Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

I'm just so mad with myself for showing my weakness again, I was so strong yesterday.
He said to me are you so sad & lonely that you are worried about my life as you don't have one - this coming from the love of my life

kizzykizzywizzy

gert can u pm your number I've deleted it by accident

gettingbetter

ermmmmmmmmmmmm sad and lonely i dont think so

has he looked in the mirror lately ???????????????

kas x

Fidget21

Kizzy

I'm off to bed now, the vino has taken effect. But, you have to believe in yourself and know that whatever he does, you and the kids will be okay. Even if you end up in your worse case scenario, you will be fine. I know this isn't what you had planned for yourself, but you have to let that go and concentrate on being strong for now. I think deep down something about you coping without him while he was away has triggered somwthing in him to behave the way he has been. But you can cope without him and he will learn to understand this. What you don't want is for him to have the moose and you, and as he has made the decision on this front all you can do is show you are happy to go along with it.

Stay strong this weekend and unless he begs on his knees and in tears, make him sleep on the floor.

Love to you.

Fidgsterama. xx

Keeping_Motivated

He gets nasty Kizzy coz, as is becoming obvious, he expects you to 'put up and shut up' and suffer in silence. Any signs of a reaction to his selfish behaviour and he is getting nasty to shut you up.

The best thing you can do now is say it how it is and if he doesn't like it and becomes nasty then stay as calm as possible and say something like

'I realise now that you have to get nasty coz you must absolutely hate yourself for what you have done to me and your own children, you realise you are now flawed and this will always be part of how me and your children and your family see you and you are trying to reflect it onto me, well no more, its YOUR stuff YOUR guilt YOUR actions and when I get over the shock and stop hurting I will be able to sleep like a baby and look my children in the eyes knowing that I tried my absolute damndest to keep their parents together BUT you on the other hand will walk around a flawed character for the rest of your life NOW YOU GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON YOU SAD WEAK LITTLE MAN!!!!!!!!'

Will you remember all that

Edited to say and by the way make sure you say something similar EVERY time he gets nasty so he will soon realise that his anger/bullying will not get him out of the fact he has committed a horrific act to his wife and children so he will have to deal with it in another fashion. He actually doesn't deserve any other response to his anger than this repeated over and over (in my opinion).

KM x

Fidget21

I can only click thanks on KM once, but that post deserves 10 times thanks.

Why do you always say what's in my head better than I can?

Buffythedebtslayer

Kizzy, you are not an idiot.

You really aren't. You loved some one, some one who sadly doesn't exist now. Its what everyone does, and you know what it works out for so few people in this world. and you gave it a shot. So be proud of the fact that you gave him every chance and you loved with all your heart. I know its all been said before here. but it needs saying again because with his cruel cruel words he has made you believe lies about your self.

and they are lies kizzy. you can't just be expected to move on, you must grieve for what you have lost. And you have lost a lot but you haven't lost everything.

The hardest thing to realise when change comes painfully and out of no where is that it can bring eventually something better. It can be a long time coming but the wheel is always turning.

And tomorrow for your lovely kids you will have a holiday a last holiday as a family. it will be the hardest thing but if you really want to do it you will get through it. (I'd still go with sending him with the kids to give yourself a minute!)

So go look great, enjoy your children having fun at Alton towers but know when you come home the shutters come down and YOU make plans for YOU.

access, the house, whether or not you work, exactly what he will pay and when he will see them.

when you are there tomorrow and the pain stabs you you think, in fact you know you are taking control here and it WILL NOT hurt that bad again.

and make sure my number is in your phone, cos I always send the odd text to make him wonder what you are up to!

xxxxxxxxxxxx massive hugs and sorry for making you cry before. I just wish I could do more. like kick him REALLY hard. xxxxxxxxxx

Keeping_Motivated

Fidget21 wrote: »

I can only click thanks on KM once, but that post deserves 10 times thanks.

Why do you always say what's in my head better than I can?

Thank you Fidget but I feel that when I read everyone elses posts too.

KM x

peaceandfreedom

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

I'm just so mad with myself for showing my weakness again, I was so strong yesterday.
He said to me are you so sad & lonely that you are worried about my life as you don't have one - this coming from the love of my life

Hi Kizzy,

I've been following this thread from the start, with increasing dismay but haven't posted anything up to now because I don't know any of you. But Kizzy, tonight my blood is really boiling on your behalf - how dare he!!!

Firstly, let me say that I think you're wonderful. You've made such valiant efforts to save your marriage, you've been dignified and courageous and given him every chance to make amends for his stupidity. He has rejected all of this, and has been deceitful, unfair and downright cruel, both to you and your children. He has burned all his bridges now, it's time for you to get tough.

Fidget made such an excellent point about him trying to bring you down when he sees you're on the up. Today, you're looking gorgeous, you've had your hair done, you're feeling good, he doesn't like that. He likes to see you pleading for your marriage, he likes to feel in control. You've got to take that control away from him now.

You've now got to treat him like a stranger that you don't overly care for but are prepared to be civil to. Get all business-like about your financial affairs and get professional advice. Disregard anything he says about being happy to pay the mortgage etc. He is clearly more than happy to play dirty. Don't trust him anymore, he has proved over and over again that his word counts for nothing.

If you do go to Alton Towers, stay strong, be civil but that's it. I hope you get through the weekend OK because I think it's going to be really tough.

When you get home, discuss formal arrangements for him visiting the children
and give him a deadline for removing his things from the house.

You're going to feel really down for a while but don't ever blame yourself for any of this, and don't think you'll feel like this forever. Before too long, you are going to be living a new exciting life. Your ex-H will have tired of his floozy and be sitting there wondering how he could have got it all so wrong.

You've got so much support on here, Kizzy, I hope you can see how much we are all thinking of you.

Keeping_Motivated

Goodnight all I'm off to bed. Gert and Kizzy I'm glad you are chatting on the phone and I hope it helps.

Night all

KM x