally get this and were quite contented, then I put all my efforts into building mine and my kids relationship and making it as strong as it could possibly be and believe me it was strong enough already, we did so much together, and nothing that cost loads of money either, we went to farms, long walks, the park etc always taking packed lunches very mse lol, we all had a great time and I found the inner child in me again, the part of me that realised all the opportunities that were still available to me and you'd be amazed at how funny it is trying to stop a goat from eating all the food and the bag it was in, oh and seesaws, great fun.
With each day my relationship with my kids grew even stronger but better still my relationship with me grew so strong as well. I became a new revitalised person realising that just because I was a single person that had been dumped on it didn't make me a loser and a failure, I have great kids, a nice home and a new found love of life that I lost appreciation for years ago.
After 3 weeks I allowed kids to see him once a week, but I have tbh they seem to have lost interest in him, they say he is no fun and to top it all off he is still pestering me also and I mean in the I miss you can I see you way although he is still with the woman he dumped me for!
I think he realises, I have it all not him, I have kids who love me without question, a nice home and all the freedom in the world to do as I like. I can go out when I like, which he hates, its so funny how he sulks when I go out he tries to punish me by changing days or times to see kids, what he dosn't realise it that it dosn't bother the kids and as long as they are not upset then its fine by me.
I am not sure what his relationship is like with his new woman but I do know that he does not have freedom as I was told this by someone who knows her quite well apparently she realises that he cheated on me with her and and could do it to her so watches him like a hawk, but obviously dosn't check his sent messages on his phone or she would not be a happy lady and she has kids as well so I suppose he has to be like a dad to them also so he has a lot of commitments.
I guess most folk who cheat are caught up in the excitement but don't realise that the reality is nowhere the same as they had thought.
I on the other had hand can honsetly say I am thankful for waht has happened to me, I love the person I have become, more positive, more outgoing, wiling to try new things and all this makes me a better mother to my kids.
I have been on my own for over a year now and I am loving it, don't get me wrong I don't wish to remain on my own but I am also never taking back the cheat no matter how he begs and I am keeping my eyes open all the time because after all a girl has needs but as a result of the strong person I am now I will be very choosy of the next person I date, he will have to be fun, love kids of course extremly cute and at least 10 years younger than me to keep up with me and the kids lol.
Kizzy and everyone else that been recently dumped on from a great height it does get better and I am living proof, I lost most of my friends when I first split with my ex as they were mainly joint friends and seemed to be uncomfortable round me The Single Woman threat I suppose, so I just made all new friends as to treat me like that they were obviously not real friends at all.
My advice is be true to yourself, live your life for you and your kids put yourself first over and above everyone because if you are not happy then your kids will suffer as a result.
Lots of love xxx

kellywelly_2

Gosh my spelling is rubbish above lol, think I need to go back to school as well.

kimlisa66

Hey Kizzy

What a total t))ser he is....personally I would have told him to shove Alton Tower's up his slimy ar)se....he is a bullying control freak, playing god with your emotions and using the kids to do it by pretending to play happy families.

The hard truth is there is no happy family now thanks to him and his desire to comit bestiality with the moose.

I had this with my Ex, exactly the same scenario, the bullying, the hateful, spiteful comments, the messing with my head etc etc.

Its time to take back control and get tough with the evil slimeball. I would get back to that solicitor and get something sent to him in writing setting out the boundaries regarding property and child contact. None of this toing and froing when it bloody suits him.

All he is doing is filling his time until the Moose!!!!! comes off that ship, if you think he has shown his true colours now, you wait, he will get a whole lot worse, trust me.

Sorry to come across as harsh, but he is treating you like a bloody doormat. Stop letting him wipe his feet on you and show him you mean business. The past is the past, gone, done, thanks to him, but you have the rest of your life to look forward to. Do not let that spiteful, shameless snake stop you living it to the full.

Kim xx

chevalier

Hi Kizzy
I hope that you had a civil day with EX and that the children enjoyed themselves.

BUT was a fcuking banker!:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: Sorry I don't usually swear, not even in real life, but when I read what he had said to you, and how that had made you feel, I mentally turned the air blue on your behalf.

Defo what the others have said. This is the LAST TIME that this will happen. When he comes around next tell him that you expect his things out of the house within 7 days, otherwise you will put them in storage - in the garden with some plastic over them :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

SFH I hope that you are your DS are doing ok this week.

Gert I am glad that OH took them to the wedding, he probably realised that everyone would be pleased to see them, and so he would have an easy time of it anyway.......

and Gert seriously I am worried about your liver, I think you should be too. Sorry
chev

gerturdeanna

Feel ill!! Need bacon!! can't type anymore - need more beer!!

kimlisa66

Gert

2 paracetamol and a pint of water every hour.....and a bacon sarnie or a cooked breakfast...that's the cure anyway, the prevention, well, you know the answer to that lololol

Been there too many times myself to sit in judgement :-)

K x

Ps added you to my facebook

scottishfreebiehunter

seriously cannot type,talk or move :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

Went out with a girl I met few months ago and she can drink and think I had her mate and he is 30 clicking onto me :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::T
They were buying us drink all night so that was fine,then we went to club to many diddies in there for me so came home and now suffering big time

KM needed it but will not be doing that in a hurry againxx

gerturdeanna

Think OH has been cheating on me since before xmas!! !!!!!! do I do now?

scottishfreebiehunter

gerturdeanna wrote: »

Think OH has been cheating on me since before xmas!! !!!!!! do I do now?

gertixxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

do not torture yourself as not worth it as all sorts gone through my head,onwards and upwards and we have to show them we do not care as much as we do,and take them to the cleaners

scottishfreebiehunter

:eek::eek::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:got text from the guy saying good night eh


Couldnt remember where he got my number but mate had gave me it to try and get him into club as was full etc etc
Not going anywhere with this but makes you feel good,as No 1-to young,No 2-been with mate and very friendly with her and last but not least not in the market for men for a long time